Do you think i did something wrong???

[jw4833]

Hey Guys:

I have a little dilemma that you all could possibly help me with. I have my thoughts to this matter, but I feel that when others' give their opinions that I could see a bigger perspective than what I'm already seeing.

So, the CVS pharmacy that I frequent in my neighborhood usually consist of basically female employees and a couple of middle aged men. However, since this past Summer, they have hired a couple of attractive younger male employees as opposed to those who are employed there.

One in particular (his name is Kevin) was much more of a standout because one day when I entered the store, he looked up at me and then took a double take as if he knew me or saw me before. Once he saw that I noticed his reaction, he smiled and said "Hello". I responded back and kept walking toward the back aisle of the store. However, when I was making my way back towards the checkout station, Kevin was behind the counter staring at me as if I was naked. BTW... did I mention that Kevin is very hot...he reminds me of a hot cup of Mocha Grande with a ass that should be insured with Prudential...lol...lol... However, once he started a general conversation with me...my 'gaydar' went off like crazy because of the tone of his voice and some of his mannerism.

Nonetheless, whenever I visit the store and he is working, he makes a point to get me to notice him. After greeting me last week, I formally introduced myself to him. I knew his name from his name tag. However, last week, Kevin was standing in front of the aisle chatting with a co-worker which blocked my entrance to the aisle. Therefore, I had touched his shoulder in order to acknowledge myself trying to get through and I spoke to him and his co-worker. He responded but seemed tensed about my touching his shoulder which by the way was solid muscle..lol...

Now, what I noticed since that had happened, he speaks but disappears and I even can feel his eyes staring at me so I can feel the tension now whenever I see him now. So my concern is by my touching his shoulder was it inappropriate or out of line?....As always..thank you for reading this and your response....JW:cheers:

 

[dargelos]

Anyone who works in a small store with no security has a fear that one day a kid will try a hold up. Even though you are a known face there is still that one second of doubt when you touched him, "shit, has he got a knife?" before he realises who you are. That could be enough to crack his nerve, when he has already taken a risk by flirting with you. This is of course a complete guess, they are a hundred other reasons for him cooling on you. Still, it is one starting point to get talking again, explain that it is normal to have a fear of crime and you are so sorry for startling him. The real reason may be something very different but it is a way of breaking the ice without getting too personal.

 

[jw4833]

Anyone who works in a small store with no security has a fear that one day a kid will try a hold up. Even though you are a known face there is still that one second of doubt when you touched him, "shit, has he got a knife?" before he realises who you are. That could be enough to crack his nerve, when he has already taken a risk by flirting with you. This is of course a complete guess, they are a hundred other reasons for him cooling on you. Still, it is one starting point to get talking again, explain that it is normal to have a fear of crime and you are so sorry for startling him. The real reason may be something very different but it is a way of breaking the ice without getting too personal.

First of all I want to thank you so much for responding to my post. However, my theory was that he has a fear of me knowing he is gay and because I am pretty cordial with one of his co-workers that he also have a friendship, there's a strong possibility that he is not sure of my being gay or the fear of her finding out. Next theory is that he is a "closet case" who has not embraced his sexuality.

 

[zefrog3]

Hm it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong, your second theory might be right.

 

[dargelos]

Zefrog is probably right. I don't believe my own theory either, it is meant only as an excuse so that you can talk to him again keeping away from anything that might embarass him. If has to come out of the closet it must be at his own speed, don't hurry him.'

 

[jw4833]

Zefrog is probably right. I don't believe my own theory either, it is meant only as an excuse so that you can talk to him again keeping away from anything that might embarrass him. If has to come out of the closet it must be at his own speed, don't hurry him.'

Thank you for your response. Although I noticed how hot he was when I first saw him, I never had the inclination to approach him in that manner at all. The only reason I thought or assumed that something was possibly there because initially, he was paying a lot of attention to me and he also pursued conversations with me whenever I came into the pharmacy. Once that occurred, my "gaydar" went bonkers because this is when I started paying attention to his behavior, his glares, etc. Therefore, he can move at whatever pace he wants...no pursuit on my part.... Although, I am pretty sure that he's gay, I still would not approach him in that manner...just not my way of doing things...

