3 posters are 'ganging up' on me

[Integritas0]

Hi folks,

Three posters in a certain forum are ganging up on me.

 

[newage]

I think making this thread only escalates things further to an unnecessary points. I assume many of these confrontations are happening through p'm as i have not seen anyone say that you must change.

Anyways this is an online forum community its really not necessary to get so worked up about what goes on here. And most definitely shouldn't keep u up at night.

 

[JonnyFantastico]

Newage, it's hard to add onto more of what you've said because you've said it perfectly, but I do have one slight thing to add.

Integritas, your thoughts and comments are not unwanted at all; you have a brain and there's nothing wrong with sharing those thoughts that you have. However, I have noticed that you do tend to take things to a much different level than needed... for example: in the thread I created about Sean Cody; you somehow turned it around into some kind of political thing about ages in pornography and the law and my first thought was, "Um... this is WAY off topic and has nothing to do with the original posting."

I'm sorry that you feel like you're being picked on, but in that same sense; to turn back around and do something like this doesn't really do much but give those few ammo. No one is asking you to be anything you aren't... but that doesn't mean you have to jump a gun and go in a completely different direction... just ease off a little and enjoy yourself. That's what this forum is for!

 

[Mamah]

This sort of things happens on many forums and threads, as I know from personal experience and I've found that I've even been party to personalising an argument myself. One tip when replying to or arguing against someone else's ideas is to be sensitive to the "Y' word - you.
Now I always try to remember to read back over what I've written before I post it, looking for the y word and generally asking myself: am I arguing against the person, or the argument?

Sometimes I've found I've benefited from being personally criticised because it's helped show me how others might see me and I've thought "Well I didn't intend to be arrogant, boorish, resentful, (or whatever), but that's how s/he heard me."

Another thing many of us tend to dislike is when others assign motives to us: "You're saying that because you want to blah, blah, blah..." That really gets up my nose!

On the positive side we can also remember that no one argues with someone who's got nothing to say, or doesn't think for themselves. But our words can appear to others to be like daggers and poisoned arrows sometimes.
:heart:

 

[XMan101]

I haven't seen anything that I'd say constitutes any "ganging up" . You know very well that it wouldn't be tollerated. You have strong views and others have their opinions. Anything personally offensive would be removed, not least as that kind of thing affects a whole board.

Words look more harsh when typed and lacking the vocal inflections. All should remember that. My humour doesn't always travel well and sometimes can be totally misinterpreted in print so I've learned to be careful how I word things, occasionally I forget

I've seen no evidence of bullying and I certainly wouldn't allow anything like that. I've seen points of view and the fact you've stirred people up enough to get a reaction. If you look at it from another angle your viewpoints and discussions have made people question.

You need a thick skin to post strong arguments as you'll get similar strong arguments back. Just remember it's a discussion, discussions often go off on tangents and some subjects create strong opposing views which, if one has a staunch point of view oneself can feel like an attack. Same from the other side, if the other person feels strongly about something they'll get defensive in the same way.

Sometimes these defensive mechanisms can appear to lead to something more heated. What you're feeling is probably the way they're feeling about what is written, doesn't mean anyone is right or wrong.

If a discussion is going a way someone doesn't like they should step away from it, don't take it personally, all views should be respected whether they're liked, agreed with, or not.

Like Mamah said, if a person didn't say something to make someone think or perhaps challenge then there would be complete silence !

This is a safe area to discuss anything, nobody is going to be bullied, and I'm quite sure that was never the intention on any side

 

[Squallmuzza]

I don't think I really saw any evidence of actual ganging up on you in particular in any thread. I've seen people strongly opposing your opinion with their own, but that's about it. I know I commented on you stonewalling my points, but that's why I dropped out of the conversation altogether. It seemed fruitless so I left it there. But that's about the worst I've seen.

But as said above, if you're putting across strong points, a strong argument and, in all honesty, putting out there in a very firm and strong way, well you need to expect to take a level of flak for it.

As far as people name-calling etc, if you can report the various ways that the offenders are doing that (with the ever-present little report button) I'm sure someone on the mod team will deal with it. There's no need to just sit there taking it.

 

[Tjerk12]

IntegritasO,

When Eratosthenes in the third century before Christ proclaimed that the planet earth was spherical and not flat, it clashed with the common conception. It led to many personal and unfriendly reactions. His arguments were based on physics and mathematics. His opponents used spiritual arguments. Both sides thought that their arguments were correct. A fact you often see in discussions. Actually should the best argument win, but as you see in politics things often go different. Rhetoric became a science, mainly to make a selected argument win.
That’s one.
Being a non conformist I often proclaim opinions that arouse anger by my opponents. In The Netherlands we have an expression for that: “when you stick your head above ground level, it can easily get cut off”. But in discussions there are only words. So there is no actual danger. As Xman says, develop a thick skin and don’t worry.
That’s two.
A discussion whereby two minds complement and inspire each other is nice and useful. But personally I do not dislike a discussion where my opponent highly disagrees with my opinion. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 12.00 until 13.00 (during lunchtime) my two best friends and I discuss things (politics, but also social and technical science). Sometimes it ends in a big quarrel. That’s part of the game. We are always happy to see each other again the next time.
That’s three.
I am happy that I could expand my discussion group with you, Inte. But there could be a moment that we totally disagree about something and possibly use an unbalanced argument or word. Keep in mind, that I always will be very happy to speak you again, next time.
That’s it.

 

[JonnyFantastico]

I just gotta say, as simple as it sounds: I am loving the way some of you are speaking about this... not only is this probably the friendliest forum around, but the brain power some of you guys are using regarding this topic are blowing my mind in the best way. :hug:

 

[LuiM]

It's just your impression Integ. I haven't noticed any "ganging up" against anyone either. We all have our views and of course we have a right to express them but after that we have to be able to face the feedback of other users as well. And if there were multiple users who didn't agree with your views it doesn't mean they were "ganging up" against you. It just means that your views were of such nature that caused pretty similar reactions in multiple people.

One of the clues why that happened might be in the nature of this board which is Gay Porn Community (18+ Adult Entertainment in other words). Of course any view is welcome at GayHeaven especially in discussion area but not every view can be expected to be agreed from others. If for example vegetarian activist would come to a meat providers union meeting I guess he would be welcome, but also strongly disagreed. Freedom of speech on one side also means freedom of disagreement on the other. Tjerk described that very well.

Regarding GayHeaven I believe there is some basic agreement among majority of us that people come here mainly to enjoy porn. They come here to feel good and have fun. It was my very personal opinion (which I hope I also have a right to express it) that your views were just too heavy or too dark for many people who came here to cheer up but then they left even more depressed as before. This is why I disagree with your methods and approach. But this doesn't mean I don't respect you or that I expect you to change - this is your most private matter.

You always have freedom to be who you are and to do what ever you want to do, but so does everybody else. That doesn't mean someone is "ganging up" on you, it just means that multiple freedoms are sometimes hard to handle. But that's not a tragedy - as long as we remain respectful to each other.

 

[Irishman25]

hes always got his friendly irishman to look after him lol

 

[BugsyB]

its just a forum babe lol

have fun...I DO hahahahahahaha

it took me a while to understand that