A little about me

[josh_the_hot_boy]

It time I remove the mask some of you know me a little but none of you truly know me. The thing is that I have been suffering from depression for like the last 5 years. Every day is a struggle. A fight for survival. Last week I had lunch with my brother and he told me that he had been suffering from depression and I told him that he doesn't know what its like that I'm the one who's been through it and he was like look I've had bad thoughts I know what its like. It hurt me. He's not supposed to feel like that. I don't want to lose him. I had been contemplating death but I had no idea that he felt this way. Its hard enough for me I don't want him to go through this. This is my battle. He has a chance to be something to do something. I don't want him to make the mistakes that I have or could. Everything will be okay just never knew that about him.

 

[XMan101]

Babe you can't fight this sort of thing alone, I've tried. I also suffer from mild depression which I'm trying to deal with before it gets worse. I have up days, I have down days and have for the last few years. I only just decided to see my doctor about it. I've been diagnosed with reactive depression.

Never dismiss anyone who can help. If it wasn't for a good friend I would have left it to fester, and I know it's a struggle. I could never end my life because I know it would upset too many but have often contemplated it being worthless. I know it isn't but sometimes it doesn't feel like that.

Hugs babe

 

[bloop2]

were all here to talk to or with! josh and xman <3

 

[JonnyFantastico]

Wow... I honestly believe I'm the say way... I don't really speak about it much, because the word "depression" honestly seems so scary to other people; including the person who has it. I definitely have some great up days and some horrible bad days...

I've never seen a doctor about it, but I did talk to a couple of friends about it... it's nice to know you're not really alone, but every once in a while; it's hard to shake.

 

[Tom]

Anyone feeling depressed should seek help.
It's a very difficult thing to talk about, but you've made the first step.
We've come along way in the last twenty years!! We know chemicals are off in the brain and can be balanced. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but we are, mostly because of society.
This past year has been hell for everybody. Don't continue on thinking everything will get better. Please seek help, and for your brother. You can see it's heredity.
A friend I work with has had there friends commit suicide in the last three months. It's horrible and tragic. One was a soldier in his second posting in Iraq. One was an uncle who last his job last year and has 2 teenagers. And one was her best friends father who also lost his job last year and also has kids still in school.
Send me a PM if you would like to talk. There is help out there!!! You don't have to suffer anymore. And remember it's not only you that suffers. Your friends and family most likely see it, and wish to be closer to you, but your probably in a stage where you'd rather be alone. (only speculating here).

 

[XMan101]

Wow... I honestly believe I'm the say way... I don't really speak about it much, because the word "depression" honestly seems so scary to other people; including the person who has it. I definitely have some great up days and some horrible bad days...

I've never seen a doctor about it, but I did talk to a couple of friends about it... it's nice to know you're not really alone, but every once in a while; it's hard to shake.

It's quite scary really, for a long time you think, well hell everybody feels like this! No they don't! When I was discussing it with my doctor and then read through the effects it causes on you it was like reading a horoscope about me!

It is difficult to talk about and even admit to yourself because it's so little understood by the general population. One of the effects on me, which is also typical , is that I haven't slept much at all at night for nearly 3 months now. It's not for want of trying, and I was always a very good sleeper. I knew something was wrong simply because it was out of character for me. I don't count weekends when anyone can stay up late, but this has become the norm now and even going to bed I don't sleep till 4am or later!

It's signs like that you need to watch for. I smoke anyway, but I now smoke 50% more than I used to. My doctor did not give me a lecture as she knows the reason. For once I actually was totally honest with my doctor I'm not good with talking about these things but I knew it was needed, and a friend's support helped no end as he had noticed the changes in me.

I felt like you up until about a week ago, Jonny. I'm so glad I decided to do something because just being able to discuss it helps a hell of a lot

 

[XMan101]

Hi xman,

It's comforting, in a sense, to think in terms of a single condition --but conditions might describe the rule, not the exception. Anxiety can be a factor in not sleeping, as can smoking. But then if you quit smoking that can lead to further depression. For starters you could cut back. You might be smoking more because you are awake more of the time?

No not true - because I don't smoke in bed and rarely actually stay up like tonight. I'm only up because I'm not working this week. I smoke more in the general day than I used to.

You're not a doctor, I trust my doctor and she knows what she is talking about!

