Advice needed...falling for a straight guy.

[johngee]

Hello, I know I haven't properly introduced myself yet and for that I am sorry . I'm stevrn, 21, in the UK.

Anyway, as I have read the threads in this forum again and again about falling for straight guys, I know it doesn't end up well for most of the time. But then I have heard stories where it did work out which I suppose gives me a glitter of hope despite the muck of all the mess.

I have this group of friends that I have known for almost 4 years now. We hang out, doing all the guy stuff etc So yeah, in the end we know each other so very well except that none of them knows I'm gay.

Fell in love with one of my straight friends (not that I have any gay friends lol), got hurt by the so called unrequited love, licked my wound for awhile and stopped being wooed by him too much.

Got over him, no sexual desires spared for him anymore. But him and I, we still talk, chill, share a spliff sometimes, just like nothing happened.

One thing that I noticed nowadays is that, he tends to show his soft side only to me and emotionally distant to others. He'll play with my hair, hug me, keep asking me for a back rub, lie on my back with his head on my shoulder.

Oh and in front of others he is a man's man. Sleeps around with girls.Talks about them a lot too. But never to me.

Urgh I'm so confused right now. I want to forget him, but I can't since we're good mates. Just afraid that I'll fall for him again.

What should I do ~X(

 

[loveless92]

Yeah, that's pretty confusing I must say, but I feel your pain, that's happened to me before. Actually, I had a situation with a brit guy recently, so I'm almost in the exact same boat. But for advice, I say play it safe, don't act on him, maybe he's just glad he has someone to be soft with, ya know?

 

[nadare80]

ufff right now, i am pretty much in the same boat as you
this is very frustrating ~X(
i cannot differ which actions are still "normal" and which one crossed already the boundaries of friendship....

 

[Behrluvr]

I've had a crush a several str8 guys. One in particular, I let him know I was into guys. After knowing him about a year, I said to him, "If you ever wanna fool around, I'm into it." He used to crash at my place alot, usually in my bed but we didn't do anything.

One time though, he stayed over and when I woke up , I mumbled "can I rest my head on your stomach?" he mumbled "yup". I couldn't believe it. I wound up getting his dick in my mouth. No talk, no asking, no eye contact. I just went with it as far as it went. - which was all the way. Never did anything again but whew! that was hot! we never said anything about it, ever... and pretended like we didn't fool around. I still talk with that dude on the phone once in a while.

My motto is sex with str8 guys just happens so enjoy it on those occasions when it goes down and don't be a wall flower about it. As a gay guy you kinda have to take the lead too 'cause the str8 guy is in uncharted territory , is in way over his head, and often will follow your lead.

 

[johngee]

@ loveless : Yeah, I have been playing it safe, but as nadare80 have said, the line of 'normal' and 'beyond normal' pretty much in the gray area when str8 guys gets touchy hahahaha.

@ behrlurv : Love what you sayin.

 

[ampang]

I have fallen for straight guy before ..and he knows it. We fool around for a bit..but after a while he kept telling stories about his gf. My advice..just give it up, he will leave u eventually...either that, they will use it to their advantage...not all.

 

[spyro92]

oh that post really gives me hope!! haha

 

[Casanova]

Welcome to the forum johngee.. very nice to meet you and hope to see more of your posts on here.

I have read your topic twice, and all I can say is "mixed signals, mixed signals".

I'll try to avoid the long and boring posts which I tend to do and just give you two scenarios.

First.. life is full of risks, and if we don't take some risks, some things will always remain unanswered. From the way you described your friend, he could either be bisexual or a closet-gay (hell, I've been there and had more girlfriends than any of my straight friends put together). And maybe, just maybe he does have some suspicion that you are gay and are trying to send you messages without trying to risk anything, just in case.

Next scenario, he may not be interested at all, and due to your strong feelings toward him you could've interpreted some signals incorrectly.

It's kinda hard to give advice when you are at the other side of computer, but from what I can gather he may not be straight (just because he shags women and boasts about it, does not make him straight), if he is single, take some risks - reciprocate when he touches you with affection.. who knows what the outcome may be

 

[bloop2]

wow.. he plays with your hair, asks for back rubs, and lays on you? JEEZ If I may say so myself.. those seem like very visible invitations.. to something .... I would IN MY POSITION .. not saying you should.. perhaps sit him down and let him know because he is a good friend you are comfortable enough to say maybe who you truly are.. If he seems comfortable enough to do those things to you he may possibly know something about you that you already don't?

 

[topdog]

Welcome jongee! I certainly identify with your situation, and as others have said, I have been there myself - a couple of times, actually, back in my 20's before I came out.

First of all, the heart wants what the heart wants - and there's no way around that. Doesn't mean you're going to get it, but the fact that you are loving and wanting something in return is a good thing.

My advice though is to take a step back and deal with yourself first. You have two big obstacles to overcome before worrying about what to do with this guy.

1. Most (all?) of your social circle is straight. No wonder you are all shook up over your friend - what other choices do you have? If you aren't around any gay guys then you aren't giving yourself the chance to fall in love with someone who can love you back. You are limiting your "falling in love" pool to straight men. That story never ends well, unless the most you want is some occasional experimental sex. I repeat, that is the best case scenario. Unless your friend is a closeted gay man, in which case you both have problem #2 in common:
2. You are not out. You cannot ask another man to love you if you can't tell him you are gay. That's sort of your classic Catch-22. I am not going to tell you to come out to your friends - you know your situation and I don't. Sometimes there are good reasons to delay being open for a time. However, keep in mind that your full life can't really get off the ground until you can be who you really are around your friends, and they can accept you and love you for who you are. If you don't have that now, you need to be planning and working towards getting to that place.

In short, there's a big step you have to take before telling this guy that you love him. And that is telling him that you are gay. That's a whole discussion, agenda, and adjustment period by itself - I wouldn't top off the announcement with a declaration of love.

I think all these feelings may be your libido telling you to get off your butt and get on with your life as a whole, healthy, sexual person who can love and deserves being loved in return.

Of course, this is just my opinion.