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How should i handle this...

jw4833

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Hey Guys:

I wanted to share something with you all in order to get different opinions which I'm pretty sure I will. This is the situation:

Back in March, I met this really, really, hot guy at one of my friend's dinner party. Although I found him to be quite attractive, I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him. Instead, within an hour or so, this hottie approached me. He had started chatting with me and I found him to not only to be hot, but he was also so cool and smooth as silk. He also had a voice that drawed your attention. Also, he knew how to hold your attention with his conversation. For the remaining of the evening, we've hung out together and I was immersed with this hottie's charisma and topic of discussions as well. To let you know how smooth he was, he did not come on to me at the least even though I knew he was really checking me out. It was as if he was just focusing on getting me to get to know him to the point of being comfortable in his presence.

My friends are accustomed to throwing dinner parties, or game night, movie night, etc. there is always something going on at someone's place. Mr. Hottie was always present for the past several months at every occasion that would come up. Everytime, he would get me in an isolated part of the house and we would laugh and talk and close everyone else out. Several of my friends have taken notice of this guy paying me a lot of attention and just thought it was great that someone was making me laugh and seeing me having a great time.

So, for awhile, that was the basis of our meetings. Basically, chatting, laughing and just enjoying each others' company. Over the past month however, Mr. Hottie decides to take it to the next level and started flirting with me big time. He was even smooth with that to say the least..Once he started flirting with me, I decided to ask him about having a boyfriend. At that time, he told me that he was single and had broken up with someone almost a year ago. Because I never saw him with anyone, I tend to believe him. Eventually, the flirting go to the point of him sitting in my lap or dancing with me with him grinding slowly against me and holding me tight against him.

From that point on, the flirting went to long kisses..which btw..he's a good kisser too..with some sexy dirty talk. OK..let me get to the point and leave out all the fillers..lol..this past weekend, We had spent the whole afternoon together, and late that evening, he had invited me out for breakfast to which I consented to. I was under the assumption that we were going to one of the 24 hr. restaurants, instead, he wanted me to come by his place and he would cook breakfast for me.

To give him some time to get things together, He gave me his address and I went by my place to check on things and freshen up a little. Now, when I got to his place, the windows were dark and didn't see any lights and thought he may have left or got sidetracked. However, I did hear the faint sound of music coming from the living room. I had rang the doorbell, and didn't get no reply. I turned the doorknob, and it opened up. I walked in the entrance and the music wasn't faint sounding anymore and there were lit candles in certain areas of the room. In fact, it was Luther Vandross playing and I knew instantly.."BOOTY CALLL"...

I called out his name again, and he appeared dressed in a robe and he had all this food spread out on the dining room table. He walked towards me and gave me a kiss and asked me if I was hungry....little did he know how hungry I was..lol.. He motioned for me to sit down and he pulled my chair back and sat on my lap, took off his robe where he was totally naked with a HUGE hard on. I laid him back on the dining room table and began to eat food off his body..I spreaded jelly all over his body and worked my tongue from his chest to his dick..he started moaning and asked me to join him..by taking off my clothes.

With Luther playing in the background, we fucked the early morning hours away and fell asleep at sunrise in each other's arms. Eventually, we woke up and took a shower together and started all over again...I was feeling all kinds of emotions because I had not felt this way about anyone that I've dated in this manner since my late bf. So, it was an uncanny feeling for me..

Ok..now this where things began to get sticky..later that evening, one of my friends had been trying to get a hold of me and I finally got around to calling him back. He came by and we got to chatting and I told him where had been and who I was with..this is when everything exploded. He was OH NO!!! I just thought you guys were just chatting as friends, I had no idea that it was getting that close..I asked him why he was so concerned..He told me that he knows this guy's bf...I was shocked..I said he told me he didn't have a bf and they had broken up almost a year ago..

My friend told me he had lied to me..he and his bf have been together for several years. His bf had been out of town for the past several weeks with his job and that was their place that we had our little fling in.

Now, I feel awful and pissed, and disappointed because I too know his bf ..not as a friend, but as an acquaintance. This guy has always treated me nice and gave me a lot of support during my bf's passing.

