Anyone else stuck in life

[klevra]

Hi

I'm 23 yrs old and have never been with a guy. Whew I said it! Well i'm sure you can guess that i'm still firmly in the closet with the door not even in sight. I don't actually have the urge to find that door but I have this throbbing feeling in my pants to get with someone.

I guess I have never done the deed because I have some major issues. I can't get close to anyone be it a girl or boy, I make casual friends and after a certain amount of time I distance myself from them just to make sure that we remain at a safe playing distance. I can't imagine allowing anyone to truly know what i'm feeling or even let them think they know.

Another problem I have is i have anorexia, which has left me with a very little sex drive, but don't get me wrong I still want love. I am not completely thin so both these issues may not be valid and I may just be completed fucking fugly and that's the reason NO ONE has even taken any interest in me. But I have not completely fallen off the wagon to start believing that.

I feel like i'm stuck in a rut, I'm living with my parents who don't talk to each other and haven't spoken for maybe last five years. And five years before that they were on speaking terms for about 6 months. They are self absorbed, manipulative and controlling. Which is most probably where i get my controlling nature from. I can't move out as I would most probably be cut off and I do work in a family business, plus I firmly believe if I move out one of them will just end up living with me.

I would greatly appreciate it if anyone who is feeling the same as me to let me know as this would regretfully make me feel much better. As they say misery loves company and Misery fucking loves me!

XOXO
Val

 

[garth33]

Hi Val,
I know exactly what you're feeling because i've totally been there. The best advice I can offer is just to trust yourself and take a shot when the time is right. First off - move out of your parents house....their weird shit is only fucking you up and muddying the water for you and you don't need muddy water.

Second - roll the dice with someone you really like even if there's a chance you'll lose...it's called gamblng Sometimes it pays off...sometimes you lose but you'll never know if you don't throw the dice. I had many times in my life when I wished I threw the dice but didn't because I was afraid....and I never got a payoff that changed my life. if you truly don't want to be stuck don't be afraid to gamble - THROW those dice dude and good luck! (You might not even need it)

peace brother,
g33

 

[Tjerk12]

Hi Val,
You are absolute not alone in your feelings. I agree with the words of garth, it just needs courage to change things.
I have a beautiful song of a Dutch singer/songwriter for you who gives you advise on this matter. I tried to translate his lyrics. He sings in a Dutch dialect (Drents). Excuses for my bad translation.



You must not be afraid
about how the the wind sometimes blows
Fear is just for a moment
regret is forever
Just don’t be afraid
we will see how things go
Fear is just for a moment
regret is forever

dark clouds sometimes dash against
so lightning develops
but don’t let you stop
by the chance for great sorrow
don’t hesitate
but go for it with courage
Fear is just for a moment
regret is forever

Black nights with sweat and itch
and light isn’t there
Terryfied for everything
But the danger excists
that not only the evil things
but also the good things disappear
So think: Fear is just for a moment
regret is forever


You must not be afraid
about how the the wind sometimes blows
Fear is just for a moment
regret is forever

 

[Urban]

First a short addendum to what garth33 said: If you're worried about one of your parents wanting to move in with you, find a small place with one bedroom & no place for anybody else to sleep, and also with not enough storage space for anybody else to keep their stuff.

I hope you're getting some help with the anorexia, but in a larger sense you have to learn to believe in yourself and be happy with yourself. Not many of us believe we are perfect, and those who do are lying to themselves. It's really important to be as comfortable with yourself as possible, then you might be more apt to let others in and also be less likely to be devastated when something goes wrong.

 

[tonka]

Living with a roommate might also be an option. Cheaper, and since it's a shared apartment, you can more easily keeps your parents away. Move in with an artsy guy...and you might get lucky with him or his friends.
You can't fix everything at once, but starting will give you a new perspective. Just telling us how you feel is a start.

 

[bigsal]

Dear Val,

I think the help you need, you can receive it first of all by yourself.

Hold wide open that door closed, and open yourself to others.
Whatever the cost.

Like said the friend Urban, hope you are well cared about anorexia, otherwise the other problem comes secondary.

Good luck.

 

[boy10]

Val, I with you though we, probably, are divided by the seas and oceans. Do not despond and is more often think that there are people whom is much worse, than you. It helps. Try to overcome all the same itself and find the friend who can open soul. I wish you all all about what you you dream!

 

[cacc]

I understand exactly how you feel guy, I'm in a similar situation myself.

 

[scawtj]

I understand exactly how you feel guy, I'm in a similar situation myself.

Ditto.

 

[crisargarg]

I feel as if I am going through some really similar issues in my life as well. I just graduated college and have been looking for a job for about 5 months now. I have also never been with anyone. Stuff like this happens to a lot of people. You just have to stay positive and keep pursuing your goals, relationships, ect. Things will turn around.

: - )

 

[tombo487]

Hello Val.

First of all, thanks for writing the way you did. It takes a huge amount of honesty to see oneself as one is, and you've done that. That kind of bravery will serve you well.

I was stuck for years. But I stepped out. It's a slow journey, but one that starts with some measure of independence. Given the kind of way your parents live, it's hard to think that staying there is really healthy. I know it's hard in many countries at the moment to get the money to move away, but that feels like a key to unlock your future.

Just a thought. Hope you make it.

Be kind to yourself.

Tom

 

[Waltfore]

I understand perfectly. It sucks when you can't even get a job at McDonald's, and I graduated from college. I hope that things change soon, they have to.