Gaynges = Gay Changes?

[logan222]

I want to start off by saying that I really do not mean to offend anyone by what I am about to say, and I do apologize ahead of time if it comes off that way to anyone (which hopefully it doesn't).

As I am getting closer to the precipice of coming out to more and more people, I noticed something. Most of the people (actually ALL of the people in my small community) that came out earlier in life (like during high school) made a lot of changes to who they were once they were out, which is understandable because now they don't have to hide an important feature about themselves.

However, most of them changed dramatically. I'm talking about physical, social, and in some cases, even vocal changes! Once people were out in high school, they immediately lost a lot of weight and became what, in my preference, is way too skinny. They sort of feminized their appearances and 3 people that came out even started talking in a more feminine voice. Add to that fashion changes, changes in friends, and a slightly bitchier attitude. Most of the people that came out in high school went through SEVERE changes once they were out, which I respect because whatever makes them feel comfortable and happy is fine for me.

However, I don't like the idea of people expecting me to change. I look and feel and act like a regular masculine guy, and I'm attracted to other regular masculine guys (who are preferably gay, lol). One of the main reasons it took me so long to come out (or tell myself that I would eventually do it) was because I didn't want to have to become a feminized version of myself or change in any regards. Sure, I'll change in the sense that I'll tell people, "Sorry, I'm into guys" but that's about it. I don't have any desires of changing how I am. Then, I think it's difficult because no one would know I'm gay. When I came out to my friend, he was shocked because I seem and act SO straight (even though I've sucked his dick...lol).

So, what are your thoughts about gaynges, or gay changes (whenever someone changes dramatically post-coming out)? Did you do it? Did people you knew do it? Why or why not?

 

[bigsal]

As in any other context of the human race, diversity prevails.

Each has its own personality, and if possible, to express the way it is.
Do not you see what others are doing, look inside yourself.

Maybe you'll find the answer.

But perhaps you already know. Because you're a smart person.

 

[BigBenni]

Well you mentioned already several ways of how gay people can act.

I think that's maybe their way to live with it or they want to live out their deepest aspirations and there are some guys who maybe like it to show more their feminine side and those who are just guys

Well for me I can agree totally with you because I am also acting in a straight way but I think everybody is different and most possible for me is that everyone accept his sexuality and most important is that YOU know who you are and what your sexual habits are

I had a friend who was gay too(unfortunately he died with just 24 years old )and he had kinda feminine acting but in any way it fitted to him really well but it wasn't poofy at all

In general I would say that the coming out is not responsible for how you act.
I think everybody has this in his body and there are some guys who live it out and others who are acting straight

The reaction of your friend I can't understand at all. Why should straight acting guys not be gay?? You are the best example and me as well

Well and sucking dick doesn't finally mean you are gay. Maybe it is a sign for but everybody makes experiences and curiosity belongs to life doesn't it?

 

[gb2000ie]

So, what are your thoughts about gaynges, or gay changes (whenever someone changes dramatically post-coming out)? Did you do it? Did people you knew do it? Why or why not?

I've seen two kinds of changes, those where people were just free to be themselves, and those where people just fell into the stereotype. The former is great, the latter, tragic IMO.

The simple fact is that there is no gay community, there are just lots of gay people, who are all completely different! I refuse to be defined by my sexuality, I'm a man who happens to be gay, not a gay man!

B.

 

[logan222]

Do not you see what others are doing, look inside yourself.

I really like this mantra although, in my opinion, I don't think anyone is him or herself. We are all just amalgamations of how we were raised and how we have responded to how we were raised. We are also products of our environments, our TV shows, our movies, our school curricula, our pop culture heroes, our interactions with neighbors, friends, enemies, and strangers.

So, in terms of gaynges, I feel like I am also shaped by my own rejection of gay community stereotypes. I was raised with what are usually construed as socially masculine attributes, and I don't see anything wrong with them. I am fine being this "masculine" person that I've been. I like and respect my dad, so I emulate his "masculine" way of being because I find that acceptable; of course, the only difference is that I'm going to be looking for men for my romantic relationships.

