I feel like giving up

[Butt Boi]

*Deleted*

 

[name_1]

There must be something keeping you from leaving him, I think. To me, (an outsider) the decision is pretty clear: disappear from his life. Since his "apologies" works, there must be some other consideration you have; if you cant get over those considerations, you'll just stay with him.

Get over him dude, it seems like a classic emotionally toxic relationship.

 

[name_1]

Where would you go then?

I think its good that you are standing up for your own happiness but remember to stay safe though! Is he the violent/stalkish type? lol...

 

[ihno]

Hello buttboy,

sorry for being blunt, but how do you know that you got HIV from him? Did you always have safe sex with other guys and never ever has unsafe sex?

And is it the same same guy with the "texting", girlfriend and domestic violence and making you brush your teeth with pissed toothbrush? Or is it another guy also with anger issues?

I also was in love with some "heterosexual" guy with "anger issues", who only could turn "gay", when he drunk and that's why he drank a lot. I somehow stumbled into the thing and didn't really understand till I got a black eye once. That was the second time, the first time was when I called him "Schlappschwanz" ("weakling") because he was incapable to admit his feelings for me. That he only could do at three at night on the phone. But it's not about me here... That second time I learned that violence issues won't get better, they get worse (you may know that). My ratio told me "stop" at that point, even though I loved him soo much. Yes, it was tough to let go and I had contact with him till my love finally died. His girlfriend got bashed up regularily as I've heard (or understood) later.

Anyway, I can only tell you: get out of there, even if you have to move back to your parents for a while. You won't save that relationship anway.

 

[bluefish22]

Hey Butt Boi, you're situation sounds very rough and I'm pained to hear the kind of treatment you've endured. I don't know all the facts so I can't comment with any real credibility though it sounds like distancing yourself from this guy is in your best interest. Judging from what you've written, I'm lead to believe he neither values you nor your relationship with him in the same way you do (if at all). It also doesn't sound as if his promises to change were followed through with any real effort (though even if they were I'd still find his inability (as opposed to his unwillingness) to provide the kind of love and respect you desire and deserve a deal-breaker.) If I were you I'd also look into some local and/or non-local support groups. They may have access to or knowledge of some very helpful resources.

 

[bigsal]

You did the right thing.
You have taken a courageous step and civil, warning other people from not repeating your tragic experience.

 

[yoyo888]

OMG this is a horror story.

I feel for you at the moment

 

[ihno]

Again I have the question: How do you know for sure that you have HIV from him and not from anybody else?

 

[tonka]

Stopping this guy was a really gutsy thing to do. You must have known that it would put you in the spotlight, but you did it anyway.
And what now? That's what's important for you. You did not do anything wrong. But you will be known as 'that guy". Do you want to work with that, or leave it behind?

 

[ihno]

I was only with one other man before him. That guy had a test before he was with me and after he was with me and both were clean. The only other men I was with after him was 4 other guys, all as far as I know have been tested now and as far as I know all are clean.

You think that people tell you the truth, when you ask them "Are you HIV+?"

And what about the time you were with him?

Sorry for being the spoil-sport here but that all sounds a little convenient, esp. when I read this post of yours, it's from half a year ago:

I jerk off 1-5 times a day... depending on how horny I am. Sex is sometimes every other day, unless my baby has finds a hook up then I can go every night without taking a break. Most was 4 fucks in one day. My baby had a hook up come over and do me, then he took his turn... later that night another one came over and did me, then he took his turn again. I could give this ass up 24/7... doesn't matter what they look like... just as long as they got a hard cock.

So I assume correctly that you never cared for safe sex, had a lot of it, got HIV and now use the police for revenge?

 

[topdog]

...So I assume correctly that you never cared for safe sex, had a lot of it, got HIV and now use the police for revenge?

You make good points, but isn't that conclusion a somewhat narrow (and a rather angry) interpretation of the facts?

I guess you are coming in so strong because you feel like responsibility aspect has not been emphasized enough in this conversation. That's fine, but beating up on sick people because they could have prevented the sickness doesn't accomplish anything. Because it occurs to me that every communicable disease could be prevented if one takes the right evasive measures in advance.

