i have a straight friend

[cute-zozo]

hello guys
i have something to share with you, and i really need your help.
i have a friend, in fact he is a best friend.
he loves me as a best friend and i love him, but i don't love him as a friend.. i love him as a boyfriend.
we spend a lot of time together and we enjoy every moment with each other and we share a lot of good memories together.
we buy everything together, we do everything together, even we sleep in each other houses sometimes. " as best friends ".
its just i want him to be my boyfriend.
i have something inside me says that he is gay, but he didn't do anything in front of me to make me suspect of this, its just a strong feeling.
last night he told me that he is in love with a girl and they are planning to make their engagement when there families accept .
that was the hardest moment in my life.
i know he might be straight, in fact he maybe 100% straight, but its just i feel bad.
from the way we look to each others body and we love to stay half naked in front of each other when we are alone.
we even change our clothes together, and we don't do it if there is a stranger in the room.
it maybe appears to you that we are close friends, but i swear i love him as a boyfriend not as a friend.
i had a crash on him for years and years.
he doesn't know that i am gay, i cant say it here in my country, however i really feel bad.
i had a lot of boyfriends in my life, but i always broke up with them because i know that i don't love them, i only have one love in my life.
i tried before to make a fake account and talk to him, yet it didn't worked out.
i am literally count kill myself if i saw him get married.
i need your help.
i cant tell him that i love him neither could tell him that i am gay.
i really can't sleep.
please guys help me or stop thinking, i can't imagine that he is sleeping with a girl.
that would be the hardest moment in my entire life.
i wont bare it.
i could really kill myself

 

[topdog]

I know the sharp pain of being in love with your best friend and seeing them date and then marry a woman who probably isn't half as devoted to them as I would be.

But to give this some perspective - it isn't really that different than any other situation where one person falls in love and the other doesn't. This happens all the time and most people know what that is like. Two people sharing the same feelings toward each other at the same time is the exception, not the rule.

But I don't think that this is the real heart of your dilemma. Your problem is that you want to find love, but you can't or won't tell anyone else that you are gay. You have boxed yourself in to a position that isn't going to get you what you want. You can't kiss a lover until you are able to reveal that you are in love with them. That is a line of self-disclosure that you must cross to find love.

Now, back to this specific friend. This is your best friend who loves you - at least as a friend. You cannot tell him that you are gay? If you cannot tell him - then who can you tell? Forget taking him as a lover - just to maintain your current friendship, shouldn't he know that about you? I think that this is your first step towards being able to accept who you are and letting others love and accept you. You have to be willing to open these doors and let other people in.

I am not saying go out and do that right now - but I think that needs to be your first goal. Find a way to tell him so this secret isn't separating you.

Now I don't know where you live and what the external pressure is. Will the Secret Police break down the door to your house and drag you in to the street? Will your family hunt you down and kill you? These are possibilities in some places, and your safety is the first priority.

But even in these places, men and women are able to talk to their closest friends and tell their secrets. It's what keeps people sane when they can't publicly be open about who they love.

Please find a way to open the door just a crack with someone who loves you and you want to show that you trust them. If not this friend, (and I admit the sexual complications in your mind may make it difficult with this particular man), then find someone else to talk to.

Your enemy is isolation. Isolation is the goal of any abusive parent or husband. It is also the tool of a homophobic society to keep gay people in line - make them feel like they are alone and can talk to no one. Isolation will slowly kill you. Strike back! Break the glass, defy the haters, rebel, clear a path for the LGBT children that will come after you. Tell at least one person, and give them the chance to continue the rebellion by accepting you and telling you that you are loved.

 

[Shelter]

And again I want to say that no one here better than Topdog can talk about this special situation. Cute-Zozo read his text word by word and follow his well-meaning advice.
I don't know if you will find your personal felicity with this special guy (for me it sounds not so good - but who knows it???!!!) but I wish you from deep of the bottom of my heart that you will find too your second half! Good luck for you! And --- be proud of yourself!

