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are you different outside than inside?

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BugsyB

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I'm not talking about gay or anything like that....but personally are you different? do you change who you are?
 

lhardwick69

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i am who i am pretty much whether at work at home or in public i am same--i dont wave my homosexuality around with a flag saying yoo hoo i am queer get over it--but i dont hide it either--everyone --my family --friends and people at work know i am gay and if they dont like that--tough shit i say--
 
L

LuiM

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... and she said that the happier a person appears to be (appears being the operative word) the less happy they are on the inside. ..

I agree! I've seen numerous like "ultra happy" people in my life, but they were actually very nervous, pessimistic and so boring inside. Eventually their real qualities came out sooner or later.

I'm glad I'm pretty much as I am. I do smile and I don't when I'm not in the mood. I don't fight for a good public image about myself. I show my good and my bad sides - hand in hand.

--i dont wave my homosexuality around with a flag saying yoo hoo i am queer get over it--but i dont hide it either--everyone --my family --friends and people at work know i am gay ...

Could put a signature under this statement ;)
 

Tjerk12

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I think that one of the advantages of getting old is that your outside and your inside reach more harmony. When you are young you are fighting to get a position in social life. It seems important to achieve something. When you are old you don't feel that need. Your own judgement gets more important. "And now I am easy" sings Ronny Drew looking back to his life, and he is right. Youngsters are climbing the mountain. I am sliding down. Less exiting, but nice and easy.
 
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XMan101

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I think that one of the advantages of getting old is that your outside and your inside reach more harmony. When you are young you are fighting to get a position in social life. It seems important to achieve something. When you are old you don't feel that need. Your own judgement gets more important. "And now I am easy" sings Ronny Drew looking back to his life, and he is right. Youngsters are climbing the mountain. I am sliding down. Less exiting, but nice and easy.