But once one is sick, I think that the only preventive measures that matter are the ones that will keep other people from becoming sick. (Which BB has made a top priority.) Other than that, a sick person's focus should be on treatment, getting better, and staying healthy.

I would focus the cause-effect argument on people who are HIV- where it will have a constructive impact, and save some compassion for people that are coming to terms with this huge health challenge.

Other opinions?

 

[tonka]

When you put your story out there in a very public way, it's going to be scrutinized. BB did that, and Ihno scrutinized. I think that's legit.
And the case could very well end up in court. BB's posts at gayheaven might be used in court. An attorney will go at it much harsher than Ihno.
Hint to BB: stop posting. Maybe get all your posts wiped out by an admin. Someone in your town probably knows that you post here.

I'd like to focus on the other guy. He was HIV+, lying about it, hooking up with hundreds of guys. Was he even on antivirals? Or did he have a huge viral load? (We don't know that).
I know the standard answer: protect yourself. Of course, great advise. But should it let this guy off the hook? Does he deserve the public shaming in this Missouri town? Does he deserve intervention by the law?
I haven't thought it completely through. But my quick answer is yes. He needed to be taken out, and BB did that.

 

[ihno]

Guys, believe me or not, it doesn't help, if HIV+ people are treated like sick people, who need compassion, consideration and protection. Having HIV doesn't mean people get mentally disabled. It's not Alzheimer.
And it also doesn't help, when guys on some internetforum agree and applaud to everything one writes because one might be "too sick" to accept opposition. Making it public, including law enforcement is nothing I could suggest or agree to. It fell back and now includes BB's own reallife-name too, so everybody can google his HIV status. So, sorry, if I don't say it was a wise decision. Yes, it's the easy thing to do on an internet-forum but it is not right. If some now think I'm narrow and angry, so be it.

I can understand if one feels rage and anger after getting a positive result and I sympathize with the urge to have someone, who can be punished.
But it's not that simple. It is not a thing where you can catch someone and make him the escape goat. I've worked in an AIDS Health Service for on about 10 years and I've seen several cases like that. Most often it included some naive woman, who had a secretly bisexual guy, who infected her. Revenge never helped. So I don't agree to running to the police or putting things in newspapers.

The thing here reflects the typical double-standard of the gay scene. Everybody ignores HIV, everybody wants to be perfect and would never go with someone, who is HIV+. No, they want to hear HIV-, so they can leave the condom away. If it later comes out that it was a lie, the liar is supposed to be burned at the stake, so everybody can continue the "no safe sex needed" game. He had sex with 300 people and "more than 300 people" got infected? So according to "local newspapers" not a single one of his sex partners requested safe sex?

Ever thought about the implications if people start to run to the police? What it means for HIV-prevention on the long run if law-enforcements gets involved, if HIV+ lie about their status? This will only lead to more secrecy and more infections.

 

[Blacky94]

The thing, His boyfriend endangered him and several others.
Willingly infecting someone with a deadly and incurable Disease is a severe crime in my country. And even if he did not, he took the risk just to have fun.
And attempted severe bodily harm is still a major crime (again here in Germany).
And while BB willingly had unprotected Intercourse, it was BECAUSE his boyfriend lied to him.

If BB would get all other potential victims to testify, the question is not if his Boyfriend will be found guilty, but rather how harsh his punishment will be.

And to add to that, I'm pretty sure there is a test to find out if BB has HIV from his boyfriend or at least from the same source.


Edit: And just because somebody somebody took the risk, does not mean that the one who transmitted HIV is innocent. Those people willingly destroy other peoples lives by lying to them, and they should be punished for it. Letting them go and have infect even more people
is no solution here, no matter how foolish the victim was

 

[ihno]

Since Germany came up, this is what the DAH, the German National AIDS-Health-Service says to the "let's involve the police" apporach.

http://anonym.to/http://www.focus.d...eil-gegen-no-angels-saengerin_aid_545666.html
http://anonym.to/http://www.pressep...ilfe-kritisiert-verhaftung-von-nadja-benaissa

Short summary:
Involving police and law-enforcement might have the following effects:
- It might lead to a false feeling of security, when people hand over the resposibility for their own life to the state and neglect protection.
- If people have to fear the involvement of the law-enforcement they just won't get tested any more. If you don't know about your status, you don't have to tell, right?
- It criminalizes people with HIV.

