Help! Need Advice

[guygreen]

So it might be weird that I am asking about this here but I don't really have anyone to talk to...

So, My current roommate (single straight guy) and best friend (married female) have been having an affair. They are honestly both my best friends. Her husband is an amazing guy and honestly is the kind of guy that I would hope to meet someday.We all went to school together and now work together. The two of them went so far as to have sex in the house while I am home. I asked them to simply keep the relationship out the house. Two weeks later, she is spending the night with my roommate twice in the same week. I again confronted them both and asked for them to simply go elsewhere to do their business because the girl is using me as an excuse to not be home with her husband. He trust me because I'm gay and also have a good relationship with him. He has asked me in the past if I thought his wife was "happy" and I'm scared he is going to ask me again in the future. Now, my female is checking in on me multiple times a day (I feel like its a keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer situation). My roommate is now telling me "I'm going to go do stuff that you don't want to know about". I just don't know how to proceed. Should I move out now? I just don't want to create more drama. Any advice?

 

[lhardwick69]

if anything makes you uncomfortable in your living arrangement--then it is best to move out--but if in a contract for the place for rent and all you need to get paper saying you are exonerated from any future payments for rent electric and anything that has to do with your part of living there-- first confront your friend--tell him about how your feel then if he isn't sympathetic to your needs about it have the paper there for him to sign then move out--if don't he can sue you later for your part of the bills and have that women living there for free

 

[jw4833]

I agree with lhardwick69; I would move out if possible because once the sh*t hits the fan and believe me...it will, the husband may feel that you were aware of what was going on and have resentment towards you as well as feeling betrayed.

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

I've done this myself I got papers from the apartment company and I didn't have to pay a dime even when breaking contract.

 

[Urban]

Gotta add my agreement with everybody else. This is not a situation you want to continue to be in, and if you can afford to move out, then definitely, absolutely do it! And quit blaming yourself for the situation; you are NOT creating any drama, they are. It's entirely, 100% on them.

BTW, try finding a few new friends too; not because of the affair but because obviously they don't have a lot of respect for you.

 

[guygreen]

Thank you for your responses. I know that these people have not turned out to be great friends. I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn't being crazy or a bad friend. I know that it is often the case that living with friends turns out to be really bad, i just never thought that this situation would occur. I just hope that the situation doesn't turn around to bite me in the ass.

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Thank you for your responses. I know that these people have not turned out to be great friends. I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn't being crazy or a bad friend. I know that it is often the case that living with friends turns out to be really bad, i just never thought that this situation would occur. I just hope that the situation doesn't turn around to bite me in the ass.

Nobody really does... see even though I am that advanced behavioral psychologist and that I can read non-verbal it doesn't change that I cannot always decipher some of my friends behaviors (sometime you just don't want to read your friends). The problem with being friends and living together is that you get to see and live with all those little things that annoys you from your friends when you were not living together, but once you do share apartment you started to find out that those little things are becoming big things and just plain annoying.

Per example I had once a roommate who was a good friend of mine and when I was in University he asked to share an apartment to reduce costs. Well I agreed of course because he was my friend and I believed it would be just darn cool to live with one of my best friends. The problem is that me and the dude did not have the same understanding of cleanliness, order and organisation. In my house if you move the salt from the place I left it, I'll notice it immediately I am extremely anal with cleanliness and order... and he was way more relax since his mom used to do all that for him. it didn't take long for me to get frustrated and yes I give the example of order and cleanliness but he also had the bad habits of inviting friends at any given time even during exams periods... I liked his friends but not during exams and not every day.

So yes there's a lot of compromise that need to be done when entering sharing accommodation with someone whether it's a friend or just an acquaintance... in your case you are the middle man of a soon to explode war where both parties will ask you to take their sides. Unless you want to go with Salome's judgment I join the others in the thread to tell you to get the fuck out of there for 1. your self respect and 2. avoid drama. Unless you want to see how messy things get when the shit hit the fan... we tried once with horse shit and threw it up to the ceiling fan... it's not pretty )

 

[shannon]

Kick both of them to the curb. Those type of people are idiots. Straight gay don't matter. They are acting like asses and don't care about anybodys feeling except there own. Class up and get rid of them.