This is my dilemma,...I have a lot of respect for his bf, and I think I should tell him what happened between me and Mr. Hottie. I need to figure out a way to go about approaching him with this. Now, my friends tell me if I tell him exactly what happened, he would understand from my perspective and probably would respect me even more for confiding in him about it.

So..what do you guys think?...Thanking you all in advance who take out the time not only read this, but offer a response to it...much appreciated...:eek:
 
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XMan101

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That is a difficult situation to be sure!

I've always believed in honesty and if I knew both of them without realising they were connected I'd probably have to tell him. Maybe you weren't the first this guy has flirted with either!
If it was just a one-off evening that went too far then maybe it's worth keeping quiet, but he seemed to go to great lengths to seduce you and it was obviously planned.

In those circumstances I'd certainly feel I'd want to say something.
 

brmstn69

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I ain't got any advise, but I am suddenly HUNGRY...
 

Tjerk12

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Hi JW,
Before I try to answer your question, or let us say to give my point of view to the matter, I must give you a great compliment. You are a great writer! The speed, the variation and still keeping a straight line, deserves respect. Ever tried to write a book? You must have the talent to do so.
Now your question: The way things developed makes me think that you must be a hottie too, worth to take a calculated risk for Mr Hottie (assuming that he is not totally brainless). Now there appear some questions. How is the relationship between the couple? Monogamous, or more or less loose, both making “little escapades”? I know some examples of the latter. What was your own intention? Did you really want to start a relationship? Or was it an explosion of feelings and physical attraction? How deep are you hurt?
Whatever the answers are to these questions, one thing is for sure: he lied to you. By not giving you the correct information he deprived you a proper consideration. So he used you. That is a mean thing to do and I think that fact alone gives you the right to tell his bf about it. When your intention was to start a relationship, the consequences of his lies were even worse. Then he not only used you, but misused your feelings. When you don’t tell his bf about the matter (in a way it can seem a solution to avoid a big quarrel between the two friends) there is always the danger that somehow his bf hears about your adventure. It is not unthinkable that then in the end you will be the bad guy!
When the relationship is not as monogamous as it looks, telling the truth will not lead to big fuzz.
So considering the possible consequences I would advise to tell the truth. But such an advise is easy to give when something is not you own problem. I wish you all the necessary strength for finding the right solution.
 

jw4833

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Hi JW,
Before I try to answer your question, or let us say to give my point of view to the matter, I must give you a great compliment. You are a great writer! The speed, the variation and still keeping a straight line, deserves respect. Ever tried to write a book? You must have the talent to do so.
Now your question: The way things developed makes me think that you must be a hottie too, worth to take a calculated risk for Mr Hottie (assuming that he is not totally brainless). Now there appear some questions. How is the relationship between the couple? Monogamous, or more or less loose, both making “little escapades”? I know some examples of the latter. What was your own intention? Did you really want to start a relationship? Or was it an explosion of feelings and physical attraction? How deep are you hurt?
Whatever the answers are to these questions, one thing is for sure: he lied to you. By not giving you the correct information he deprived you a proper consideration. So he used you. That is a mean thing to do and I think that fact alone gives you the right to tell his bf about it. When your intention was to start a relationship, the consequences of his lies were even worse. Then he not only used you, but misused your feelings. When you don’t tell his bf about the matter (in a way it can seem a solution to avoid a big quarrel between the two friends) there is always the danger that somehow his bf hears about your adventure. It is not unthinkable that then in the end you will be the bad guy!
When the relationship is not as monogamous as it looks, telling the truth will not lead to big fuzz.
So considering the possible consequences I would advise to tell the truth. But such an advise is easy to give when something is not you own problem. I wish you all the necessary strength for finding the right solution.

