Hey Guys:
I hope you all had a great weekend and all is well within your lives...
I have a sibling issue that has drawn great concern for me in the worst way. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I am labeled as the "outcast" within my family due to my being a gay man. As time progressed, I did not put any focus on what they thought or how they felt. My main concern was my happiness first and foremost. My family have caused me a lot of hurt, pain and scars that within time, I've adapted to them by moving away from their environment and setting my own path as a strong individual.
My problem is this...I've mentioned that I have a younger sister whom I have a connection with. However, since I've received my degree last year, I'm beginning to see changes within our conversations that as of late entails the two of us bickering. For example, she can start a conversation about either one of my horrible siblings or something in the news and after I've listened to what she has to say and about to initiate my input, before I can finish my sentence, she is interrupting me and from that point on, I have to "fight" to get my point across. What is so draining and exhausting about this is that once she finally gets out all that she is trying to convey to me within the conversation, the results are what I have stated initially before being interrupted. She just interpret at times with different wording.
I allow her to share with me whatever emotions she is feeling in regard to the subject matter of what we are discussing. My sister (Connie) loves to talk about hurting situations that she is either encountering at the present with various siblings that usually leads to her going down "memory lane" and bringing up past hurting issues that has already been dealt with.
Many times, I dislike this because it brings up a lot of bitter memories that I've encountered with them that I have chose to forget or not think about. Unfortunately, if she continues to dig further with this subject matter, I began display anger in my behavior which results in her chastising me for doing so and she is always making the statement "You will not be a good behavioral analyst because you get angry and you should not have gotten your degree in this field". Well, I take greater offense to this statement due to the fact that I know how to separate professionalism from personal family matters. Just because I may have ill feelings which I feel are well justified when she brings them up, I would not present myself in such a manner when dealing with clients on delicate matters because I know how to separate the two and the two have nothing to do with the other. Once she does this, she lingers at great length with the discussion instead of bringing it to an end when I ask her to change the subject due to my feelings. I can recall for example when my mother was alive and Connie had endured some really bad times with her and no matter what Connie did to keep proving her loyalty to my mother, she was treated worse than before. Well, I was the person in the family that Connie cried to or vented to whenever she went through this. Many times, Connie would say how much she hated my mother for her behavior towards her. The only thing that I ever said was that she should not say that and although she never paid what I said any attention, I would allow her to have her moment nonetheless. Unfortunately, I do not get the same support.
Allow me to explain to you what happened a few hours ago within our conversation today. I have brother-in-law (Larry) who has been treated like the "brother" that I would have liked from them especially since they are my siblings. When I was initially diagnosed with kidney disease, my family did not believe my diagnosis and accused me of lying about my health. I lost my job due to constantly being ill and was advised to apply for disability benefits. During this time was very difficult for me not only emotionally, mentally, and physically, but also financially. However, during this time, my brother-in-law had just came home from the service and everyone in the family primary focus was making sure that he and my older sister were taken care of in every aspect of their lives including financially.
Unfortunately, once he got on his feet, he started to show an ungrateful attitude towards them which resulted in him putting out lies and talking about them behind their backs. One sister in particular was his biggest supporter and once she found out the things he had said about her, I was the one who shoulder looked for to cry on. Now, imagine someone calling you to tell you all that they've done for this person and here you are their blood sibling who is struggling and yet, no one offered to give you any support or assistance. During this conversation, I got so upset and interrupted her by saying "How can you discuss this with me and look for me to be supportive after I've been treated so badly by you?" She replied, "You are treated badly from the family because YOU ARE A F**KING FAGGOT and he is more of a brother than you will ever be"
Of course, I let her have it and afterwards, I've made the decision to distance myself and allow the help of certain friends and doctors until I got back on my feet. Over this past weekend, there was a family gathering and things took a nasty turn of events when Leonard decided to "show his ass" because he had some of his siblings there in attendance. What really bothers me about him is that he got treatment from my family that I had longed for at the time and yet he still gets support from a few of them to this day because he and my sisters' health has taken its toll on the both of them and yet, he is not appreciative of their efforts.
Nonetheless, I am the one whom received a lot of phone calls over the weekend wanting to discuss his behavior. Although, as time progressed over the years, I have risen above the occasion when he and other individuals' names are brought in conversation. What I have a problem dealing with is when my sister keeps talking about the incidents repeatedly and then decides to go down "memory lane" which ignites me to think about times that I do not want to. This happened today, and when I've mentioned that "I hate him" amongst with other choice words. Connie got upset and told me that I should not use the word "hate" as well as the chosen language and then she went on to degrade me for pursuing a career as a behavior analyst for saying that. I felt that if she had respected my wishes to change the subject matter, it would not have gotten to that point of anger.
Although, I was dealing with an angry moment, I do not hate anyone but as I allow her to have her moments, why am I subjected to a harsh lecture for doing so especially about someone whom is only related by marriage and she is constantly calling me talking about in a negative manner? As our voices escalated to a higher level, she kept saying over and over, I should reconsider my career path. I found this to be very insulting and hurtful due to the fact that after I had made several attempts to change the subject, I also blatantly asked her to stop talking about him or any other old, bitter memories because they are not necessary and have not substance in the discussion that we are having. I also dislike the fact that if she is going through a difficult time with a sibling and looks for me for support, however, once she is in a good place with them, she becomes defensive towards me if I say something negative about them which is true. Therefore, my feelings are supposed to change along with hers.
Now, my question to whom ever takes the time to read this, do you feel that I am in the wrong for my reaction as she does?
