how to leave him without causing any hurts ?

[cute-zozo]

hey guys .. how are you all :heart::heart:
i just wanna ask you a question ... i know i shouldn't ask you that but i really not you experiences ...
i had a relationship and it lasted for over 6 months ... i like him but i dont love him .. i wanna leave him without causing any hurts ... he's a nice guy and been very nice to me and always was there when i needed him .
but i just ... i feel him as a best friend not a BF ...
tell me guys
i really don't wanna lose him
and another question please
if i am not so sure about it, then what do i have to do to make sure that i am ?
does anyone understand me ~X(~X(~X( ?
cuz i don't :no::no::no:

 

[c750dt]

It won't be fun or pleasant but you should just tell him how you feel. Be nice about it though. It may be painful at first but in the long term, you both are much better off being able to pursue a relationship in which there is real love.

 

[Ralph69]

Hi, I understand how do you feel, most important thing in a relationship is to be honest with your partner, if you're not so sure, about your feelings, ask him to give you some time, after this time if you decide, to end the relationship and keep him as a friend, ask him if that is possible, at this point, tell him that you love him, but you don't want to hurt him, he has the last word, good luck.

 

[topdog]

That is such a hard place to be. Being dumped is tough, but having to be the one doing the dumping comes a close second place.

First - should you leave him? These are the questions I usually ask:

• Can you be your honest self 100% around him?
• Does being with him make your life better - both in the fun times (dates, Christmas, vacations) as well as tough times (health, career, family or money crises)?

Now, let's assume that you are leaving (which you seem to indicate is what you want to do). It is only natural that since you are a kind, compassionate person that you want to do this in a way that causes the least amount of hurt. That is an admirable goal, but it's also true that there is no such thing as a no-hurt divorce. This is going to be messy to some extent. How messy depends on many factors such as how much experience you both have in dealing with this kind of thing, how much he is in love with you, and what else is going on you lives.

Notice that most of those things are completely outside of your control. You need to acknowledge that. You are not going to be able to steer this relationship to an easy soft landing. You are probably going to come off as the "bad guy". He is probably going to be blindsided and feel rejected and maybe deceived. Whatever. You can't prevent that from happening.

Also none of those things are bad, really. This is the way we process emotion and relationship. Remember, every relationship you will ever have is going to end (either by choice or by death). You are going to be on one side or the other of this equation many more times.

The best you can be is:

1. Honest about how you feel - don't soften the blow or leave him with false hope that maybe your feelings will change
2. Respectful of his feelings and pain - if he is hurting, don't minimize it or brush it off. Did you break his heart? Own up to it. No - there was no intention to hurt, but if he blames you for the hurt, he is not wrong.

If you are honest and compassionate, you are doing everything you can to move this relationship toward the friendship you want. The rest is up to him.

 

[gb2000ie]

I totally agree with everything TopDog said.

Unless he happens to be feeling the same as you, this is going to hurt him. That doesn't mean you should not leave. If you really don't love him, then staying will only make the eventual end worse.

I believe 6 months is one of those known 'itch' phases in a relationship, where the instense passion of early love fades, and is replaced by a more low-key flavour of love. This is not a sign of your relationship failing, or being in trouble. The intensity of the start of a relationship is just too strong to last - it would drain you utterly!

I was on the receiving side of being dumped in a situation that does not sound all that dissimilar. I was in love, but my partner was not sure. He decided to end it. Broke my heart. Because he was doing the leaving, he went to a friends house. I separated all our stuff, and started to make plans to find a new place to live. It was really horrible.

His friends took him for a weekend away, and they were lying on a mountain in the middle of nowhere gazing at the stars, and as he tells it, he realised that there was no on on earth wished was there with him more than me.

We had a long hard chat. I'd accepted the relationship was over, and wasn't too keen to blindly jump back in and risk the same pain again. It took a fair bit of talking, thinking, and time. But I deciced I was game to give it another go.

That was over 10 years ago, and today, we're civil partners, and very happy together.

As utterly ghastly as it was at the time, what we needed to realised what we meant to each other was to feel what it was like to lose each other.

B.

 

[dargelos]

From where you are standing now, six months together seems like a long time. From where I'm standing, six months is no time at all. But that's compared to the thirty four years we've been an item. After the first six months I had no long term plans, I had no idea it would last for ever.
If he was a no hoper you'd have found that out by now. There is obviously something there, which might fade or it might grow. You have plenty of time, no need to rush into any hasty decision.

 

[trencherman]

All wise counsels. Amazing!

 

[Shelter]

All here given advices are great, well-conceived and worthwhile - but are they good in practical experience? Such a discussion with a BF will always leave a broken heart and/or a wounded vanity. I don't believe that you can depart as "good friends".

If both of you feel that there will be no love anymore - sure it may be easier. But in this special case one person only will be the victim on this battle-ground.

I'll understand you, that you are not sure to love him and that you think it will be better to go. But that will be possible only with a painful cut. My opinion - sorry.

 

[pornoboy]

be open - tell him how you feel in a most kindly way - he maybe in the same situation - afraid telling you and not wanting to hurt you.
Are you sure ?

Good luck.​

 

[cute-zozo]

be open - tell him how you feel in a most kindly way - he maybe in the same situation - afraid telling you and not wanting to hurt you.
Are you sure ?

