Am i right to assume the following???...

[jw4833]

Hey Guys:

I hope you all are doing well and since the Thanksgiving holiday is upon us, I hope you all find something in your lives to be thankful for. So, let me get to the topic discussion at hand; If you are seeing someone and he is well aware that you have friends as you are about him. However, when in conversation with this guy, you mentioned that you went to the movies with a friend who happens to be one of your best friends' boyfriend. And yet, all of a sudden, this guy begins to drill questions at you such as: "Who is this guy?", "Why you never mentioned him before?", etc. When this happened to me a few days ago, my "red flags" went up because I know none of his friends first of all and yet, I don't question him when he had mentioned last month that one of his friends stayed with him for a few days because they were having relationship problems. I did not inquire, in fact, it never crossed my mind to since we are just in the "getting to know each other" phase of possibly something more meaningful.

However, this behavior from him disturbed me due to the fact that from his tone, he was suggesting that I was seeing someone else besides him. Also, the mere fact that I can't have friends that he is not aware of. So, is this what is known as a "double standard"...so it's okay for you ...but not okay for me??...I've even seen pictures of him with other guys on his social network page as of more recent and yet, I did not mentioned nor inquire about the status of their friendship.

Unfortunately, since this situation occurred, I have not heard from this guy since then and this has been third day of silence from him especially since he was someone that either text me, left messages or called me on a daily basis. With that being said, this situation bought to mind something that I remember my late mother used to say to my older sisters when they were having similar issues within their relationships. My mom had said that more than likely when a guy begins to question your friendship status with a friend that he is not aware of...then its either he is a very possessive and insanely jealous individual, or he is screwing around with one of his "so-called" friends behind your back and now he's upset of your friendship from being guilty of what he is doing behind your back.

To conclude, what do you guys think?...because I was waiting for him to contact me and since he hasn't, I was going to take the initiative and inform him that we should not pursue a potential relationship and I also think the same of any friendship progressing between us as well. However, I thought I would bring this up for discussion to see what you guys think about it before I take matters in my own hands. As usual, I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to respond to my post. ...Peace, JW:thumbs up:

 

[hugmebear]

There could be any reason behind his absence. Maybe he's been hurt in this cirstance before. If you're going to pursue him, reassure him there's nothing going on if it's truthful. If you want to have nothing more to do with him, don't initiate contact just to say "I don't want to be contacted anymore". This would be immature and psychotic as he has already stopped.

 

[ritsuka]

That sort of jealous, possessive behavior is definitely a toxic red flag. It's very safe to assume that this is what you would expect from pursuing a relationship with this guy, and it would probably only get worse as time went by. It isn't immature or psychotic, however, to send a message asserting your boundaries and establishing closure. And this is his issue to work on, you don't have to reassure him about it. Treating you that way is not acceptable.

 

[jw4833]

That sort of jealous, possessive behavior is definitely a toxic red flag. It's very safe to assume that this is what you would expect from pursuing a relationship with this guy, and it would probably only get worse as time went by. It isn't immature or psychotic, however, to send a message asserting your boundaries and establishing closure. And this is his issue to work on, you don't have to reassure him about it. Treating you that way is not acceptable.

Hi Ritsuka:

Thank you so much for your response because my personal thinking was exactly what you have displayed with your reply. I've been conversing and spending time with this guy since September. If we don't see each other, we are conversing either by text or phone, etc. Therefore, I've given a lot of time to let this guy know that there was an interest from me. However, I do not feel comfortable when someone "drills" me twenty questions about being out with a friend while its okay for him to be out with his friends and yet, I do not know them or made this a concern of mine. I have not heard from him since last Wednesday which is strange due to the fact that he contacts me on a daily basis. Needless to say, it's okay and unfortunate on his part and yet, he has given me no choice but to move on. And like you've mentioned in your post, it's very immature behavior and a warning of what I would face if he and I were a couple in the making. Thanks again....:cheers: