castrated

[loretta]

hey guys,

after months and months of severe pain and many different attempts to cure i had to go to hospital where i got my testicles removed X_X

now i am a ?man? without my best parts and i do not know how to handle it - i am a medic myself and intellectual i know that with my implants and the hormones i have to swallow now one will ever recognize, but nevertheless i feel very insecure - i have no boyfriend and don't know if i ever will go out again to look for one and if i do, how?
should i tell it like:hi, my name is tom, nice weather today and btw my balls are fake?? or should i hide this like a secret? what do you think?
had one of you ever had a relationship with a man without balls?
is here someone who has the same problem?
would you date a "half a man"?

 

[ihno]

Hhhm, I have never asked: Are your balls fake? So I would just keep quiet for it. Nobody will notice.

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

I'll try and be delicate here. If you don't have plans to have a child and it's impossible to notice then I wouldn't worry about it. Only when your positive that you've found that special person should you say anything if you even feel the need to say anything at all.

 

[prinz4ming]

To be perfectly honest as long as you are having hormone replacements and if you have implants, I wouldnt consider it much of an issue. For me (and most gay guys Im assuming) its whats just above your balls that most guys are interested in

Chin up mate! X

 

[tonka]

Life sucks sometimes. I'm sorry this hit you, Loretta.
Of course you're a man. Of course you can have sex. If you find a true love, of course you'll tell him. And if he's ok with it, your love will be stronger.

Is this really about hooking up, or is it how this trauma has knocked you off your sense of self? I can understand how confusing it must be. We gay men love our bodies, don't we? Especially the wanky parts. I hope you have access to a really good therapist who can work this through with you.

And to your specific question. Would I have sex with a guy with ball implants? If I liked him, why not? I don't have a ball fetish, and there's a whole body full of fun there.

When you're ready, give it a try. You might surprise yourself.

 

[Tjerk12]

Whether you are a man or not is a simple technical matter. It is characterized by your chromosomes.

The point is of course whether you still feel a man. Are you able to accept your handicap and love yourself again? That is important, because you need to love yourself to get love from others. Otherwise pity is the only thing that resumes.
It will take time, without any question. But when you are able to do so, in my opinion it makes you more a man than ever. True heroes seldom get medals.

I would have no problems at all to date a man without real balls, or date a woman with artificial breasts.

And children? I have children; a girl and two boys. But are they really mine? How can I be sure? Yes, do a DNA-test. But why? Is it really important? I love them with all my heart. I would give my life to save theirs.

I wish you strength and wisdom Loretta.

 

[loretta]

thanks you all very, very much for your words.
i am stuck in the old dilemma: feelings vs ratio.
it is not for the children thing, i am to old now for own and i have a foster-child, i know that am man is defined by other things than his balls, and women have no problem with implants wherever, but all this intellectual knowing is nothing because i am feeling that there is something missing and somehow with the amputation a part of my "being a man" vanished - i fail to explain my feelings, i always hated being helpless, it makes me feel so vulnerable, then i become angry, but i have no target for my rage - it is very disturbing
i see, i have to accept help, i think i will see a therapist
you all have a nice day and whenever you think there is maybe something not ok with your balls, go to a doctor immediately

 

[bluefish22]

loretta, this is a complete non-issue for me. I realize this admission from a pseudo-anonymous internet poster might not ease your feelings of loss but I honestly wouldn't care one bit if I became romantically or sexually involved with someone who underwent the same procedure as you and don't view you as any less of a man for having undergone the procedure.

Before graduating a lot of my undergrad research interests involved philosophical theories concerning part-whole relations. Being acquainted with this literature drastically enhances and alters your perception of, among other things, what constitutes a legitimate piece of a thing. I don't know if you're interested in this kind of stuff (people very rarely are) but I figured I'd throw it out there as there are a number of papers written by people of the opinion that you've lost nothing at all. The readings are usually dense and complex but might be comforting.

Lastly, I really do wish you good luck with your health in the future. Seeing a therapist sounds like a very good call if this issue is significantly affecting you. If you ever just need someone to talk about it with, I'm not professionally trained at all but still willing to listen (so feel free to PM if you ever want to). I'm sure a number of other posters on this forum feel the same.

