I'm out and concerned. Help please

[laracroft17]

Hello everyone. I came here to ask a few important questions that have been concerning me, and I thought maybe here I'll find some good answers. I am doing my own research using Google on these questions, but I really want to hear other people's opinions on it too.

I recently came out (I'm 21), maybe like two to three weeks ago. I had been a virgin all my life so I'm pretty inexperienced and I'd hate to have to learn from my mistakes when it's too late. So straight to the point these are the questions I'm hopping you guys can advice me on:

1- How common is HIV among the gay community? I keep hearing terrible things about the numbers and it really concerns me. I've been told that among straight people they are at less risk of catching it than gays.

2- So, you can probably tell I watch porn since I'm in this site. I always see that in most porn the actors wear condoms, and whenever they don't there's usually a warning saying how you should practice safe sex unlike the video. My question is, does wearing a condom actually prevent HIV virtually 100%, or it just makes it less likely you'll catch it? I hear the virus is small enough to go through the condom's wall and get it.

3- Do sexual acts such as oral sex put you at risk of getting HIV? And in the even the person ejaculates?

4- I know I'll probably have to find out this locally (I live in California), but I ask just in case. How easy is it to get tested, and how trustworthy do the results tend to be?

5- Is there any other STD that is common that I should really watch out for?

Again, I'm doing my own research, but I really appreciate whoever takes the time to help me here. I might be 21 but I swear I'm super inexperienced and I really don't want to make a huge mistake and regret it my whole life. So thank you in advance for your input.

 

[down_the_street]

You ask good questions. Some thoughts:

1. HIV infection rates vary by location. The best data comes from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which maintains stats as of 2009: http://anonym.to/?http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm

2. Condom use, within the limits set by the condom manufacturer, is effective at preventing the spread of HIV (see: http://anonym.to/?http://www.cdc.gov/condomeffectiveness/latex.htm). Condoms aren't foolproof, however; old/damaged condoms, or ones that have been re-used, present a higher failure risk. Risk also increases with the type of sexual activity (e.g., a massively hung guy with a penis piercing like a P.A. going to town on a tiny twink is riskier in terms of condom integrity than, say, a dude with a five-incher penetrating after having fisted his partner).

3. There is risk of HIV transmission from oral sex brought to completion. HIV is present in semen; although you have a miniscule chance of contracting HIV from consuming infected semen, you chance goes up to non-trivial levels if you have any cut in your mouth (even bleeding gums) that presents a clear path for the virus to enter the bloodstream.

4. Getting tested is super-easy and free in many communities. Get tested frequently and be proud about it -- keeping track isn't something you should be ashamed of. (See: http://anonym.to/?http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/msm/index.htm for info about HIV infection rates in gay/bi men who don't get tested).

5. Watch out for HPV, syphillis, etc. If you contract any STD, you need to know and to take care of it.

Most of all --

Congratulations on coming out and beginning to explore your sexuality. You are a young 'un, but never forget that you're a valuable human person who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Never let anyone take advantage of you sexually or exploit your inexperience! Have fun, play safe, and respect yourself!

 

[topdog]

Welcome! AIDS is something to take very seriously, but we know so much about what works and doesn't work in prevention, that you can have great sex without worrying that you will catch a chronic and potentially deadly disease.

First, let me add an "Amen!" to everything down_the_street posted.

Condoms are as effective in preventing HIV transmission as they are in preventing pregnancy - which is 99% effective when used properly. Yet people still ignore that advice because HIV infection continues to climb. I live in a major US east coast city where the infection rate is nearly 20%. And I don't mean 20% of gay men, I mean 20% of EVERYBODY. So you can imagine what the percentage must be in the gay community.

I'm not going to go into any more details on prevention because I am 100% behind your idea of doing your own research and education. So, instead, Ill pass on some resources to help you on your way.

HISTORY
It's good to get some perspective on where we are with AIDS and what we know and don't know. There are a lot of off-the-wall conspiracy theories and such out on the Internet, so here is some background.

After 30 years, the AIDS war still rages - LA Times 6/5/2011 - a really good short article that gives you the arc of the AIDS epidemic, and where we are now.

Kaiser Family Foundation: The Global HIV/AIDS Timeline - An interesting chronology of AIDS where you can click on any section and get more details.

Longtime Companion (1989) - One of the first films to bring the AIDS crises to a world-wide audience. It follows a group of friends beginning on June 5, 1981 - the day the first story appeared in the NY Times about gay men getting sick.