 

[gorgik9]

And again I want to say that no one here better than Topdog can talk about this special situation. Cute-Zozo read his text word by word and follow his well-meaning advice.
I don't know if you will find your personal felicity with this special guy (for me it sounds not so good - but who knows it???!!!) but I wish you from deep of the bottom of my heart that you will find too your second half! Good luck for you! And --- be proud of yourself!

I can only agree with Shelter and say to Cute-Zozo that there is so much wisdom, experience and acute psychlogy in topdog's post: read it carefully, think about it!

And then listen to one of the best rock songs of the 1970s - Nazareth "Love Hurts". It does...

 

[Otage]

He is your bestfriend, and you seem to get alon very well. That is something you should appreciate. I agree with topdog 100%.

I've had crush on friends, and it sounds familiar when you said that you have strong feeling he could be gay, even thought nothing really suggests it. Well, the strong feeling brolly is your desire. I got over at having crush on my friend, and we are still friends. It wasn't easy, but definetly the right thing to do. Now I have my friends, and I also have a boyfriend who I love.

And what topdog said about isolation, it brolly adds up to why you focus so much on your friend. You want love, and he seems like the best target. You should try to be happy about the fact, that he has found some nice girl he wants to settle down with. I mean a friend would enjoy his friends happiness. His happiness isn't any personal attack on you, I think he would like you to still be in his life, as friend. And that's a good thing, not bad

And don't talk about killing yourself, it is never the answer. People learn to live with loosing their children, with horrible diseases etc. There is always good days ahead, things to do, interests to find. Hardships and heartbreaks are part of life as is the joy, the dullnes of somedays, or the brief moments on unwordly beauty.

Your friend has maybe found love, enjoy with him. And stop torturing yourself by fixating all your hope of love on him, it seems like a dead end. Best way for you to not finding love is to stop searching for it. It may find you, but the odds are lesser. And I know heartaches are very overwhelming, but try working out your feelings, and don't forget to take a break, do something that you enjoy Everything is process, and usually doesn't get ready over night.

 

[topdog]

...And what topdog said about isolation, it brolly adds up to why you focus so much on your friend. You want love, and he seems like the best target. ..

That is a good insight. When you are totally in the closet and can't tell anyone that you are gay then the only guys you meet are straight. So, naturally, that's who you develop a crush on. The available gay guys avoid you - they think you are straight.

 

[XenoClocke]

Be honest with him about your feelings. If he's truly your friend, he'll understand and accept them for who you are and what your feelings are. Who knows, he may be having the same thoughts as you but is afraid to make the first move.

 

[brmstn69]

Be honest with him about your feelings. If he's truly your friend, he'll understand and accept them for who you are and what your feelings are. Who knows, he may be having the same thoughts as you but is afraid to make the first move.

He lives in Egypt, admitting he's gay could get him thrown in prison... Or worse...

 

[cute-zozo]

He lives in Egypt, admitting he's gay could get him thrown in prison... Or worse...

that is true
i live in Egypt..
i can't tell anyone that i am gay, no one will understand this.
not all the people here are open minded.
in fact 0,1% of people here are open minded.
however..
i cant isolation is a fact here in Egypt, i cant get out of the box.
no gay person in Egypt can tell even his close friend about who he are, i could lose him forever.
i think that being a best friend is better than nothing.
i will have to chose to be his best friend better than never.
if you ever seen a gay man in Egypt came out, well then make sure that he have a very bad problems with the police.
god i wish i was never born here.
thanks guys for your support.
it really helped me out.
:cheers:

 

[cute-zozo]

He is your bestfriend, and you seem to get alon very well. That is something you should appreciate. I agree with topdog 100%.

I've had crush on friends, and it sounds familiar when you said that you have strong feeling he could be gay, even thought nothing really suggests it. Well, the strong feeling brolly is your desire. I got over at having crush on my friend, and we are still friends. It wasn't easy, but definetly the right thing to do. Now I have my friends, and I also have a boyfriend who I love.