Perfectly put, Tjerk :D
 

Tjerk12

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Dear IntegritasO.
That’s some question you ask. I am not sure if I am able to give you a proper answer, but I will try. And a decent question deserves a decent answer, isn’t it?
To tickle your brain and bring you on the track of what I am going to say, first a little story. It is about the Indian Chief, who signed the surrender to the “White men”.
(Introduction of the original Seattle Sunday Star article) March 11, 1854.
Old Chief Seattle was the largest Indian I ever saw, and by far the noblest-looking. He stood 6 feet full in his moccasins, was broad-shouldered, deep-chested, and finely proportioned. His eyes were large, intelligent, expressive and friendly when in repose, and faithfully mirrored the varying moods of the great soul that looked through them. He was usually solemn, silent, and dignified, but on great occasions moved among assembled multitudes like a Titan among Lilliputians, and his lightest word was law.
When rising to speak in council or to tender advice, all eyes were turned upon him, and deep-toned, sonorous, and eloquent sentences rolled from his lips like the ceaseless thunders of cataracts flowing from exhaustless fountains, and his magnificent bearing was as noble as that of the most cultivated military chieftain in command of the forces of a continent. Neither his eloquence, his dignity, or his grace, were acquired. They were as native to his manhood as leaves and blossoms are to a flowering almond.
His influence was marvellous. He might have been an emperor but all his instincts were democratic, and he ruled his loyal subjects with kindness and paternal benignity. He was always flattered by marked attention from white men, and never so much as when seated at their tables, and on such occasions he manifested more than anywhere else the genuine instincts of a gentleman.
When Governor Stevens first arrived in Seattle and told the natives he had been appointed commissioner of Indian affairs for Washington Territory, they gave him a demonstrative reception in front of Dr. Maynard's office, near the waterfront on Main Street. The bay swarmed with canoes and the shore was lined with a living mass of swaying, writhing, dusky humanity, until old Chief Seattle's trumpet-toned voice rolled over the immense multitude, like the startling reveille of a bass drum, when silence became as instantaneous and perfect as that which follows a clap of thunder from a clear sky.
The governor was then introduced to the native multitude by Dr. Maynard, and at once commenced, in a conversational, plain, and straightforward style, an explanation of his mission among them, which is too well understood to require recapitulation. When he sat down, Chief Seattle arose with all the dignity of a senator who carries the responsibilities of a great nation on his shoulders. Placing one hand on the governor's head, and slowly pointing heavenward with the index finger of the other, he commenced his memorable address in solemn and impressive tones.
(Chief Seattle's speech)
"Yonder sky has wept tears of compassion on our fathers for centuries untold, and which, to us, looks eternal, may change. Today it is fair, tomorrow it may be overcast with clouds. My words are like the stars that never set. What Seattle says, the great chief, Washington [1], can rely upon, with as much certainty as our pale-face brothers can rely upon the return of the seasons. The son of the white chief says his father sends us greetings of friendship and good will. This is kind, for we know he has little need of our friendship in return, because his people are many. They are like the grass that covers the vast prairies, while my people are few, and resemble the scattering trees of a storm-swept plain. The great, and I presume also good, white chief sends us word that he wants to buy our lands but is willing to allow us to reserve enough to live on comfortably. This indeed appears generous, for the red man no longer has rights that he need respect, and the offer may be wise, also, for we are no longer in need of a great country.
"There was a time when our people covered the whole land, as the waves of a wind-ruffled sea cover its shell-paved floor. But that time has long since passed away with the greatness of tribes now almost forgotten. I will not mourn over our untimely decay, nor reproach my pale-face brothers for hastening it, for we, too, may have been somewhat to blame.
"When our young men grow angry at some real or imaginary wrong, and disfigure their faces with black paint, their hearts, also, are disfigured and turn black, and then their cruelty is relentless and knows no bounds, and our old men are not able to restrain them. But let us hope that hostilities between the red-man and his pale-face brothers may never return. We would have everything to lose and nothing to gain. True it is, that revenge, with our young braves, is considered gain, even at the cost of their own lives, but old men who stay at home in times of war, and old women, who have sons to lose, know better.
"Our great father Washington, for I presume he is now our father as well as yours, since George has moved his boundaries to the north; our great and good father, I say, sends us word by his son, who, no doubt, is a great chief among his people, that if we do as he desires, he will protect us. His brave armies will be to us a bristling wall of strength, and his great ships of war will fill our harbors so that our ancient enemies far to the northward, the Simsiams and Hydas, will no longer frighten our women and old men. Then will he be our father and we will be his children.
"But can this ever be? Your God loves your people and hates mine; he folds his strong arms lovingly around the white man and leads him as a father leads his infant son, but he has forsaken his red children; he makes your people wax strong every day, and soon they will fill all the land; while my people are ebbing away like a fast-receding tide, that will never flow again. The white man's God cannot love his red children or he would protect them. They seem to be orphans and can look nowhere for help. How then can we become brothers? How can your father become our father and bring us prosperity and awaken in us dreams of returning greatness? Your God seems to us to be partial. He came to the white man. We never saw Him; never even heard His voice. He gave the white man laws, but He had no word for His red children whose teeming millions filled this vast continent as the stars fill the firmament. No, we are two distinct races and must ever remain so. There is little in common between us.
"The ashes of our ancestors are sacred and their final resting place is hallowed ground, while you wander away from the tombs of your fathers seemingly without regret. Your religion was written on tablets of stone by the iron finger of an angry God, lest you might forget it. The red man could never remember nor comprehend it. Our religion is the traditions of our ancestors, the dreams of our old men, given them by the great Spirit, and the visions of our sachems, and is written in the hearts of our people. Your dead cease to love you and the homes of their nativity as soon as they pass the portals of the tomb. They wander far off beyond the stars, are soon forgotten, and never return. Our dead never forget the beautiful world that gave them being. They still love its winding rivers, its great mountains and its sequestered vales, and they ever yearn in tenderest affection over the lonely hearted living and often return to visit and comfort them. Day and night cannot dwell together. The red man has ever fled the approach of the white man, as the changing mists on the mountain side flee before the blazing morning sun. However, your proposition seems a just one, and I think that my folks will accept it and will retire to the reservation you offer them, and we will dwell apart in peace, for the words of the great white chief seem to be the voice of nature speaking to my people out of the thick darkness that is fast gathering around them like a dense fog floating inward from a midnight sea.
"It matters but little where we pass the remainder of our days. They are not many. The Indian's night promises to be dark. No bright star hovers about the horizon. Sad-voiced winds moan in the distance. Some grim Nemesis of our race is on the red man's trail, and wherever he goes he will still hear the sure approaching footsteps of the fell destroyer and prepare to meet his doom, as does the wounded doe that hears the approaching footsteps of the hunter.
"A few more moons, a few more winters, and not one of all the mighty hosts that once filled this broad land or that now roam in fragmentary bands through these vast solitudes will remain to weep over the tombs of a people once as powerful and as hopeful as your own. But why should we repine? Why should I murmur at the fate of my people? Tribes are made up of individuals and are no better than they. Men come and go like the waves of the sea. A tear, a tamanamus, a dirge, and they are gone from our longing eyes forever. Even the white man, whose God walked and talked with him, as friend to friend, is not exempt from the common destiny. We may be brothers, after all. We shall see.
"We will ponder your proposition, and when we have decided we will tell you. But should we accept it, I here and now make this the first condition: That we will not be denied the privilege, without molestation, of visiting at will the graves of our ancestors and friends. Every part of this country is sacred to my people. Every hill-side, every valley, every plain and grove has been hallowed by some fond memory or some sad experience of my tribe. Even the rocks that seem to lie dumb as they swelter in the sun along the silent seashore in solemn grandeur thrill with memories of past events connected with the fate of my people, and the very dust under your feet responds more lovingly to our footsteps than to yours, because it is the ashes of our ancestors, and our bare feet are conscious of the sympathetic touch, for the soil is rich with the life of our kindred. The noble braves, and fond mothers, and glad-hearted maidens, and the little children who lived and rejoiced here, and whose very names are now forgotten, still love these solitudes, and their deep fastnesses at eventide grow shadowy with the presence of dusky spirits. And when the last red man shall have perished from the earth and his memory among white men shall have become a myth, these shores shall swarm with the invisible dead of my tribe, and when your children's children shall think themselves alone in the field, the store, the shop, upon the highway or in the silence of the woods they will not be alone. In all the earth there is no place dedicated to solitude. At night, when the streets of your cities and villages shall be silent and you think them deserted, they will throng with the returning hosts that once filled and still love this beautiful land. The white man will never be alone. Let him be just and deal kindly with my people, for the dead are not altogether powerless."
(Conclusion of the original Seattle Sunday Star article)
Other speakers followed, but I took no notes. Governor Stevens' reply was brief. He merely promised to meet them in general council on some future occasion to discuss the proposed treaty. Chief Seattle's promise to adhere to the treaty, should one be ratified, was observed to the letter, for he was ever the unswerving and faithful friend of the white man. The above is but a fragment of his speech, and lacks all the charm lent by the grace and earnestness of the sable old orator, and the occasion.
H.A. Smith.
Notes
[1] The Indians in early times thought that Washington was still alive. They knew the name to be that of a president, and when they heard of the president at Washington they mistook the name of the city for the name of the reigning chief. They thought, too, that King George was still England's monarch, because the Hudson Bay traders called themselves "King George's Men." This innocent deception the company was shrewd enough not to explain away, for the Indians had more respect for them than they would have had, had they known England was ruled by a woman. Some of us have learned better.

