How to move on from someone

[Me-Hostage]

First off, my boyfriend has been in county since 2013, and he will probably be going to prison for some time in the coming months when his trial comes. Even though he is in jail for what he did to me, and a few others, after thinking it over I stuck with him. However, last year I ended things with him when I met someone, it seemed easy to do, but then I was left on the side like trash from the second and third guys. My ex said he wanted me back, for us to fight. I said yes, but a because a part of me still cared for him, but a part of me wanted to move on, and was scared of being alone. Long story short I said yes, I would wait. Now after a year I have met someone, he seems like a great great guy. I know what he wants, but I'm not sure what I want. I want to be able to let my past go and try to move on and be happy, but the part that cares about the boyfriend is afraid to let him know I am moving on without him for fear he will do something stupid will locked up. I just want to be happy.

Has anyone been in such a situation? Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[socrates]

Apart from the prison thing, i'm in a similar situation. After 3 years spent loving someone (who didn't deserve it) i've been able to leave him and I met someone new. But it's difficult to move on, I feel like it's too soon and all I wanna do is lock myself in my house and sleep
I guess we need time. And not be scared of what happens if things don't work out well with the new love interest. Being alone is good, too...

 

[Otage]

Well to me I had to make it clear to myself, that it's truly over, that I wouldn't accept him back even if he offered it. And to totally let someone go, you have forgive all the grugdes in order to let them go and stay in the past. Hate is a strong bridge to past. After that, focus on you, your own things, your life, your friends. And after that, look to the future. These are all just my personal opinnions. And I think that if one mets someone new, and he still compares him to his exes, he hasn't truly letten them go. And obviously all above takes time. Short burst of love = recovery time months.

"we accept the love we think we deserve"

 

[jw4833]

My situation is different from yours but the similarity lies with the moving on part. When my partner died so unexpectedly...I felt as if my world had crumbled and I went into a deep, manic depression for a period of time. Once I was persuaded back into the "real world" after undergoing therapy...(yes, I went through counseling and therapy for a period of time as well which helped me out tremendously)....I was very attached to my close friends and would only go out if I was with one of them or altogether. I was not interested in guys who had been pursuing me because my mind and thoughts were so fixated on him. Even after I started dating...I found myself trying to compare everyone that I met to him. After having a long, deep conversation with his mother who had encouraged me to move on and seek happiness...I am dating again and not comparing anyone to him. Although I have met some "idiots" that I could write a book about...I am still flattered and humbled at the fact that guys still pursue me and find me to be interesting which means a lot to me whether the situation turns out bad. Although, this was a very difficult process and one that I thought I would never get over in a million years...I still do think a lot about my late partner but I do not let my memories hinder me into allowing someone new into my life and that is a part of myself that I am so proud of. To conclude, take "baby steps" and before you know it...you too will be able to allow someone new into your life without any hesitation....every thing good happens in time.

 

[Me-Hostage]

Thanks for the reply guys. Here is an update...

First off, the main reason why I am wanting to move is because I met a guy recently. He knows my ex, he knows the situation too, and he's been there for me since we met. He makes me happy. He makes me actually want to be alive. He makes me laugh and smile. I really hope this lasts.

However, there is a little problem, if you can call it that, last week the probation office called, said my ex may get released this month without any prison time, and he put me down as a home plan. I said sure, since I already made it clear right before that, that I was done, moving on, but would still be his friend and offer him a separate room until he's able to get a job and get his own place. Now, the problem that I may face. The current guy is trying to relocate to the same town, now he is just a town a way. However, he is also on probation, but will not be living with me, but with his friends. How do I have my current guy over with my ex there, when they are not allowed to be in the same house?

Am I wrong for wanting to be happy with this guy and still offering to help my ex? I've been trying to get a hold of his friend to see if he can home there instead of with me. My current guy said he has no issues with me helping him, he told me to do what I felt was right, but I dunno...

 

[Otage]

I would loose the ex. I have never seen any reason for staying as friends with ex. And would never live with them, cause I can see million broblems with that. Especially if that is complicating your hanging with your new guy. Just my opinnion. Don't get hoojed on the past, moving ahead the future is the direction where you most likely will find your happiness.

 

[Me-Hostage]

Well, the ex is gone, no more contact. However, the new guy is gone too. LOL... he took my heart in such a short time, but I couldn't deal with more lies from another man. He moved on quick, but still wants to be friends and wants me to hang out with him and his new guy? I think he's trying to rub it in my face? :\

 

[fatty]

Somebody once said that dying is easy but living is hard!
I empathize with you over your situation as now you are alone.
Maybe time might tell you that this was best for you even though you don't think so now.

You can look at it negatively or positively. As the saying goes, when one door closes another one opens. The only problem is that many of us only see the closed door and before we know it the open one closes also.

Now it is not for me to tell you what to do especially as I'm just after a bad breakup myself but maybe this could be an opportunity for you just to take it easy, have some fun, find out who you are and what you want? By all means date but is it really a good idea to jump into another relationship on the rebound just because you fear being on your own?

Maybe consider doing the following:
Go to the gym and work out a little - painful but helps the confidence
Buy some new clothes or create a new look
Hang out with friends, even date but don't rush into anything.

This should give you a chance to find your self worth again and to become more independent and make new friends and it also means that any decision you make regarding yourself can be a little more measured.

In a nutshell, keep your mind occupied with things that make you happy and stops you dwelling on the unhappy things. This way the heart will heal quicker and will make you a stronger and happier person as a result!
I appreciate only too well that this is sometimes easier said than done though!