The longer I think about it, the more puzzling I find the naivity I read here.

A HIV test is not a measure of protection. And even if someone has received a negative result two months ago (and is not lying about that) it doesn't mean he's currently HIV negative. It always reflects some status of the past, never the present.

In the end it is everybody's own responsibilty to take care for his own well being. HIV protection is something that always includes two (or more) people. No sheet of paper and no verbal assurance can change that.

 

[Blacky94]

An HIV-Test in not protection, that is correct. It doesn't change the fact that somebody infected others with a deadly, incurable Disease.

And, while I agree that People shouldn't hand over responsibility for their own well-being, It doesn't change the fact that somebody who knows he is HIV+
and still has unprotected sexual intercourse with other that he is potentially lying to about his status, is major crime.

People who have HIV are not bad or anything, but the moment they endanger others by withholding such important facts, they should be punished.(In my Opinion)

If you tell somebody about your status and that person is still willing to have unprotected intercourse, with you that person has no right to complain.
But for BB that wasn't the case.

And why should anybody show compassion for people who ruin others lives just because they don't want to use condoms?

Such cases need to be handled carefully and investigated thoroughly.
Yeah, in many cases an HIV-Infection could have been prevented, if the "victim" would have been more careful, but letting people go who just continue to infect others is no solution. In the end those people can go around infect everybody they know, and won't have to answer for it just because the victims weren't careful enough? I call bullshit on that.

You say people shouldn't show unnecessary compassion for HIV victims, but at the same time you do the same for the culprits.(Who have also HIV, mind you)

This is not a simple matter, that much I know, but not doing anything won't solve anything, if anything it just encourages such behavior.

 

[Sinnerr]

I must agree with Ihno here.
Your health = your responsibility.

 

[ihno]

And, while I agree that People shouldn't hand over responsibility for their own well-being, It doesn't change the fact that somebody who knows he is HIV+
and still has unprotected sexual intercourse with other that he is potentially lying to about his status, is major crime.

If it's a "major crime" or not is not my interest. HIV is a huge scale sociological problem, not a matter for judges.

You just cannot fight infections and epidemics with the police. You will have a backslash and that'll make things even worse in the long run.

Rosa von Praunheim joked in the early days of HIV that gays in Berlin would take their negative test result, put it in a frame, hang it above their bed and then have a "magna Charter" for unprotected sex. That does not work.

If people would generally use protection it would not matter if somebody lies or not.

But I begin to repeat myself here.

You say people shouldn't show unnecessary compassion for HIV victims, but at the same time you do the same for the culprits.

No, I don't. I'm stating sociological facts, on which the DAH/German AIDS Health Service is built upon - and built with a reason.

P.S.: Be assured that my compassion is more with BB here. Love makes you blind and makes you do stupid things. On a personal level I can fully understand that.

 

[ihno]

Well, I would try to contact the newspaper that had your name in an article on their website and ask them to take it out.

I've read that you've been togehter with him till June. Beware that it can take up to three months before you can get a proper result with the common test methods (some methods produce false negative results). So if they didn't use expensive fast test methods, the result may not be valid yet.

 

[CUBBYJR1]

Actually, the people involved have been tested. None of them have it, and I have used condoms before. He just preferred not to because he was clean and had tests done to prove it, so he said. I had no reason not to believe him. I don't expect people, someone who wants to be in a relationship to lie about something like that. And the fact he told me that night he kept it from me and everyone else on purpose was too much. One could say I did this for revenge, even though I didn't. I did the right thing. The police already know about multiple partners between us. I have nothing to hide. It's been out in the public since Monday.

you really need to leave him and what he is doing is unsafe even if he claims he clean majority of people still use a condom weather they are clean or not.If he purposely infecting people you need to call the police on him.