A beautiful and sensitive story that will be the basis for my answer. We normally speak about ones position in the world. How to act, behave, where to stand. This story tells you that there is not something as one world. There are many worlds. The Indians lived in another world then the “white people”. But also the world of the “white people” consists of many different worlds (rich people, poor people, smart people etc.). In fact the whole social structure is built of nearly an endless number of tiny worlds. The smallest part in that structure (the atom of the social world) is your world (and mine). In this world you are the director, the axis around which everything revolves. You establish the contacts, declare friend or foe. By doing this you enter the worlds of other people. This is the basis for a cohesive society. The nice part is that you have a certain freedom of action. As long as you behave according to a basic attitude you can do whatever you want, without endangering the worlds of other individual people. Our friendship, you as a youngster, and I as an old man, is an example how bonds can enrich people. Larger conglomerates, such as a country, have far less freedom of action. They influence individual worlds often in a way beyond their intention. The change of live was a disaster for the Indian people. It took away their world and brought nothing in return. In a way we do the same with old people in our society. We constructed reservations for elder people where they are fed properly and kept physically well. But, mentally? What is their function in life? When I was a child my grandmother (my grandfather died young) was the centre of the family, she was the axis the family turned around. That gave her spirit and fire in her eyes. The same fire you see in the old black and white photos of your grand father. We should not treat elder people as plants, but reintegrate them in the society. Give them functions they can handle. Use their wisdom. It would enrich our society and certainly their lives. And it would bring back the fire in their eyes.
You are young and smart, so you should be able to weapon yourself against these things. Be self confident. You are the boss in your world and have the freedom to organize it your way. Listen to your feelings. Feelings are the most underestimated part of human abilities. That mechanism is a million times smarter then the rest of your brain. The wise words of the Indian Chief (a wild man in the eyes of the White people) proof that.
I made a photo for you in which I express the things I described (it is so much easier to express myself in pictures then in words).
The young man holds in his hand the flower of life. He looks a bit sad, uncertain, but his attitude explains us that he is ready for the confrontation with the future. He will find out that when he really wants it, goes for it, the flower will be beautiful until the end.
A big hug,
Tjerk.

flower of life.jpg
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BugsyB

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hahahahahahahahahaha thanks guys:) glad you are at least thinking:D lol
 

jw4833

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Actually, I do change who I am...when I am around my close friends, I am the jokester..the life of the party making everyone feel good..but at the office, I am personable, but well reserved which makes some co-workers classify me as serious and unapproachable. Honestly, I like it that way...keeps the drama away...
 
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