Can't sleep. F**king emotions.

[c750dt]

I've been in love with someone pretty much since I met them. It was a dream come true when he apparently saw my stares and wouldn't wait for me to make a move and grabbed my arm to run to his car for a first kiss. It was on Valentines day too; is this meant for a dream?

Lately though I've been scared and I'm afraid of my emotions making things worse. I don't wish to be clingy but I'm afraid I am just that. Just today, knowing he was busy, I had planned the night with him. He hinted if he's off work early enough, he'd really be glad to see me so I prepared an Easter gift bag and spent a long time making myself look better than I've ever seen myself look.

Then suddenly, I can't get ahold of him at all for the rest of the night. I send him a message asking why he disappeared, it made me sad, I hope work treated him well and to have a good night. Hours later, I get back "awww" and I was so excited.

I know it's my emotions getting the best of me but I honestly felt like he wasn't there for the first time. I don't know why but even before that, for some reason, I needed him more than ever. In my excitement, I ask if he is well and confess I couldn't sleep. I presume he went back to sleep right after that message as no reply.

As always, I know I'll talk to him again tomorrow; even if not in person but understanding why I feel so crazy doesn't make this night any faster nor does it make sleep come any easier. He's the only person I've ever been so nuts over; I thought I had fallen for a person times before but never have I felt this. I post this here because I wouldn't want to lay this all on him (he already knows how much I love him and I know he loves me the same; knowing that sometimes isn't enough) and it's too late to call anyways but I need to let this out somewhere. Maybe I need a shrink.

 

[c750dt]

Nevermind. Hinting I'd see him multiple times and telling me how much he could spend some time with me being followed by hours of nothing was because he went to the movies with a friend. If he had simply said something I would have been fine but to not only not tell me otherwise and then tune me out like that and dismiss it with a text message sorry, not even a phone call...

He's done so much for me I am unable to let this affect me longer than tonight. However, I'm still not sleepy and I still wish I could make him feel some of what I feel. But mostly, I just need to get this out here or somewhere so when I see him I won't be feeling so negative towards him. I would die if I knew I made him feel bad over something that was supposed to be fun for him. He is so worked by his jobs and needs to relax.

 

[rant17]

I was told something extremely important by someone I hold dear in my life, "the one who invests most into the relationship is the one whose most vulnerable", don't you have other things to worry about? Invest your time into work or your studies, lose yourself in other things to distract yourself because I promise if you continue to obsess, you'll push him away. Keep your distance and your cool and everything will fall into place, if not, move on. Whats most important is you don't lose your dignity and pride. I'm rooting for you!!

 

[Tjerk12]

I was told something extremely important by someone I hold dear in my life, "the one who invests most into the relationship is the one whose most vulnerable", don't you have other things to worry about? Invest your time into work or your studies, lose yourself in other things to distract yourself because I promise if you continue to obsess, you'll push him away. Keep your distance and your cool and everything will fall into place, if not, move on. Whats most important is you don't lose your dignity and pride. I'm rooting for you!!

I agree with that.

 

[bigsal]

No doubt you are a sensitive and vulnerable person (Who is not when there love?).

This does not mean you should feel bad because of it.

I know it is not easy at this moment you are the weaker party, as he said rant17, you're investing more, and you're vulnerable.

Try to react and think if it's worth being so bad.

In love, as in all things, balance is necessary. Without this, it is doomed to fail.

They are cruel words, but I hope you will make people think.

Go where your heart takes you, but beware at the precipices.

 

[rant17]

It's hard but it's not worth this much thought, you know what I do when im lost and confused? I go for a run, it clears my mind and whatever needs to be done I act on then. You'll be fine, I promise!