Is it realistic to be a househusband?

[rebornme40]

My friend is a 45 year old caucasian and financially stable. His boyfriend is a 20 year old miiddle class asian student. They are getting married soon. My asian friend was asked to be the househusband. do you think it is realistic and a good thing to do?

 

[brmstn69]

This seems like a logical extension of the traditional "houseboy" role, where an older male or couple supports a younger male in exchange for household chores and companionship...

I would however recommend that your friend continue his education and get some other job skills. It would help keep him from being dependent on his hubby for support and give him something to fall back on in case the marriage fails...

 

[jer468]

There are people whose only aim in life is to make somebody else happy. These people tend to be very needy and need a lot of affirmation. Most women would be horrified to hear that there are still people who have no further aspirations in life than to take care of a man. Personally I couldn't imagine finding this to be a worthy mission in my life either but millions of others have ... some because they have no ambition (other than staying at home), others because they find a home life (esp. children) gratifying enough, others because they are naturally nurturers and if they worked would be in nurturing positions (i.e. teachers, nurses etc.) . There are others too who just can't cope with pressure so getting the ironing done is just about all that they can handle in a day without therapy.

Personally, I can't imagine that a 20 year old who just wants to stay home would be very interesting, but as a rule of thumb, a 45 year old marrying a 20 year old is probably not looking for brains. He's likely looking for self-affirmation.

But I've seen lots of these relationships ... straight and gay ... so it's not unique. It's just not a relationship that I would find interesting.

 

[ritsuka]

I don't see that there's any problem in it--it used to be very common that one person could work and make enough to support several others. And 20 year old's have great minds, are intelligent, interesting and well-articulated.

Nilstreet has a point--he might not want to do absolutely nothing. Finishing his degree is a good idea, and then he could also pursue some artistic pursuit, join a political organization, or do things that could be described on a resume as being a 'personal assistant' if need be while also taking care of the home.

 

[jw4833]

My first bf was 17 years older than me although he didn't look his age at all. I was barely 21 when we got together and I had a whole future of opportunities in front of me. However, when we became a couple, he didn't want me working..he asked me to quit my job and to be a househusband due to the fact that he was very well known within the entertainment industry and he was very paranoid about being outed by anyone. After being outcasted because of my sexual orientation from my family, this guy became my parent figure and I was at a very vulnerable state of mind. I became this househusband for the first two years that we were together. He was in heaven knowing that I was at home all day...and the house was clean and dinner was prepared whenever he arrived home. Or primarily the fact of knowing that I would be waiting in bed for him when he did arrived. We were very rarely seen together or out in public for that matter. I was not allowed to see my friends at all. As I mentioned earlier, I had many opportunities coming my way and although I gave in to his request, only to make him happy..deep down inside, I was not. I am a MAN..not a House MAn or husband for that matter..Therefore, I broke away..and decided to move out and get my life back which I did the next day after I moved out..I was offered a job with a top Fortune 500 company. We stayed together for an additional two years, but not without drama from his part. He would have people follow me to work and they would wait for me when I got off and take me to a designated location to meet with him. He also became more paranoid and insecure of me being around other professional men believing that my interest may target towards one of them. To make a long story short, no..this doesn't work out, not if you are a man with integrity, dignity and goals. There will come a point when you will desire to have your own and make your own mark in the world.

 

[rebornme40]

My first bf was 17 years older than me although he didn't look his age at all. I was barely 21 when we got together and I had a whole future of opportunities in front of me. However, when we became a couple, he didn't want me working..he asked me to quit my job and to be a househusband due to the fact that he was very well known within the entertainment industry and he was very paranoid about being outed by anyone. After being outcasted because of my sexual orientation from my family, this guy became my parent figure and I was at a very vulnerable state of mind. I became this househusband for the first two years that we were together. He was in heaven knowing that I was at home all day...and the house was clean and dinner was prepared whenever he arrived home. Or primarily the fact of knowing that I would be waiting in bed for him when he did arrived. We were very rarely seen together or out in public for that matter. I was not allowed to see my friends at all. As I mentioned earlier, I had many opportunities coming my way and although I gave in to his request, only to make him happy..deep down inside, I was not. I am a MAN..not a House MAn or husband for that matter..Therefore, I broke away..and decided to move out and get my life back which I did the next day after I moved out..I was offered a job with a top Fortune 500 company. We stayed together for an additional two years, but not without drama from his part. He would have people follow me to work and they would wait for me when I got off and take me to a designated location to meet with him. He also became more paranoid and insecure of me being around other professional men believing that my interest may target towards one of them. To make a long story short, no..this doesn't work out, not if you are a man with integrity, dignity and goals. There will come a point when you will desire to have your own and make your own mark in the world.

Your story is interesting. I thought that kind of drama from your bf could only happen in movies and soap operas

 

[gramison]

It's certainly a workable situation. In fact, this actually was the arrangement my parents had. My mother (a doctor) worked during the day, while my father took care of getting us to school, cooking, etc. My parents though were older when my brother and I were born and were more settled.

At the younger one's age, I would advise him to finish his studies (at least a bachelor's degree) so that he has some means of supporting himself should things not go well in the end.

 

[jer468]

It's certainly a workable situation. In fact, this actually was the arrangement my parents had. My mother (a doctor) worked during the day, while my father took care of getting us to school, cooking, etc. My parents though were older when my brother and I were born and were more settled.

Yes but was there a big age difference between your parents? That seems to be the distinction between your post and all of the others. What is being discussed in this thread is more like a "house son" rather than a "house husband" ...

 

[jw4833]

Your story is interesting. I thought that kind of drama from your bf could only happen in movies and soap operas

LOL..actually, a lot of my life has been like a soap opera..and a lot of soap operas sort of deals off of real life situations...