And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic, 20th-Anniversary Edition, by Randy Shilts - Although this was written over 20 years ago, it is still the most complete and gripping telling of the spread of AIDS, and the shocking non-response from every level of government and social services. At the same time it chronicles gay men and lesbians creating their own network of health, education, and support services. (Many of them listed below are still serving the community today.)

RESOURCES
For everyone reading this, the Wikipedia page on List of LGBT-related organizations is a great link to gay and lesbian local resources all over the world.

But since you live in California (and I lived there during the 1980's), here are some places where you can call or walk in and talk to people about gay health issues, testing, prevention, and anything else that comes up. (And lots of opportunities to volunteer and get to know your local community.) These are some of the oldest and most well-known LGBT orgainzations in the US.

Starting in the south and moving up the coast...

San Diego
The San Diego LGBT Center

Orange County
AIDS Services Foundation Orange County
The LGBT Center Orange County
Shanti Orange County

Los Angeles
AIDS Project Los Angeles
L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center

San Francisco
San Francisco AIDS Foundation
San Francisco LGBT Community Center
STOP AIDS Project

 

[Urban]

Hey laracroft17, I just want you to know that (IMO anyway) the reason for the lack of responses to your questions is that a lot of us feel incompetent to answer them properly. It's not because we don't care about you or AIDS.

I also want to thank down_the_street & topdog for providing intelligent & well-researched information to you.

When I read your post the first time, TBH I felt completely inadequate to offer any advice. One reason is that I've had a partner & been out of the dating pool for 30 years, since just about the time AIDS was first being noticed, so I would never be able to provide up-to-date info.

If you are offered any advice from a more personal perspective than the 2 guys above, please remember to take it with a grain of salt; gay men are about as knowledgeable about AIDS as the general public is about the flu: we think we know what we know, maybe we do & maybe we don't. Don't accept what someone tells you from a personal POV unless you can check it independently.

One last thing: if you are ever in doubt, act on the safe side.

 

[laracroft17]

Hey laracroft17, I just want you to know that (IMO anyway) the reason for the lack of responses to your questions is that a lot of us feel incompetent to answer them properly. It's not because we don't care about you or AIDS.

I also want to thank down_the_street & topdog for providing intelligent & well-researched information to you.

When I read your post the first time, TBH I felt completely inadequate to offer any advice. One reason is that I've had a partner & been out of the dating pool for 30 years, since just about the time AIDS was first being noticed, so I would never be able to provide up-to-date info.

If you are offered any advice from a more personal perspective than the 2 guys above, please remember to take it with a grain of salt; gay men are about as knowledgeable about AIDS as the general public is about the flu: we think we know what we know, maybe we do & maybe we don't. Don't accept what someone tells you from a personal POV unless you can check it independently.

One last thing: if you are ever in doubt, act on the safe side.

Thanks.

And ya, I actually wasn't expecting that many people to answer. However, the answers I've got back so far are actually very informative and I really appreciate the time they took to type them out!!
I figured I would ask here because maybe there's people who have dated before and have had sexual relations (as I said in my OP I just came out and this is a new world for me), and they would share how they approach it on their own lives and how that has worked out for them.

Again, thank you guys for taking the time to give me advice, you're a great help.

 

[Sinnerr]

Ok, there are my answers:
1. Don't know, but it doesn't matter. Use it ever. Exceptions doesn't exist. I would say fucking without condom is like riding in car without safe belts. Danger is growing up with quantum. But It doesn't matter. Comparing gays and straights is also irrelevant. Evereyone who wants to stay health for 100% just has to be careful about himself (herself). Simply Your health = Your responsibility. It's universal advice for everbody doesn't matter if gay or straight.
2. Condom is most safe and only one protect from veneral dissiases. But nothing is 100%. Use your brain. Use also lot of lube (which is compatible with condom). And if you like long time fucking so change condom every 20 minutes. I never did fistig but I read that for it you must use some lube based on fat so no compatible with condom. So fuck after fist is very riskant it's like fuck without condom ...
3. Yes, but much less than anal fuck cos HIV virus is transmitted by sperm and blood (and vaginal secretions - It does not concern you ) Danger is higher if sucking guy has bloody injury in mouth. Personally I don't use condom for oral sex.
4. I live in Europe so absolutely don't know.
5. There are another disiases which are serious too. Syphilis, gonorrhea and few others.
What is good - These are not fatal and signs of them are visible quite early after infection. What isn't good - These can be transmitted by spit too.
So I would say "first talk next fuck". If I talk or chat with any guy and He tells (or if it's clear) that He goes to bed with everybody who wants so He is not good enought for me.

 

[lhardwick69]

west virginia is really low in hiv infected guys