Getting in a Relationship

[gayguru]

First of all, I want to say hello to everyone and happy holidays I'm new to the forums and this is my first question and lengthy so bear with me.

I just decided to come out of the closet a few weeks back and now that I'm out I wanted to know how and where to start relationships with other guys. I know most gay men are comfortable with a few one night stands before they "settle down" but I want a more long-term thing.

I have a few bisexual friends, one of which I have a huge crush on. We haven't known each other for too long but we enjoy each other's company and hang out, but never one-on-one.

My question is: should I let our relationship grow and try to take it to the next level or just stay friends and search elsewhere for a relationship? If I should take it to the next level, then how?

 

[Rebel7]

Hi gayguru, Welcome!

So..You have feelings towards a bi-friend? With bi-guys its a bit risky, especially if you want a longterm relationship. I'm bi myself...its a bit crazy when your attracted to both gender. First off you should try to know if his more interested into guys ( i mean confortable and confident enough to settle in a one-one relationship with another guy). I would say, as a friend, get to know him more. It'll be better to know if he has deeper feelings towards you, just as you have towards him. All in all, if you feel its worth it then let it be smooth..no rush. Hope for the best.

 

[RefixnarcisM]

If you want to have a relationship with him, you can start by find all about his interest. The simple thing is like who musician he like, or what club hes in. Talk with him about what he interest is a nice first step. Then give some simply affection, like send him a short message in morning or at night. But dont do it regularly and dont ever expect him to reply, or even asking like why you didnt reply my message, its annoying. Do it slowly, let him curious about you. Then when you know that he giving a signal that he ALSO had a crush on you, you can tell him slowly that you also had the feeling. But at this moment dont expect or asking about serious relationship like want to marry him or like that. It takes time and you also can learn more about him and find out is he your true soulmate. Take it slowly and patient.
Thats all. Hope it help. Good luck!

 

[jw4833]

I've been approached by several bisexual guys since I've came out the closet. However, like one of the members mentioned in their post, it can be very risky as far as getting your feelings all involved because nine times out of ten, they are not on the same level of feelings as you are. Therefore, if something sexually does occur between you two, just focus on it being a random sex and put more emphasis on the friendship. In my personal experience, I had a bisexual guy who came on to me consistently which I believe because I did not pursue him as he thought I was. However, after so many pursuits from this guy, I finally gave in. We got into some pretty intense sex and once everything was over, he left and never spoke to me again. He had mutual straight friends who came to me and wondered why he was so distant from me. One of his close buddies had later on revealed to me that he had developed strong feelings for me but was afraid to open that door because he was so focus on pleasing his family with his straight side because they did not know about his fondness for guys. Years have passed, and to this day, I have never ran into him or spoke to him since. With all that being said, just protect yourself far as letting your feelings get caught up.

 

[XMan101]

I don't think it's anything to do with being Bi, it's down to the individual person.

From experience, I've fallen for both sexes at different times. I'm more interested in guys but in the end it's the "person" I fell in love with, and no I wasn't distracted by the other sex, any more than a gay or hetero guy is interested in other men or women.

If he's decent he'll be loyal and with you, and if you don't give it a go you'll never know

A first relationship with anyone is far from guaranteed so take it as it comes and see what happens, it's a fact of life most of us get heartbroken at least once

 

[gayguru]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I'll just hang with him longer and see how he feels towards to me. Regardless of what happens I'll still be his friend, but that won't stop me from doing a little flirting here and there

 

[Dendood]

As a wise man once said, "Shit or get off the pot."

The guy is no mind reader. If you like him let him know you like him. (IN a most non-threatening way of course.) More like a compliment. More like, "I'm just being genuine telling you this..."

-Be a man not a mouse. Don't play games or you'll end up wasting a lot of time in childish drama. School girl, "He loves me. He loves me not."

After that, no pressure. Let him be himself, and just as genuine. If its meant to be, he will pick up his end of the ball and help you run with it. Whatever level of feelings he has, accept it for what it is. Appreciate that if you can. Or just move on.

Be kind. Be patient. Cupid likes to make a fool of anyone who thinks they are in control.
That long term relationship will sort of come right out of left field and smack you silly when you aren't looking, or you least expect it.