Hey..thanks so much for responding to my post. First of all..thanks for noticing my writing skills..I have taken three years of collge writing and composition and I am planning on writing a book as we speak..Secondly, I am not in love with this guy..my initial intent was since he was going out of his way to converse with me..I thought he could be a good friend and if something develops down the line..then fine...I am not one who rushes into relationships..not my thing..furthermore, I felt if he wanted a one night stand..I would have known it becuase usually guys make attempts to pursue that instantly, not through a three month of conversing ....at least I think that is the way it works..lol...As a matter of fact, I did meet with the bf that he "cheated" on with me last night, and I was honest with him in regard to what happened and how it happened..He was not surprised at all..and he confided in me that he has had his suspicions about him trying to get with me because he was always asking about me and he had caught him staring at me a while back which unknown to me...nonetheless, he and I are still cool with each other and he appreciated my honesty..so how he handles his relationship is their business..but I will say that after our chat, I did get the feeling that they are involved in some kind of open relationship that has been a situation just between them..which is fine..but I don't want no parts of it..but I was not hurt after finding out what was up, I was pissed and disappointed because I did like him as a person, and I was attracted to him physically and who knows what could have develop later on..but its all good..you never stop learning...and then not to sound cocky..but in a way...its kind of flattering that he went through all of those channels just to get laid by me..he put in a lot of work..to say the least...lol..thanks again..buddy..all is good...take care..J:thumbs up:
 

richym

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Hey JW,
I'm glad you were able to chat with the bf and get things cleared up. Yeah in a situation like that I think it is helpful to be honest. It is good that you can see a bright side out of all of this. It is sad that Mr Hottie had to lie to you about the boyfriend, especially if they are in an open relationship. Maybe he saw you are a really good guy, who is only interested in true love, and he had to win that love from you. I think it is a good thing that you are not just interested in running after a one night stand. Keep that up, and I hope that the next time someone works hard to win your heart that it is because they really love you, and want to only be with you.
 

jw4833

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Hey JW,
I'm glad you were able to chat with the bf and get things cleared up. Yeah in a situation like that I think it is helpful to be honest. It is good that you can see a bright side out of all of this. It is sad that Mr Hottie had to lie to you about the boyfriend, especially if they are in an open relationship. Maybe he saw you are a really good guy, who is only interested in true love, and he had to win that love from you. I think it is a good thing that you are not just interested in running after a one night stand. Keep that up, and I hope that the next time someone works hard to win your heart that it is because they really love you, and want to only be with you.

Thanks so much..you know everytime we would meet and chat, he would always say..How good of a catch I am...and how anybody would be lucky to have me as their man...so, while talking with his bf last night, my mind wandered off and I thought ..."WOW"..he really f**ked up..not only can he not get into my pants again..he can't even have me as a friend...I will speak to him if and when I ever see him again..but that is as far as it will go...I'm not worried about meeting someone new..I got sooo much going on in my life to keep me busy that I don't have time to dwell on that..I know it will happen when its meant to ....besides..Im a GOOD CATCH!!!...lol..lol..thanks again for taking the time to respond to my post..I really do appreciate it...:)
 

richym

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Yeah mate, you sound like a great guy, and I hope that you will find someone really great and loving to be with. I am sure Mr Hotie will realise he has ruined things. It's great you don't get down about being single. It is great to have someone special, but it is fine to be single too. All the best for the future.
 
T

Tom

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I was going to suggest you call Mr. Hottie and tell him you have since found
out he has a boyfriend and you are disappointed and saddened that he led you on. Tell him you are not going to cause problems in his and his boyfriends relationship but you just needed to let him know what he did was wrong, and hopefully he doesn't make a practice of it.

But since you talked to his boyfriend already I guess my suggestion is to late.
 

slimjim

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Well at least you didn't end up adding a huge side order of guilt for being the reason that a couple in a longtem relationship split because of your action.
 

jw4833

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Well at least you didn't end up adding a huge side order of guilt for being the reason that a couple in a longtem relationship split because of your action.

Well..I was not aware of him being in a relationship when he and I were chatting over those several months. When I asked him, he told me NO..so that guilt would not have been laid on me because of that fact. In fact, that is what I told his bf when I met him. This was the major factor that PISSED me off with Mr. Hottie..because all the time we spent together..he never was honest enough to be truthful to avoid such a matter. Therefore, that falls all on him...:no:
 
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