 

[Oege]

Just be happy they found out in time they had to be removed or else you might not be able to tell us this and read the answers... Take care!

 

[gb2000ie]

hey guys,

after months and months of severe pain and many different attempts to cure i had to go to hospital where i got my testicles removed X_X

now i am a ?man? without my best parts and i do not know how to handle it - i am a medic myself and intellectual i know that with my implants and the hormones i have to swallow now one will ever recognize, but nevertheless i feel very insecure - i have no boyfriend and don't know if i ever will go out again to look for one and if i do, how?
should i tell it like:hi, my name is tom, nice weather today and btw my balls are fake?? or should i hide this like a secret? what do you think?
had one of you ever had a relationship with a man without balls?
is here someone who has the same problem?
would you date a "half a man"?

You're gay, so really, it makes no difference. No man who sleeps with you is expecting you to impregnate them!

You're not half a man, you're a full man who's been lucky enough to live in a time when medicine could heal him!

B.

 

[bobman6969]

I'd say don't worry about it. It won't affect anything. The other guy doesn't have to know.

 

[BadMan125]

But why did you remove it? Was it for health reasons, like a fear you may get testicular cancer?

 

[Bobstern]

Dear Loretta

It is not about the balls. No one will love you if you don't love yourself first.

So many beautiful fit rich people out there also have their long lists of insecurities and demons. So what if they have balls, unfortunately they don't know how to love themselves and they end up being alone.

Love yourself, balls or no balls. Then someone will love you. If someone leaves you because of your condition, then consider yourself lucky for ridding yourself of a shallow person.

 

[Ioanna]

When I read your story, a few days ago,I did not respond because I did not knew what to write and all the guys above, the principal already wrote,but it would not let me.
Here I want you in my turn wische all the best Loretta and congratulate you on the courage that you have this "delicate" subject (the pride of men) just to bring for discussion.
It strikes me more and more that GayHeaven members nothing or nobody abandon and who needs it leave a message of courage and try to give good advice.
GayHeaven is also a shoulder to those who need support.
I hope you are well and healthy, and feel happy.

 

[W!nston]

The resurrection of this thread is another example of what is classified as 'necroposting'. It is a good discussion and I'm pleased new life has been brought to it.

I considered whether or not to post this reply. Time will tell if it was a mistake.

The OP did not specify the reason for the procedure. I assume it was a medical necessity. After the fact the reason is not relevant to this discussion.

I would be devastated if this happened to me. The prosthesis would help aesthetically but the insecurity would still be challenging.

The hormone replacement would help keep up a masculine appearance with muscle mass and hair in all the right places.

The 'elephant in the room' no one has mentioned would be ejaculation. My brother had a vasectomy. Afterwards his ejaculate was what his ex-wife called 'sweet water'. His post vasectomy seminal fluid contains no sperm - just the sugar rich fluid produced by his prostate gland. It's a clear liquid without any of the thick white sperm. It is noticeable and the OP may be concerned any sex partner will notice the lack of that sticky stuff.

If that is one of his concerns he could explain that he had a procedure sort of similar to a vasectomy. In the short term it might be easier for him to feel more comfortable with a small deception. If that partner turns out to be a long term relationship he could always explain how he was uncomfortable to begin with but now he wants to share his story with them.

Just sayin'...

 

[frontlemon]

I say first of all you are a human being and I would want you to think of yourself as that.
Secondly I would gladly be your partner assuming that you are mentally - excluding ALL sexual aspects, compatible with me and I am telling this from the bottom of my heart.

By the way a passing by comment - your post definitely made me ask myself: what is the definition of love and what should be the definition of love?

 

[dargelos]

Good analogy. It's really important to make the distinction between being economical with the truth and actual lying. There is no need to tell him more than he needs to know but a frank question has to have a frank answer. Lies always come back to haunt you.

 

[loretta]

Hey guys,
thank you so much for all your support and words.
The problem is solved - i am happy again with my ex boyfriend, he does not care and i got used to it - the only remaining problem is that it gives me pain when he touches my "balls" and i can not longer fuck "balls deep" because it hurts , but as i get older and older i become more and more of a bottom and really enjoy beeing fucked
Thanks again for all your kindness - i really appreciate how caring you are