And what topdog said about isolation, it brolly adds up to why you focus so much on your friend. You want love, and he seems like the best target. You should try to be happy about the fact, that he has found some nice girl he wants to settle down with. I mean a friend would enjoy his friends happiness. His happiness isn't any personal attack on you, I think he would like you to still be in his life, as friend. And that's a good thing, not bad

And don't talk about killing yourself, it is never the answer. People learn to live with loosing their children, with horrible diseases etc. There is always good days ahead, things to do, interests to find. Hardships and heartbreaks are part of life as is the joy, the dullnes of somedays, or the brief moments on unwordly beauty.

Your friend has maybe found love, enjoy with him. And stop torturing yourself by fixating all your hope of love on him, it seems like a dead end. Best way for you to not finding love is to stop searching for it. It may find you, but the odds are lesser. And I know heartaches are very overwhelming, but try working out your feelings, and don't forget to take a break, do something that you enjoy Everything is process, and usually doesn't get ready over night.

well..
i had so many gay boyfriend who i met on grinder.
but i didn't fall in love with them, i am sure about my feelings towards him.
let me tell you that being a gay in Arabian country is like a rat who lives in a hole, no one came take the risk of came out.
consequences is very hard, you may lose your best friends, your family, you may even lose your soul.
no one can take that risk.
i cant take that risk.
so i decided that having him as a friend is better than losing him forever.
i wish him all the best in his life, all i care about is seeing him happy in his life.
thanks for supporting me.
your words made a different.
appreciate every single word.
:cheers:

 

[cute-zozo]

Be honest with him about your feelings. If he's truly your friend, he'll understand and accept them for who you are and what your feelings are. Who knows, he may be having the same thoughts as you but is afraid to make the first move.

i can't take that risk.
honesty have a bad consequences
appreciate it buddy.
:cheers:

 

[cute-zozo]

I know the sharp pain of being in love with your best friend and seeing them date and then marry a woman who probably isn't half as devoted to them as I would be.

But to give this some perspective - it isn't really that different than any other situation where one person falls in love and the other doesn't. This happens all the time and most people know what that is like. Two people sharing the same feelings toward each other at the same time is the exception, not the rule.

But I don't think that this is the real heart of your dilemma. Your problem is that you want to find love, but you can't or won't tell anyone else that you are gay. You have boxed yourself in to a position that isn't going to get you what you want. You can't kiss a lover until you are able to reveal that you are in love with them. That is a line of self-disclosure that you must cross to find love.

Now, back to this specific friend. This is your best friend who loves you - at least as a friend. You cannot tell him that you are gay? If you cannot tell him - then who can you tell? Forget taking him as a lover - just to maintain your current friendship, shouldn't he know that about you? I think that this is your first step towards being able to accept who you are and letting others love and accept you. You have to be willing to open these doors and let other people in.

I am not saying go out and do that right now - but I think that needs to be your first goal. Find a way to tell him so this secret isn't separating you.

Now I don't know where you live and what the external pressure is. Will the Secret Police break down the door to your house and drag you in to the street? Will your family hunt you down and kill you? These are possibilities in some places, and your safety is the first priority.

But even in these places, men and women are able to talk to their closest friends and tell their secrets. It's what keeps people sane when they can't publicly be open about who they love.

Please find a way to open the door just a crack with someone who loves you and you want to show that you trust them. If not this friend, (and I admit the sexual complications in your mind may make it difficult with this particular man), then find someone else to talk to.

Your enemy is isolation. Isolation is the goal of any abusive parent or husband. It is also the tool of a homophobic society to keep gay people in line - make them feel like they are alone and can talk to no one. Isolation will slowly kill you. Strike back! Break the glass, defy the haters, rebel, clear a path for the LGBT children that will come after you. Tell at least one person, and give them the chance to continue the rebellion by accepting you and telling you that you are loved.

i agree
my enemy is isolation.
yet i have to consider isolation as a friend - best friend- because that is the price will pay if you are living in Arabian country.
you know what.. if you have citizenship for non-Arabian country, you may do what you want, but if you are Arabian
thanks for each and every word..
you said the truth " Enemy is isolation"
that is a FACT.