 

[hugmebear]

Nobody really does... see even though I am that advanced behavioral psychologist and that I can read non-verbal it doesn't change that I cannot always decipher some of my friends behaviors (sometime you just don't want to read your friends). The problem with being friends and living together is that you get to see and live with all those little things that annoys you from your friends when you were not living together, but once you do share apartment you started to find out that those little things are becoming big things and just plain annoying.

Per example I had once a roommate who was a good friend of mine and when I was in University he asked to share an apartment to reduce costs. Well I agreed of course because he was my friend and I believed it would be just darn cool to live with one of my best friends. The problem is that me and the dude did not have the same understanding of cleanliness, order and organisation. In my house if you move the salt from the place I left it, I'll notice it immediately I am extremely anal with cleanliness and order... and he was way more relax since his mom used to do all that for him. it didn't take long for me to get frustrated and yes I give the example of order and cleanliness but he also had the bad habits of inviting friends at any given time even during exams periods... I liked his friends but not during exams and not every day.

So yes there's a lot of compromise that need to be done when entering sharing accommodation with someone whether it's a friend or just an acquaintance... in your case you are the middle man of a soon to explode war where both parties will ask you to take their sides. Unless you want to go with Salome's judgment I join the others in the thread to tell you to get the fuck out of there for 1. your self respect and 2. avoid drama. Unless you want to see how messy things get when the shit hit the fan... we tried once with horse shit and threw it up to the ceiling fan... it's not pretty )

I hate having roommates. I've had one who kept bags of fast food in the fridge for up to 4 months (literally, they were dated) but gave me shit for discarding it cause "it his food and his half of the fridge". I've also had friends who try to use my place as a dating/sex pad when I refused to let them move in.

@guygreen: run far, run fast! When the shit hits, your roomie will blame you for not preventing him from his mistake, she'll say you should have lied to her husband to protect her, and her husband will think you enabled/aided their affair.

 

[herod]

I can't believe your so-called best friends are putting you in that situation. If I were you, I would just find a way to let the husband know the truth, and if it does get messy, move out.

 

[topdog]

You have been dragged into the middle of a situation that is guaranteed to blow up in everyone's faces. There is about a 99% chance that you will lose all three as friends. (You might be able to keep one - maybe.) If there is one relationship you think you might want going forward, then support that person completely now, and let go of the rest.

None of this is your fault. The fuse has already been lit, and there's nothing you can do to stop the pending big bang.

Save yourself, and yeah, get some new friends.

 

[guygreen]

Thanks everyone... So I think you are all right. I came home 30 min early from work to them going at it. They didn't even hear me because they were so loud. I am spending the weekend trying to find a new place to live. I'm not gonna say anything to the roomie. He works 24hr shifts and I think I am just gonna move my shit out while he is gone and simply pay the landlord through the duration of the lease. Financially awful but I think it will be worth it. I went over to the wife and husband's house and he didn't even acknowledge I was there. He said "Hey, I'm outa here". So I think he probably thinks I'm covering for her. I'm not sure I should say anything because the two of them will blame me for the secret getting out because I think I'm the only one that knows.

 

[hugmebear]

Was she home when you went over to their place? Remember, her alibi is being with you so you can't show up without her. Doing so would screw her marriage. If she was there, he said "Hey, I'm outa here" because he probably thought "She spends most days with you and now you have to rob me of what little time she spends at home."

Due to this you'll have few opportunities to see her. He resents you for stealing his wife. Do you resent your roommie for taking your best friend without consideration? Are you pissed at her for making you a bad guy to her husband? I'm sorry you're the scapegoat; all 3 bridges have commenced their burning.