first time advice and some help please.

[workinprogress]

hi,

i joined this site because you folk seem quite supportive and helpful. i am trying to make sense of what Iam later in life than many of you and I am finding it terrifying. its not so much coming out of the closet but that the closet door was welded shut years ago !!

any advice on how to proceed and actually meet someone and then how to explain (if i get that far) that its the first time and the other person wont get much out of it probably.

can you tell me about any websites or how guys meet up for fun and avoid weirdos or haters.

i envy all you young guys having fun and living what you are without care or shame...its not the same for all us...still, better late than never.

hope you can help. thanks for reading this. appreciate some support. the world seems quiet a lonely and scary place at the moment.

 

[gorgik9]

Hello my friend workinprogress!!!
If you want to talk to people about anything, the General Discussions area where we are right now is exactly the right place to be. I think I can garantee you, that you will get friendly, supportive and honest answers about just about anything.

If you think that everybody but you on GH are happy-go-lucky youngsters, I can tell you this is definitely not the case - me, I'm 54 years old and I'm far from the oldest of the elderly gentlemen on GH. And I think that one of the best things on this forum is, that I've never felt any age discrimination.

This short post is just that I wanted to say Hello and hopefully make you feel welcome on the GH forum.

 

[theseeker]

can't help you here, but I just wanna say I would love to have any advice on how to meet people in general! gay or not, I pretty much suck at socializing...

i feel you, the world seems like lonely and scary place to me too... all those people outside and yet i'm lonelier than ever.

 

[bigsal]

Ciao workinprogress,

you're certainly welcome to the forum. As he told our friend Gorgik, you're in the right place.

I do not know if you'll get the answers you need, but being able to talk and discuss with others is a good starting point.

Do not worry on how and where to get out of the closet. This is one of the most debated topics on this forum, but each has its own story, which weigh many variations, one in all the place where you live.

The important thing is to approach the subject with confidence and take inspiration from the experiences of others.

 

[gorgik9]

Ciao workinprogress,

you're certainly welcome to the forum. As he told our friend Gorgik, you're in the right place.

I do not know if you'll get the answers you need, but being able to talk and discuss with others is a good starting point.

Do not worry on how and where to get out of the closet. This is one of the most debated topics on this forum, but each has its own story, which weigh many variations, one in all the place where you live.

The important thing is to approach the subject with confidence and take inspiration from the experiences of others.

Very well put Sal!

And the key is like you said "each has its own story"

 

[dargelos]

When I suggested the cottaging site in your other post I hadnt read this one first so maybe a site that is mostly about quick sex is not what you were looking for. Similarly with Grindr I guess, they all look so young and randy, but it costs nothing to go window shopping.
I met my boyfriend out of a advert in a music magazine, that was back in the day when there was no public internet. Today there is so much choice, I would hardly know where to start. Try narrowing it down a bit, do you want a man to share an interest in bikes or ballet? You need some kind of common ground to form the starting point of a relationship.
You will find some of the worlds nicest men on GH but it's not a hook up site, so you need to go elsewhere to actualy meet them.

 

[Otage]

Try the app Grindr. Google it And google also activities on your area, google info like " 'your living town' where to meet gays", " 'your area' activity for gays", "where to meet gay internet 'your living area' " etc.

And I know it's hard to just suddenly jump in to all things, but finding as much info as bossible, and letting it sink in to your head within it's own time will help the process. And you can also try to think, that do you have anyone close to you, to whom you could "come out". Someone trusted, someone most likely supportive. The first time is the hardest, and at first it may seem like it was a mistake or meant nothing, but it's a huge and very helpfull and healthy step to take. You don't have to come out to everyone at once, on you don't have to come out to everyone ever if you don't want to, but it's very light feeling to be free from the burden of secret, even just for one person And forget the idea of coming out for a while if the whole idea brings you down. Maybe you're just not ready yet. First you have to accept yourself, before you can except that other will do the same. Don't stress it, it's a process

And don't waste your time envying other people, it distracts you from making the best of yourself, it can bring you down. There's always someone better, richer, better looking etc. but they are not you. Be happy for others, let go of anguish and envy, it will let you be free, let you be you

And ask more questions in here if there's somenthing unclear, somenthing that's pressuring you. We'll be glad to offer any help and advice we can:thumbs up:

 

[bigsal]

And don't waste your time envying other people, it distracts you from making the best of yourself, it can bring you down. There's always someone better, richer, better looking etc. but they are not you. Be happy for others, let go of anguish and envy, it will let you be free, let you be you

:agree:

 

[tonka]

It's not just about sex and romance. I think finding gay friends to hang out with is a wonderful thing.
And friends of friends are always potential dates.

 

[topdog]

I will second tonka' s advice. Concentrate on sharing more of who you are with your current friends, and experiment with meeting new people and cultivating new friendships. Romance will come in time, but the most common way of meeting a special person is through friends.

Sex is great, and you get better at sex the same way you get better at tennis or chess - you do it and you learn from your partners. We all started at the same point you are at now, so don't worry about your lack of experience. There is no bag of tricks that is more powerfully sexy than someone who is simply willing to listen and respond to their partner. If you can do that in conversation then you can do that in bed.

But if sex seems intimidating right now, then listen to tonka and concentrate on sites or activities where you can meet other gay men and maybe make some new friends.

 

[brmstn69]

Go to a gay bar on a slow night. Your new and they're bored. Chances are people will introduce themselves to you and their friends...

 

[dargelos]

With money so tight, lots of bars have lots of slow nights now, some of them dont help themselves by leaving the music too high for chatting.
A new trend I see is the website of our sauna (the no52) getting messages from nervous inexperienced men asking up to meet up with similar others so they can support each other on their first visit, a really sweet idea. Check out if there is a sauna with a message board in your city.

 

[jon13lee]

Other than phone apps, like Grindr and Jack'd, you can try dating sites. The safest one I would think is OkCupid. There is also adam4adam. These options might be best for those who are still shy but find conversation online to be easier than in person. But please be aware, regardless of what app or site that you use, people are not always truthful and will use fake profiles.

Another way is going to a friendly gay spot where you can sit and chat with people. If you are a student, try the LGBT clubs/societies that the campus offers.