Are we as we are because of past events or despite them?

[Snome]

My uncle 'touched' me (not sure abuse is the right word) from when I was 8 until about 14. He'd tickle me (I was and still am very ticklish) and in tickling me he'd end up touching my genitals. It happened every time we went to visit him, say...once a month. Obviously, I didn't enjoy that bit but it didn't stop me wanting to visit him and I cannot find it in my heart, today, to hate him.

He died at 69 in 1991. I was 31. I acted as next of kin and made all the funeral arrangements, as my dad was ill in hospital.

What happened, happened and it happened, when I was growing up, that's all. What is there to hate. He was as he was, and I am as I am. This is the only life I know, so why waste it hating something I cannot change?

But has it contributed to me or am I me despite that? I don't know. When I said I didn't like it...I suppose deep down I knew what he was doing and something in me liked being touched there by another guy - I allowed myself to get into the position of being tickled every time we visited...so maybe I didn't 'not like it' as much as I am claiming.

 

[Askani]

Well... hmmmm weird but no... I dont think I got the topic right so I'll answer in every way I understood it ;x...

No I dont think that the "tickles" had anything to do with ur sexual identity, if anything it would've made experience things a bit later, maybe due to fear or distrust.

Yeah I do believe that past experiences build up our personalities(being gay or straight is not a matter of personality, of course) it's a whole lot of memories and facts that come up with our everyday life (or lurk in the shadows guiding) and points us to different paths that leads to again new beliefs and choice... and so on...

I dont think I'd be able to hate this uncle, even if he was a pedo, he never really went rough, meaning that he managed to control himself cuz he loved his nephew, if I'm not mistaken "pedobears" get more and more obsessed with their need till they cant hold back, which never happened... even though it was a bad thing... he controled himself not to make it worse, right?

Well, I dont think that u have to worry if u liked it or not... better saying... worrying about saying that u didnt like it, cuz u were a kid and I'm pretty sure u didnt c anything wrong with the tickles, or felt... it's not as if he was gropping u forcefully, I dont think u blame him either cuz he loved u and u loved ur uncle back... I'm not saying that it's ok to touch btw -_- I'm just saying that maybe, u're overthinking instead of only evaluatinn ur feelings.

Oh well... those are the answers I came up with O_O

 

[alexfot55]

Despite them??? Is it possible? Even a reaction to them is an influence.

 

[ohboyseth]

Well i think i am the way i am because i lost my father about 3 years ago. i took some time off and i really got close to one of my guy friends. i knew he was gay but i didn't know if i was until i ended up making out with my friend. we now only talk when one is having problems with another guy but its still cool. i got to see him naked showering in the gym locker room thats also when i knew for sure i was gay.

 

[alexfot55]

Thikgs happened and things not happened consist the past as a whole,so,........