Good luck.​

you are right
he was in the same situation, yet he couldn't understand what i am feeling.
he couldn't understand what i was straggling for, i was straggling for our relationship after we broke up, i need him as a friend, yet he still didn't understand it.

 

[slickboy]

Don't be a coward

Unless he wants to break up too but hasn't told you, forget the notion of a "no pain" break-up. The best you can do is a "minimal pain" break-up. If you actually care in the slightest about his feelings, be up-front, kind, and honest.

Frankly, the "no pain" holy grail is more about your anxiety of guilt or a messy scene than it is about his emotions. Speaking from personal experience, it is really nasty when a relationship "evaporates" instead of breaks up. When a guy just stops calling/replying to texts, or when he says, "Oh, I've just been really busy. But, yes, it would be nice to see you," as if you are some business associate from the past, it leaves a guy confused, and ultimately angry. Instead of your future ex thinking of you as a past-flame, he'll think of you as a cowardly asshole... and he'll let his friends know of the shitty way you broke up too.

I've dated guys I'm still friendly with. I've also dated ones that I'll never see but have fond memories of. The ones I think badly of were the ones that didn't have the balls to tell me it was over.

 

[brmstn69]

I have no idea how to break up with somebody, most my relationships have ended with them leaving, or in one case shooting, me. Other than those, well... Let's just say I have a bad habit of "ghosting" people...

 

[topdog]

... most my relationships have ended with them leaving, or in one case shooting me...

Let's add that to the list of what not to do.

 

[Shelter]

Let's add that to the list of what not to do.

S H O O T I N G???????
Oh my dear Lord - what a terrible divorce! I can't believe that. It's horrible!

 

[brmstn69]

Let's add that to the list of what not to do.

What's really bad is that this incident is way down at number 12 on my list of why I quit drinking...

S H O O T I N G???????
Oh my dear Lord - what a terrible divorce! I can't believe that. It's horrible!

It was really stupid. Jim (my ex) brought home a kitten and I told him he could not keep it. We already had 3 cats, a dog, 2 rabbits, an 8ft. Boa, a 4ft iguana and I even had a pet rat...

We were both drunk, started to argue and he pulled a .22, put it to my head, and I don't know if he intended to shoot me or not, but I grabbed the gun just as it went off...

I "field stripped" the pistol in literally a split second and dropped the parts at his feet. He took off running and never came back.

My mother and my other roommate were there to witness it all. After he was gone, I went down to my mother's (she has an apt. in my house) to calm her and myself down. As I was sitting in a chair I herd Andrew, my other roommate whisper "Kevin's been shot" and my mother reply "I know... Shut the fuck up. If he realizes it, he'll chase Jim down the street and kill him"...

That's when I looked down and saw powder burns all the way down my arm and a bullet hole through the webbing of my index finger and thumb. I never felt a thing...

A month later, I learned that Jim had joined the Army and requested immediate deployment to Iraq. It seems he wanted to get as far away from me as possible...

But the really fucked up part? I ended up keeping that Goddamned cat...:rofl:

 

[Shelter]

Let me say that drinking - too much drinking - is never a good thing. But to do such a horrible thing I would not only excuse with "too much drinking". He was your friend - your boyfriend! Did he know the term "friend" or "boyfriend"? I know personally that some things may happen in a relationship out of a vacuous dispute. There may be evil words (and they too can hurt so very much) - but a gun put to the head of the partner - wow. Please don't be angry - but I hope he will never return from Iraq.

 

[heyisthis4real]

Just leave

 

[brmstn69]

Let me say that drinking - too much drinking - is never a good thing. But to do such a horrible thing I would not only excuse with "too much drinking". He was your friend - your boyfriend! Did he know the term "friend" or "boyfriend"? I know personally that some things may happen in a relationship out of a vacuous dispute. There may be evil words (and they too can hurt so very much) - but a gun put to the head of the partner - wow. Please don't be angry - but I hope he will never return from Iraq.

Boyfriend? More like boy toy...
He was an "acquaintance" of my previous boyfriend (whom I did care for greatly) that swooped in as soon as we broke up thinking he'd found a sugar daddy. All he wanted was to be kept. He thought I was a stupid, broken-hearted, drunken ex-grunt that he could take advantage of. I on the other hand, knew exactly what he was. An opportunistic, 19yo twink with a 10" cock (too bad he couldn't use it) that I could use like the cheap whore he was and dispose of when I tired of him. And use him I did...:devil:

 

[firestorm]

Boyfriend? More like boy toy...
He was an "acquaintance" of my previous boyfriend (whom I did care for greatly) that swooped in as soon as we broke up thinking he'd found a sugar daddy. All he wanted was to be kept. He thought I was a stupid, broken-hearted, drunken ex-grunt that he could take advantage of. I on the other hand, knew exactly what he was. An opportunistic, 19yo twink with a 10" cock (too bad he couldn't use it) that I could use like the cheap whore he was and dispose of when I tired of him. And use him I did...:devil:

Sounds like you at least got your fill of him first.

 

[trypt]

Personally I wont want anyone staying with me out of pity. So I say RIP THE BANDAID OFF!