I wish there were more gay men that didn't fall into the gay stereotype description. Not because I think there's anything wrong with them (I really don't), but I'm just not attracted to that sort of style. I feel like more masculine gay guys are harder to come around, are rarer, or are probably still closeted like me.

I am completely okay with people finding their own sexual identity in whichever way they feel comfortable, but I do feel like a lot of people fall into the stereotypes easily once they're out. The media is telling us that we are more likely to be like Kurt Hummel: feminized, obsessed with fashion and musical theater, etc.

I don't really like the show "Happy Endings" (too many boring, generic white characters; if there were more characters like Penny, I'd watch it more) because the gay character is a masculine slob! He doesn't fall into any major stereotypes about appearance, presentation, fashion, or vocality. Movies and TV shows always disappoint me because they make me feel like society is going to view me in that way. There is always SO much diversity in straight characters, but when it comes to gay characters, they're so quick to slap some fashion knowledge and feminized attributes to a guy and call him a representative gay character.

 

[etilit]

I never changed after coming out but than again i was older at the time (40) lol

even after i did..nobody seems to axcept it..im very masculine and dont have a bf so i think its just they cant see it in me..but thats ok with me ill be gay anyway lol

 

[Sinnerr]

And the Question of the day is: "How typical gay looks like? What He wears, How He speaks, What is His favourite music, How He gesticulates and finally How is his hairstyle ? Who first write right answer wins 100 kisses from me, but He must go to Prague and find me here. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously, Logan222, as you wrote guys who came out when they was 15 or 16 are mostly femine and I think that it's the main reason why they came out so early. They just had no reason why lieing to themselfs. These guys often doesnt cares about cars, football, icehockey, action films with Bruce Willis or Steven Segal. This things absoltly aren't teir hobbies. So them never did comfortable in boys collectives in clasrooms and so on. Femine gay guys are mostly friends much more with girls when they are teens so thats the reason why probably can early find out their real orientation so early. Second reason why lot of them is so colourful and twisted is that they want to say by this "I'm not ashamed to be gay" or "Some people say I'm fagot so I will be the Faggot with big F." But nowhere you can find any scale fo determinate what is femine yet and what is already not. Just be yourself. Don't care what say other people. "It's too gay" or "It's not gay enought" are bullshits. Only good question for you (for everybody) is "Do I like it ?" When I was 16 or 17 and younger I didn't know that I'm gay and didn't like gays especially these colourful and twisted guys. Now I'm 21 completly open about my orentation and have to tell I personally like them so much when they are twisted and colourful just right (not too much).And I'm much more muscular type of gay than femine (even though every gay is a little bit femine). Mainly, being gay is good chance to have high perspective over stupid conventions and cliches.

 

[brmstn69]

 

[zortek]

i relate completely to what you are asking yourself, i asked myself the same questions.

my simplistic response is "you are who you are, and telling people does not mean you have to change."
the feminised cliched caricature was never going to be comfortable for me, and neither was the exaggerated hyper-real masculine caricature .

like a great many of us guys who just happen to like guys, my interests, activities and social life do not fit the gay stereotypes, and nearly all of my friends are straight.

just be confident and comfortable with yourself, do not change because others expect it, and remember, we are a wide diversity, not a suffocating scene

 

[Tjerk12]

I never understood the link between appearance and sexual orientation.
In fact I do not feel at ease if people exaggerated demonstrate this (both homosexual and heterosexual).
Your sexuality is a private matter.
Whatever you do with it in a private environment should be a personal choice, not limited by any law or social aversion, as long as personal freedom, ability for proper judgment and dignity is not compromised.

 

[seemejax]

Sexuality has nothing to do with behavior, I have acted exactly the same my entire life closet or no closet, a lot of guys think i am straight at first from talking to me and that is neither an insult or compliment, it just means they have a narrow view of what a gay man's behavior should be