Gay, Bi or what?

[groneva]

I am a twice married man who had active sex lives with both wives. I never
indulged in my gay side until I was in my thirties although I always had a liking for guys. My wife found out about a gay encounter I had and so sex with her
is now off the cards but she has stood by me. My question is am I gay or am I Bi
it is difficult to live with some times but there must be lots of guys out there who are in the same position as me. I know from experience that many gay
contacts are actually married men.

 

[jw4833]

I know lots of guys like yourself...however...from my perspective...you are considered to be a bisexual man. There are certain psychologist who insists that if a man has a relationship with a woman and then somewhere in their lives precedes to have sexual relations with a male and become sexually aroused...then this individual is considered bisexual. The downside of this is that many guys such as yourself do not embrace the fact of being bisexual yet alone the sexual attraction for another man and therefore, many become comfortable with the fact of living that side of their lives in complete denial. A guy I know has been married for over 25 years and when I was initially introduced to him while in our early 20's he appeared to be a gay man and has had relationships with men along the way but also it later revealed that he also has had relationships with women as well. Nonetheless, he met this current lady and when he has those urges to be with a man...he slips out to a local bath house or he will take a trip out of town and live out his attraction to men in that town. I'm pretty sure that his wife is very aware that he has this side attraction however, many women like her has become comfortable with the lifestyle and financial rewards that guys like himself brings to the relationship. Therefore, its become something that is not discussed amongst them.

 

[Whtrbbit]

If you enjoy sex with either sex, then you're bi.

If you are having sex with women, but thinking about men while in the act... I tend to think you were gay imho.

The thing is sex and sexual attraction can be fluid in some cases when it comes to bisexuality. Sometimes you're more attracted to one sex then the other.

If you're struggling with the idea of being gay or bi, maybe you need to talk to someone who can give you more clarity then figuring whatever out from opinions on forum.

Best of luck.

 

[gb2000ie]

Why fixate on labels?

Our western society seems obsessed with classifying everyone and everything into neat little labelled pigeon holes, like we all live in a giant postal sorting office!

It seems to me that 'gay', 'straight', and 'bi' do a really poor job of capturing the spectrum of human sexuality. I doubt anyone is 100% gay or straight, so if you must force us all into boxes, then I guess we are all bi.

I much prefer the idea that we fall on a spectrum somewhere. I am much more attracted to men than women, but, there are exceptions to that rule - there are a handful of women I have found attractive over the years. Probably one for every 100 guys I've found attractive, but not zero.

Don't let labels tell you who you are attracted to, let your heart and mind tell you which human beings attract you!

B.

 

[gorgik9]

I'm amazed and a tad angered, that we let our thoughts be governed by a trio of labels, constructed in the late 19th century.

A well known GH-member said to me about a year ago: "- I guess that I could say, that technically I'm bisexual. But the thing is, that I've only had longer relationships with women, but at the same time I've always had much more sex with men - even when I'm in a relationship with a women."

We don't have any established terminology to describe our sexual life. What we got is a verbal jail.