Cheaters and the aftermath

[littlestud]

My partner of many years surprised me recently and told me he had been flirting with a guy and kissed him. I'm not sure what makes me more crazy, the fact that he kissed him or that he was emotionally intimate with him. This whole thing has made me think maybe I want to cheat. So my question is...


Have you ever been cheated on and what did you do? Have you ever cheated on someone? Is it really that big of a deal?

 

[dargelos]

This is not cheating. Gay men are like dogs, we can't help but be attracted to any nice man. Your man is being honest about it and that is good and not a problem for your relationship. What does ruin a relationship are lies. Lies hurt. When he becomes evasive and secretive then you have a problem. So please don't overeact or you will make him defensive.
I have been very naughty, my husband has only been slightly naughty. So what, there is nothing in this world that will stop us loving each other and that is all that matters.

 

[littlestud]

Thanks dargelos. He actually did lie about somethings to begin with, so that did mess with the whole trust of the relationship. But I do believe he's trying to rebuild the trust. The problem is now I really want to cheat/have experiences outside of the relationship.

 

[dargelos]

A good rule is once and once only, no matter how hot he is, because otherwise there is a risk of it leading to an affair with all that entails. The encrypted partition on the laptop, the cheap second cellphone 'just for emergencies'. Then the screaming and the broken plates. You do not want to go there.
Your sweetheart needs to have confidence that it is just for fun and nothing more. I have seen couples go to the sauna together, then go off and have a good time separately. At the end of the night they are back together and all is well. The one thing to avoid above all else is barebacking with strangers. Obviously.

 

[tonka]

Long term relationships between men are hard after a while.
It sounds like both of you are feeling the itch for something new. Have you been honest with him about your itch? That goes both ways.

You don't have to cheat. You can each see others, or do it together. Another guy, another couple?


The only thing I would advise against is cheating because you are angry. Forgive your man, and figure a way to make it work.

 

[Dendood]

It is only the end of the world if you WANT it to be the end of the world. Love handles simple. Love handles complex. Sometimes other partners is an expression of a lack of love being there. -Just make sure there is love. It will work out.

 

[thetruth123455555]

Cheaters >.>.... I don't get it. Have nothing to say on this.

 

[havocs]

It's about respect, it is true that people do find themselves in situations when things happen, but if you feel the need not to be honest about it, then you have other issues. Not all relationships are supposed to last, stop ignoring the signs and be honest with yourself and what you want. No one should be disrespectful to you in any way, and if they are, then they just demonstrated to you how they truly feel and you shouldnt expect any more from them than that.

 

[topdog]

You can only "cheat" if there are rules. What are they? It is whatever you and your boyfriend agree on. If your mutual explicit understanding is that kissing another man is out-of-bounds, then the kiss is a cheat. You both have to talk and decide what boundaries protect the relationship, and you can still live with.

 

[sunandmoon]

What is at issue?
You feeling that you have been cheated? Then talk and sort it out.
You looking for an excuse to cheat back? What will it leave you with?

 

[tonka]

This original poster apparently left gay heaven soon after he posted his issue.
I wish him well.

 

[noone88]

Man, there's some twisted things being said in this thread. Sure, you could see some hot guy and notice the fact, there's no avoiding it tbh. It's different thing if my boyfriend flirted or kissed him or something more.