tonib, you aren't shallow: the things you describe would be quite unpleasant or painful to anyone. It sounds like this guy has some personal-sexual issues he needs to work on before he can even be a good one night stand, never mind long-term partner.
Don't know where you live, but I can tell you in large cities like New York we encounter this same exact type of mismatch, along with many other guys of all races with their own issues. Just like the straight population, we gays have our share of cliche guys with cliche hangups. And yes, your guy is a walking cliche: the insecure, clumsy black top with "only" an average cock and no real clue about sex, who fears the "black porn god" expectations of white boys. He's attracted to other races (as many of us are) but has deep insecurities that prevent him handling the "baggage" of that attraction in a lighthearted, sexually fun way. That isn't just a race thing, it happens in all sorts of "opposites attract" scenarios: the physical or personality difference is intensely attractive in some respects, but also challenging to deal with if it triggers guilt or insecurity.
Whether it is worth trying to help such guys work thru those issues in hopes you'll develop something special, depends a lot on where you are in your own life. If you're young, it probably isn't worth the effort: you have time to meet and date lots of other men who may be a better fit for you. Wasting precious youth on guys who probably can't be "fixed" is something you might deeply regret later in life. If you're older, you may or may not be more interested or capable of dealing with these issues. Either way, understand people don't generally change: they are who they are. If he was in current, active therapy, and cognizant he has things he needs help with, there might be a chance. Otherwise, probably not.
Don't make the mistake of holding on to an unsatisfactory lover just because he's available. All bottoms go thru periods where it seems there aren't any tops around, so they'll cling to any guy who'll top them. It is better to be alone, or jerk off with other bottoms, than stay with a terrible top (and there are lots of terrible tops in the world). Whining to you about his insecurities in bed is tacky but forgivable. The other behavior (ignoring your position comfort for his own, jabbing his fingers in you with no regard for injury) are big red flags that you should walk away from. That level of selfishness is not likely to change, and borders on abuse: he's a born and bred lousy top.
Unless you live in a very small town with very limited opportunities to meet other people, you'd likely be better off moving on. Personality issues can sometimes be dealt with, but a sexual attitude this shitty would be very hard to overcome. Being sexually inept is one thing, being hostile and negligent is another.
too soon. It simply frustrated me.
