I want to live until I'm about 30... I want to die in the best of my life.
Than you should have killed yourself at 12 years old...
The best of your life isn't your age, I believed to have the best of my life when I was performing, just to find out that the best of my life is what I decide of it on a daily basis.
At twelve your parents takes care of everything for you. You don't have to worry about going to work, pay your taxes, car, food in the fridge, children scholarships funds, your job is to go to school and get good grades. Politics doesn't bother you, beside that little politics in school, sex isn't your greatest interest at 12, you're mostly interested in toys and video games. Therefore if before 30 is the best of your life, you definitely should have end this living of yours at 12.
Life is a work in progress, you'll NEVER get the best of it, on your death bed you're still going to say... "I should have done this instead of this". CARPE DIEM... seize the day, the best of your life is NOW, not in the past, not in the future, it's NOW. And frankly perhaps in the gay world 30 years old seems ancient, but you've have at least a good additional 40 years to go, so better make the best of it now.