How to come out in China?

[775405984]

I'm curious, how to come out as a member of a traditional Chinese family.

 

[regnomraw]

Don't rate your chances mate if you stay in the country. I'd try to move to a more tolerant country and wait until you are self-suficient then try it then...

 

[clh_hilary]

What do you mean by 'traditional'? I'm a Hong Kong Chinese living in Hong Kong and I'm out to everybody.

 

[topdog]

I'm curious, how to come out as a member of a traditional Chinese family.

What is it like in your family? Can you tell us about some of the issues that you have there?

 

[trencherman]

Around this time you don a gay apparel?

 

[mark_63]

I'd like to think that a forum this large could actually offer some advice worthy of the question that has been put to it.

The insensitive responses that I am seeing here are not what I had expected to see. A member is asking about how he can live his life as himself and is being told to leave his home, family, and work in the most curt way possible. While some of us are blessed enough to be able to live in countries that have accepted and welcomed us; we have to know that there are many places in this world where it is dangerous to even be thought of as gay.

I wish I could offer sound advice to our friend '775405984', but as I do not know enough about the laws or the traditions in China I can't. I hope that someone with more background could possibly offer some sound advice to this member.

 

[clh_hilary]

I don't think knowing the 'Chinese background' is sufficient, or even relevant. It really depend on what the family is like (core and extended), what the person is like, what he's trying to achieve with this, and how much he can lose.

 

[dorodoro]

It is wrong to think that nobody in mainland China tolerates gay lifestyle but based on experience, those tolerant/progressive mainland Chinese people would be few and far between.

The thing is even straight/hetero sexual activities in China still not at all a popular dinner table topic of conversation let alone what gay people do in the bedroom. That is still very much a taboo I'm afraid. A typical mainland Chinese family never talks about their individual intimate sexual activities with their family members.

What I can tell you is that many mainland Chinese families with an openly gay son/daughter accept them for who they are. The neighbors, well, that's another matter. Maybe they will, maybe not.

Look, people will think what they want to think wherever. The main thing you should consider is your own happiness and also give some thought on your family's reputation in your community. I can tell you that there are other families who have "lost face" with their friends and community members after they found out their child is gay. You must weigh the pros and cons.

I remember a Chinese grandma who posted a video on youtube that went viral asking her community to accept her grandson for being gay. Although that was a very heartwarming and thoughtful thing to do, it also tell us about what local Chinese community thinks about gays.

As I said, people will think what they want to think. If you're too miserable being in the closet and you think coming out is really significant and important to you then by all means come out. Just be strong just in case there are some negative blow-backs.

The actual coming is easier. Just ask your family members (especially your parents) for a private moment and that you have something important to tell them. And just as gently as you can tell them that you love them and that you are gay.

I hope this helps in anyway and good luck.

 

[topdog]

...The thing is even straight/hetero sexual activities in China still not at all a popular dinner table topic of conversation let alone what gay people do in the bedroom. That is still very much a taboo I'm afraid. A typical mainland Chinese family never talks about their individual intimate sexual activities with their family members...

There are very few places where fucking is considered polite dinner conversation. Or maybe I'm just Chinese.

 

[tonka]

The one who could shed some light on this is the original poster. He's been a member for three years, and we know nothing but a very vague post.
I realize there can be many reasons for that, but without some feel for this person and his life, there's not much to say except good luck. Or make jokes.

So good luck on finding your way. If you really want to get into this, we're right here. And don't worry about the jokes. It's just us. Jokey and dopey.

 

[clh_hilary]

There are very few places where fucking is considered polite dinner conversation. Or maybe I'm just Chinese.

But it is on mine, and I am Chinese.