Spartacus_x
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Today I randomly came across this article, and man, did it ever hit home. And it introduced me to the concept of ghosting, which is something that I've experienced several times over the last months and didn't know it was officially A Thing. Yeah, I'm late on some social phenomena apparently.
Anyway, some time last year I came to a conclusion that my self-imposed celibacy is BS and that there's really no reason why I wouldn't be meeting guys again. So, I set up a profile on a sex/dating website because that's basically the only option where I live. And yeah, I did meet some cool guys and went on interesting dates and had hot sex. But some less than amazing things also went down.
One of the first guys I met was quite blunt about me not being his type. I can't say it was an amazing feeling and the fact that I went literally across the whole town on an excruciatingly hot summer evening only to be cut off in under a minute made it all the more annoying. But you know, it didn't feel like a complete waste of my time and basically I could chalk it up to "Well, I tried, didn't work, better luck next time". You'll never be everyone's type and it's OK. I was over it quickly.
And after a while I actually realized that the guy in fact deserved a big fucking round of applause for being upfront, compared to:
Example 1: this guy and I really hit it off instantly and easily. He seemed to be exactly what I was looking for, but somehow not in a "too good to be true" way (yeah, I've had it too, and yeah, it WAS too good to be true). We agreed to meet on Friday night. Except that he texted me and said that something came up and we should see each other the next day. It made me a bit uneasy, but since not too long before it did happen to me that the person had something come up and we did see each other the next day and it was nice, I went along with it. Of course, he never showed up. Or called. Or texted. And his phone was switched off. I've seen him online since but I never contacted him again, because, what's the point?
Example 2: I chatted with this guy over several weeks. We seemed to have a lot in common, our conversations were meaningful and varied. There definitely appeared to be a great friendly vibe between us. We also spoke on the phone for almost two hours and decided we really should finally meet. And then I never heard from him again, until I asked him about a week later if he's up for drinks or something one of these days. He told me he'd really love to, but is unfortunately too busy. And then I never heard from him again, literally.
Now, this is in some ways probably even worse than straight up ghosting someone. When Example 1 happened, I knew what was going on. I didn't know why it happened and I was pretty pissed about it, but there was no confusion. This time I was left in the dark for a while. People might say I should have got the message and moved on but I... didn't. You know, people really can be too busy sometimes. He had told me about his money troubles and I thought maybe he'd got a second job and was just too exhausted, I even felt a little bad for badgering him like that when he might be going through a rough period.
That's until I realized that weeks had gone by and he was online every single day. And I remembered that he once told me he had gone to a whole different city to meet a guy he was really into. And that he had actually told me that he simply stops talking to people he's no longer interested in. And that's when it all became clear to me, but I really, really, really wish I had known all that much sooner. I'm a big boy, I could handle it. I dunno, maybe he didn't really want a friend and was simply after a top with an XXL dick to pound him really hard all along. It's OK. Just be clear about it.
Those were the two most drastic examples, but it seemed to become a running theme. No matter how well you think you have started off with someone, there was always a possibility they'd disappear off the face of Earth right out of blue. And I won't even get started on various other mind games that happen there on daily basis.
But that's not the worst. The worst is when I realized that after a while I had started doing the same thing to others. I'd hit up people I wasn't really interesting in just because I could and then ditched them when I realized they were serious about it. And that did not make me feel good about myself, to say the least. So, I've decided to take a break from the whole thing.
That was long. So, ghosting. It's shitty. Don't do it.
Anyway, some time last year I came to a conclusion that my self-imposed celibacy is BS and that there's really no reason why I wouldn't be meeting guys again. So, I set up a profile on a sex/dating website because that's basically the only option where I live. And yeah, I did meet some cool guys and went on interesting dates and had hot sex. But some less than amazing things also went down.
One of the first guys I met was quite blunt about me not being his type. I can't say it was an amazing feeling and the fact that I went literally across the whole town on an excruciatingly hot summer evening only to be cut off in under a minute made it all the more annoying. But you know, it didn't feel like a complete waste of my time and basically I could chalk it up to "Well, I tried, didn't work, better luck next time". You'll never be everyone's type and it's OK. I was over it quickly.
And after a while I actually realized that the guy in fact deserved a big fucking round of applause for being upfront, compared to:
Example 1: this guy and I really hit it off instantly and easily. He seemed to be exactly what I was looking for, but somehow not in a "too good to be true" way (yeah, I've had it too, and yeah, it WAS too good to be true). We agreed to meet on Friday night. Except that he texted me and said that something came up and we should see each other the next day. It made me a bit uneasy, but since not too long before it did happen to me that the person had something come up and we did see each other the next day and it was nice, I went along with it. Of course, he never showed up. Or called. Or texted. And his phone was switched off. I've seen him online since but I never contacted him again, because, what's the point?
Example 2: I chatted with this guy over several weeks. We seemed to have a lot in common, our conversations were meaningful and varied. There definitely appeared to be a great friendly vibe between us. We also spoke on the phone for almost two hours and decided we really should finally meet. And then I never heard from him again, until I asked him about a week later if he's up for drinks or something one of these days. He told me he'd really love to, but is unfortunately too busy. And then I never heard from him again, literally.
Now, this is in some ways probably even worse than straight up ghosting someone. When Example 1 happened, I knew what was going on. I didn't know why it happened and I was pretty pissed about it, but there was no confusion. This time I was left in the dark for a while. People might say I should have got the message and moved on but I... didn't. You know, people really can be too busy sometimes. He had told me about his money troubles and I thought maybe he'd got a second job and was just too exhausted, I even felt a little bad for badgering him like that when he might be going through a rough period.
That's until I realized that weeks had gone by and he was online every single day. And I remembered that he once told me he had gone to a whole different city to meet a guy he was really into. And that he had actually told me that he simply stops talking to people he's no longer interested in. And that's when it all became clear to me, but I really, really, really wish I had known all that much sooner. I'm a big boy, I could handle it. I dunno, maybe he didn't really want a friend and was simply after a top with an XXL dick to pound him really hard all along. It's OK. Just be clear about it.
Those were the two most drastic examples, but it seemed to become a running theme. No matter how well you think you have started off with someone, there was always a possibility they'd disappear off the face of Earth right out of blue. And I won't even get started on various other mind games that happen there on daily basis.
But that's not the worst. The worst is when I realized that after a while I had started doing the same thing to others. I'd hit up people I wasn't really interesting in just because I could and then ditched them when I realized they were serious about it. And that did not make me feel good about myself, to say the least. So, I've decided to take a break from the whole thing.
That was long. So, ghosting. It's shitty. Don't do it.
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