Exes that try to bring you down

[Me-Hostage]

Has anyone ever dealt with an ex that tried to ruin their reputation after a break up? My most recent ex and I dated for a month, I really fell for him, but it ended at the end of July. A lot of things he did really hurt me. He would make me feel like I was losing my mind to the point I signed myself back up for counseling services. He had his friend sitting outside my apartment watching me all day and taking pictures, and a lot more crap. He faked a suicide to get me to feel sorry for him, which I knew it was fake, but I played along so he wouldn't act a fool. We ended up breaking up, he wanted to remain friends, cool. Now he finds it his mission to hook up with everyone I hook up with, I find it funny. Realizing it didn't bother me, he would make up lies and I would catch him in them, and he would make up more to get out of that one lie. I got tired and the other day I said we can no longer be friends. I am trying to better myself after now a 4th shitty relationship and I just want to find someone who will treat me right, while I focus on helping myself along the way. He wanted the break up so I don't know why he is trying to cause me so much trouble now. I blocked him on Grindr and now he is going online to our local town's message boards and posting I am HIV+, which I am, and he knew all along. Actually, he was one of the guys who screwed my first boyfriend that pozzed me, and he knew he was poz as well as me later on.

I just feel like I have no reason to go on. He is trying to take everything away from me now. He mentioned before if I ever stopped being his friend, he would file charges saying I raped him and didn't disclose my status. I badly want out of this town and far away so I can start a new life, but the other half says I am strong enough to face his shit head on. I just feel alone because I have no one who really supports me in all of this.

 

[jw4833]

I've been through something similar as you with my first boyfriend. He was very possessive and controlling to say the least and I recall when I got to the point that I had enough and wanted out of the relationship...well, he too threaten me with naked pictures/videos that he had of me in his possession to the degree of him sending them to my mom daily until there was no more if I left him. At that time...I too felt lost and did not know how or which way to turn because my family had just found out not too long prior to this that I was a gay man and had practically disowned me...and then at that time...I was barely in my early 20's. In order to deal with my mom ...I knew she liked money and nice gifts which if you showered her with...it would basically "smooth" out things with her to the degree that she would listen to what ever was bothering you.

Once I confessed to her which he discovered after one of his final threats and his close friend at the time had persuaded him to release the items to me which he did. However, this did not stop him from stalking me. He would sit out in front of my new place in the wee hours of the morning ...just watching to see if I had any male company...and if I was on a date and he discovered...he would follow us to whatever destination we would going to. In other words...it was almost like being in one of the action movies where the bad guy was following the good guy in a speed race of escape.

After he saw that was not working ...he even went so far to come to park his car at my place of employment ...waiting for me to get off work to start his "act" of harassing me to come back to him. He had been drinking which was something that rarely did and he threaten me to get in the car in front of all of these people who were leaving the building or he would cause a scene. Due to my position at this company and because I was pretty well known as a nice guy who kept to himself and furthermore...I was in the "closet" with the exception of one person which was the receptionist who had discovered this because he would call the office continuously and the calls would basically go to her if I did not answer my phone line which resulted in her putting things together. Nonetheless...because I had a good rapport with her...she kept my secret and we became very good friends to the degree that she looked out and protected me from his actions at all cost. This is when he decided to talk trash about me to whomever he could get attention from. He did make attempts to do this with my close friends at that time but they ignored him because they never cared for him due to his possessive ways which kept them from being around me or even seeing me as much.

I eventually went to the police station to file a restraining order against him after he came down to my employment with a gun and threaten to kill both of us because he felt that he could not have me ...then no one will and he came to the conclusion that he would also kill himself as well. Needless to say, after going through all of that and overcoming his actions... I did not date guys for awhile. However, I had came to the decision of just dating periodically and even doing some one night stands and a threesome relationship just for sexual pleasure and nothing else... even when I decided to give someone a chance again...I took things very slowly and carefully. However, the police restraining order kept him at distance and somewhat quiet things down as far as threats, etc. Although...he and I had been together when I was in my early 20's...and now that I am in my late 30's ....I rarely see him but there are those times when I am in the clubs having a good time and someone whom he is dating would approach me with tales he has told them about me or how his feelings for me after all this time had caused problems with their relationships with him. I have to say that the sex was HOT all the time but honestly....I rarely think about him until someone brings him up to me. He is pretty well known as a celebrity in my state ...and yet...I do not follow anything about him. One of my siblings who is a huge troublemaker reads his articles all the time since he is also a weekly writer for a well known local newspaper and he is on TV shows here all the time...and he still portrays himself as a "straight" guy after all of these years to the media. Over recent years...there have been some who knew us when we were together and had at one time questioned me as to why I never "outed" him to the press since he was talking trash about me to everyone. For some reason ...it never crossed my mind to do so and as far as him talking trash about me after all these years ...well...all it tells me is that he still hasn't gotten over me or moved on with his life which is very sad. I hope my story helps you to gain some kind of clarity about your situation and if not...I do have this to say...do not end your life over some asshole like your ex because the fact of the matter is that if you do so...he will continue to move forward with his life because his life will not stop over your demise...he is not worth that!!! Good luck and God Bless....JW