Thanks as always for your responses...JW:thumbs up:
I hope you all had a great weekend and all is well within your lives...
I have a sibling issue that has drawn great concern for me in the worst way. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I am labeled as the "outcast" within my family due to my being a gay man. As time progressed, I did not put any focus on what they thought or how they felt. My main concern was my happiness first and foremost. My family have caused me a lot of hurt, pain and scars that within time, I've adapted to them by moving away from their environment and setting my own path as a strong individual.
My problem is this...I've mentioned that I have a younger sister whom I have a connection with. However, since I've received my degree last year, I'm beginning to see changes within our conversations that as of late entails the two of us bickering. For example, she can start a conversation about either one of my horrible siblings or something in the news and after I've listened to what she has to say and about to initiate my input, before I can finish my sentence, she is interrupting me and from that point on, I have to "fight" to get my point across. What is so draining and exhausting about this is that once she finally gets out all that she is trying to convey to me within the conversation, the results are what I have stated initially before being interrupted. She just interpret at times with different wording.
I allow her to share with me whatever emotions she is feeling in regard to the subject matter of what we are discussing. My sister (Connie) loves to talk about hurting situations that she is either encountering at the present with various siblings that usually leads to her going down "memory lane" and bringing up past hurting issues that has already been dealt with.
Many times, I dislike this because it brings up a lot of bitter memories that I've encountered with them that I have chose to forget or not think about. Unfortunately, if she continues to dig further with this subject matter, I began display anger in my behavior which results in her chastising me for doing so and she is always making the statement "You will not be a good behavioral analyst because you get angry and you should not have gotten your degree in this field". Well, I take greater offense to this statement due to the fact that I know how to separate professionalism from personal family matters. Just because I may have ill feelings which I feel are well justified when she brings them up, I would not present myself in such a manner when dealing with clients on delicate matters because I know how to separate the two and the two have nothing to do with the other. Once she does this, she lingers at great length with the discussion instead of bringing it to an end when I ask her to change the subject due to my feelings. I can recall for example when my mother was alive and Connie had endured some really bad times with her and no matter what Connie did to keep proving her loyalty to my mother, she was treated worse than before. Well, I was the person in the family that Connie cried to or vented to whenever she went through this. Many times, Connie would say how much she hated my mother for her behavior towards her. The only thing that I ever said was that she should not say that and although she never paid what I said any attention, I would allow her to have her moment nonetheless. Unfortunately, I do not get the same support.
Allow me to explain to you what happened a few hours ago within our conversation today. I have brother-in-law (Larry) who has been treated like the "brother" that I would have liked from them especially since they are my siblings. When I was initially diagnosed with kidney disease, my family did not believe my diagnosis and accused me of lying about my health. I lost my job due to constantly being ill and was advised to apply for disability benefits. During this time was very difficult for me not only emotionally, mentally, and physically, but also financially. However, during this time, my brother-in-law had just came home from the service and everyone in the family primary focus was making sure that he and my older sister were taken care of in every aspect of their lives including financially.
Unfortunately, once he got on his feet, he started to show an ungrateful attitude towards them which resulted in him putting out lies and talking about them behind their backs. One sister in particular was his biggest supporter and once she found out the things he had said about her, I was the one who shoulder looked for to cry on. Now, imagine someone calling you to tell you all that they've done for this person and here you are their blood sibling who is struggling and yet, no one offered to give you any support or assistance. During this conversation, I got so upset and interrupted her by saying "How can you discuss this with me and look for me to be supportive after I've been treated so badly by you?" She replied, "You are treated badly from the family because YOU ARE A F**KING FAGGOT and he is more of a brother than you will ever be"
Of course, I let her have it and afterwards, I've made the decision to distance myself and allow the help of certain friends and doctors until I got back on my feet. Over this past weekend, there was a family gathering and things took a nasty turn of events when Leonard decided to "show his ass" because he had some of his siblings there in attendance. What really bothers me about him is that he got treatment from my family that I had longed for at the time and yet he still gets support from a few of them to this day because he and my sisters' health has taken its toll on the both of them and yet, he is not appreciative of their efforts.
Nonetheless, I am the one whom received a lot of phone calls over the weekend wanting to discuss his behavior. Although, as time progressed over the years, I have risen above the occasion when he and other individuals' names are brought in conversation. What I have a problem dealing with is when my sister keeps talking about the incidents repeatedly and then decides to go down "memory lane" which ignites me to think about times that I do not want to. This happened today, and when I've mentioned that "I hate him" amongst with other choice words. Connie got upset and told me that I should not use the word "hate" as well as the chosen language and then she went on to degrade me for pursuing a career as a behavior analyst for saying that. I felt that if she had respected my wishes to change the subject matter, it would not have gotten to that point of anger.
Although, I was dealing with an angry moment, I do not hate anyone but as I allow her to have her moments, why am I subjected to a harsh lecture for doing so especially about someone whom is only related by marriage and she is constantly calling me talking about in a negative manner? As our voices escalated to a higher level, she kept saying over and over, I should reconsider my career path. I found this to be very insulting and hurtful due to the fact that after I had made several attempts to change the subject, I also blatantly asked her to stop talking about him or any other old, bitter memories because they are not necessary and have not substance in the discussion that we are having. I also dislike the fact that if she is going through a difficult time with a sibling and looks for me for support, however, once she is in a good place with them, she becomes defensive towards me if I say something negative about them which is true. Therefore, my feelings are supposed to change along with hers.
Now, my question to whom ever takes the time to read this, do you feel that I am in the wrong for my reaction as she does?
Thanks as always for your responses...JW:thumbs up:
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