 

[james1981]

Thank you for your response. Although I noticed how hot he was when I first saw him, I never had the inclination to approach him in that manner at all. The only reason I thought or assumed that something was possibly there because initially, he was paying a lot of attention to me and he also pursued conversations with me whenever I came into the pharmacy. Once that occurred, my "gaydar" went bonkers because this is when I started paying attention to his behavior, his glares, etc. Therefore, he can move at whatever pace he wants...no pursuit on my part.... Although, I am pretty sure that he's gay, I still would not approach him in that manner...just not my way of doing things...

Sounds like you've got a good approach figured out.

I just have one other thing to consider. After the first couple visits, it sounds like you were looking for signs of him paying attention to you. The fact that you were actively looking for these could mean you were picking up on cues that really weren't there. Sometimes if you're looking for specific things (e.g. does he like me?), you could misinterpret a glance or a conversation in the wrong way. Not saying that's what's necessarily going on here, just that it's in the realm of possibility.

I'll add that I'm terrible on picking up on stuff like that so you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt.

 

[jw4833]

Sounds like you've got a good approach figured out.

I just have one other thing to consider. After the first couple visits, it sounds like you were looking for signs of him paying attention to you. The fact that you were actively looking for these could mean you were picking up on cues that really weren't there. Sometimes if you're looking for specific things (e.g. does he like me?), you could misinterpret a glance or a conversation in the wrong way. Not saying that's what's necessarily going on here, just that it's in the realm of possibility.

I'll add that I'm terrible on picking up on stuff like that so you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt.

Thank James1981 for your response...but NO...I was not looking for signs initially when I came upon to see whether he was gay or straight. To be quite honest with you...at first glance, I had immediately assumed he was straight and kept moving even though he was staring at me from the start. Even after frequenting the pharmacy several times afterwards, I still did not come to a quick conclusion that was gay because usually in my neighborhood from what I've experienced and even though I stay in a very gay friendly community, whenever a guy stares at me usually more than likely turns out to be that they are admiring something that I am wearing and they comment eventually from that point of view.

However, after he made it a point whether he was waiting on a customer or taking inventory on items in the store, he tend to make it known that he noticed me and then like I said..when he started to engage in conversations with me...this is when I really started to pay attention to signals, etc. Being a former bartender ...I've been approached by basically every kind of guy that's out there and I basically have a good handle on when a guy is noticing me from a gay man's standpoint. I've never been the kind of guy who takes something and make it more than what it appears to be without further investigation to confirm whatever thoughts I may have initially.

 

[james1981]

Thank James1981 for your response...but NO...I was not looking for signs initially when I came upon to see whether he was gay or straight. To be quite honest with you...at first glance, I had immediately assumed he was straight and kept moving even though he was staring at me from the start. Even after frequenting the pharmacy several times afterwards, I still did not come to a quick conclusion that was gay because usually in my neighborhood from what I've experienced and even though I stay in a very gay friendly community, whenever a guy stares at me usually more than likely turns out to be that they are admiring something that I am wearing and they comment eventually from that point of view.

However, after he made it a point whether he was waiting on a customer or taking inventory on items in the store, he tend to make it known that he noticed me and then like I said..when he started to engage in conversations with me...this is when I really started to pay attention to signals, etc. Being a former bartender ...I've been approached by basically every kind of guy that's out there and I basically have a good handle on when a guy is noticing me from a gay man's standpoint. I've never been the kind of guy who takes something and make it more than what it appears to be without further investigation to confirm whatever thoughts I may have initially.

Awesome! Sounds like you're a very self aware individual and can read people quite well. So what I said likely isn't coming into play in this case.

 

[topdog]

He is clearly interested in you; unless he flirts with every customer. I'm sure you are familiar with that approach from your bartending days.

You don't know whether he wants a friendship, a fling, or a husband. And, given the very small amount of interaction you have had, I'm not surprised that there are more questions than answers.

My advice is to take sex off the table - for now. It makes things more complicated than they have to be.

You have already introduced yourselves. Now, see if you can make a friend. You probably already know how to do that. Talk some more; find out what you have in common.

What he wants from you really isn't really relevant (or knowable) at this stage. You will find that out as you get to know him.

As for the question of whether or not he is gay - again, not relevant. You let him know that you are gay, and then see where that goes. It doesn't have to be a big announcement. Just slip in the right pronoun (him, he) when mentioning your dating life and the cat is out of the bag.

If he is interested in you as sex/dating/husband material, he will let you know. Otherwise, just make a friend.