 

[BugsyB]

I think we all at times are depressed I have been to all corners of it, even tried to end my life:worried: have see doctors and taken meds..but the thing that helps me the most is talking to friends when im depressed, its hard for me to do it all the time, but just open up to someone is very helpfull to me

 

[XMan101]

I think we all at times are depressed I have been to all corners of it, even tried to end my life:worried: have see doctors and taken meds..but the thing that helps me the most is talking to friends when im depressed, its hard for me to do it all the time, but just open up to someone is very helpfull to me

That is sooo true

 

[JonnyFantastico]

Wow, Mike; are you reading from my pages? I don't want this to turn into a "me, too" sort of conversation; but I have to honestly admit that I've been through similar things... either I don't sleep well or I sleep way too much; the smoking has gone a bit haywire... a pack used to last me maybe 5 days; now, I'm lucky if it gets to 3 or 4. My mood shifts terribly when I'm alone for too long... just a few days ago, I saw a few pictures of someone close to me who had passed... of course, it's normal to feel sad about something like that, but it came from left field and before I knew it, I was bawling...

Maybe I should get checked out... I just admit I'm kind of scared to hear what the doctor has to say... it's a little easy to sit here and explain it to you guys; it's something different to actually sit in someone's face and express it all...

 

[XMan101]

Wow, Mike; are you reading from my pages? I don't want this to turn into a "me, too" sort of conversation; but I have to honestly admit that I've been through similar things... either I don't sleep well or I sleep way too much; the smoking has gone a bit haywire... a pack used to last me maybe 5 days; now, I'm lucky if it gets to 3 or 4. My mood shifts terribly when I'm alone for too long... just a few days ago, I saw a few pictures of someone close to me who had passed... of course, it's normal to feel sad about something like that, but it came from left field and before I knew it, I was bawling...

Maybe I should get checked out... I just admit I'm kind of scared to hear what the doctor has to say... it's a little easy to sit here and explain it to you guys; it's something different to actually sit in someone's face and express it all...

It's actually very easy once you start - it's the beforehand thinking about it that's difficult. And don't forget, the person you'd be talking to is an expert in these matters and has heard it all before. I used to terrible about doctors etc, and in the past had a pretty crap old grizzled bastard, but these days they are so much better, and I always have a lady doctor, same with my dentist. Some guys prefer to talk to guys but I always seem to trust women more in these matters.

 

[Squallmuzza]

-waves- It's a sucky situation I must say. But it's one of those things that you really need to grit your teeth and plow through. Different things work for different people however. I'm bi-polar myself and went through the whole meds route for a while, tried a cocktail of different drugs but couldn't get along with them. So now I stick to gritting my teeth and self-control.

The best thing I found was to get a release of some kind. When it really builds up and you can't hack it any more, you just need something to let loose on. I've heard a lot of people saying exercise of some description (especially something like martial arts etc, even if it's just beating on a punch bag) is really good. Personally, nothing soothes me like letting it all fly with some really great music and singing along at the top of my lungs.

And as has been said above, we're all here to talk to if it all gets too much. Drop me a PM if you need to talk further

 

[XMan101]

Personally, nothing soothes me like letting it all fly with some really great music and singing along at the top of my lungs.

My lungs are probably shot to bits but yes, that is so true. I've said for years that doowop is the best prozac It just raises me to the highest highs!! Everytime!!

 

[Lamicheval]

Hello, josh_the_hot_boy! Thanks for your openness! I think it could help you in more than one way to talk about it. Perhaps you feel a bit better to share your thoughts, and on GH there are so many members who are willing to help others in their hard times, it is a real heaven, gay or not. :thumbs up:

 

[Nelson]

Great thread. I've been depressed for fifteen years - largely due to self-hatred of being gay (I'm working on it...) - and only got help two years ago. It turns out I'm bipolar as well, but bipolar type 2 - which is mainly depressed with ocassional bouts of giddy hypomania.
I take meds and they have made a difference. They certainly staved off the suicidal thoughts but unfortunately killed my libido and really hurt my creativity. However, it beats the alternative.
If you are depressed - or suspect a friend may be - see a doctor. The only shame is in not getting help.

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

There are other kinds of medications that don't kill your libido I know I have been around with some of them. Anytime you have a question feel free to ask.

 

[Tjerk12]

Actually I can't give you any advise Josh, because I am a born optimist. Even in times of great disaster I see the bright side. I can only say this: "I would miss you, friend!"