Job and Family

[Shelter]

Hi guys I urgently need your honest advice. Perhaps this will be a dumb question (as my boyfriend says).

So here it is: my younger brother (26) has asked me to give him a job in my little business. But I'm hesitant. My boyfriend says I'm unfair and an idiot. Am I?
I think and believe family is family and job is job. At home I'm a 100% and loving bottom to my BF. But in my office I'm a totally other person - there is business. And will I be able to be the boss (and I mean really the boss) of my younger brother. Wouldn't that be a conflict? May I be the same to him as to my other staff?

I must come to an decision - please help me with your knowledge. I want to do the right thing - but in the moment I don't know the right thing.

Thank you to all who are willing to help. p

 

[Otage]

If hi's up for the job, qualified, and you think he can handle the job, just like every other applicant, then why not. If you don't need or are not sure, that do you need more staff (or can you afford it), then it may cause extra stress and conflict.

At work you are boss, and at free time a brother. If everything matches, his qualifications and you bussinesses needs, it would be wonderfull + you would be helping your bro.

 

[slimjim]

Well it of course depends a heck of a lot on your relationship with your bro. As you only have 6 employees is there much scope to send your bro to work under the supervision of another member of staff ? If no then you and he will be working close together most of the day? and if so is this likely to cause friction? I guess you will be happy to give him instructions and duties to perform... but will he be happy to take orders from his brother?

Maybe best to discuss together before you start and get the "ground-rules" well spelt out. Tell him there will be no special treatment just 'cos he's family and it might be a good idea to start with a trial period of a set length - say 2 or 4 weeks to see how things go before deciding on anything more long term.

I worked in one place a couple of yrs ago and the bosses son came to work there during the summer colleges holiday. He was assigned to my team and the boss told me " Just because he is my son he gets no special privileges, quite the reverse in fact he needs to perform better than everyone else so if he screws up give him hell"

 

[yoyo888]

I would say defiantly NOT. It is best to keep family and business totally separate.

What would happen if you had to let him go, and you fell out big time at work. That would affect your personal relationship with him and the rest of the family with people taking sides.

Just my 2 cents worth

YOYO

 

[Otage]

I would say defiantly NOT. It is best to keep family and business totally separate.

What would happen if you had to let him go, and you fell out big time at work. That would affect your personal relationship with him and the rest of the family with people taking sides.

Just my 2 cents worth

YOYO

I think that depends completely of the people. I mean, my brother would understand if I would have to left him go if there weren't any more work due to markets etc. If you need employee and have work, and your bro qualifies, then I see no broplem if his sensible person. Just don't take him just out of charity or if you can't afford it. Nothing insults one more than just hiring him to be bored out of misericordia.

 

[jw4833]

For me personally...I would not hire a sibling due to the fact that they would assume to have special privileges and will tend to take advantage of the situation because of the relationship. I recall working for a CPA firm and I had a very good relationship with one of the corporate lawyers at the firm whom was very well recognized for her accomplishments. One of my older female siblings would pay me "surprise" visits without my knowledge and would ask me to take her to lunch. She was working a temporary position at a company nearby. Now...my sibling is very well qualified and very smart...however...she is very beautiful and has modeled a lot in her lifetime but tends to think that because of all the attention she gets that she can get away with murder and not put much effort in anything she conquers in regard to career opportunities.

Nonetheless...my corporate lawyer friend got to meet her one day in the lobby area while she waited for me to take her to lunch. When I came out in the lobby..the corporate lawyer was in a conversation with my sister and she made a point to pay my sister compliments as well as telling her how much she loves me and how I am a welcome addition to the company, etc.

Later on...the lawyer revealed to me that she had a position opening in her department and was considering hiring my sister for that position. She wanted to know what I thought of this and I immediately responded with do not do it. Afterwards, I went into explaining my reasons for saying this and nonetheless...although she understood ....she still wanted to take a chance on her. Needless to say...things turn out just the way I had warned the lawyer. However, because she was warned...it did not cause friction within our friendship so to speak.

With all that being said...I have to agree with SlimJim...in regards to if you are contemplating doing so then perhaps it would be ideal to sit down with him before hand and have a thorough conversation with him explaining your position, what you expect as well as ground rules and regulations and then take it from there. Good luck with your decision and I wish you the best with whatever you decide....JW

 

[Shelter]

Well I'll tending to the answers of Yoyo and RocknLol. My BF says Otage has the correct answer for me. I'll being on the fence! Perhaps I'll take the middle way and that is the really good advice of Slimjim. Perhaps for a probation period but not with me, but with one of my employees. I know he will be good and he needs the job because he just lost his job in a bank because of economies. He is good but he would be a lateral recruit. And many things he has new to learn.

I must to sleep over this problem. And believe me for me it is a problem. I love my brother, he always was on my side. And we have a very good relationship. My BF likes him very much! And I don't want to gamble with it. Because that is what I've said in the beginning: family is family and job is job.

I'll try to come to a decision until this weekend. My goodness - some things really can be hard (and I don't mean that "thing" in the trousers - )! Sorry that wasn't appropriate!

But many many thanks for your good and nice answers. I can see you have botherd yourself about this problem! You are really good friends - thank you all.

 

[cacc]

That's a tough one. Yeah it's your brother and of course you love him and don't want him to be unemployed, but there's absolutely a conflict of interests there and hiring him could severely impact both your personal relationship with your family and the business you're trying to run. I had a situation where I wouldn't use my influence at work to get my stepbrother a job because I don't think he's up to the task and I'm not willing to vouch for him and hurt my own standing when he doesn't live up to expectations. Saying no is incredibly hard and could also effect your relationship but I think that would be the best decision in that situation.

 

[W!nston]

I agree with your judgment. Don't involve your brother with the job you have worked hard to achieve. It will create tension and affect your ability to perform.

Try to find him a job within the company in a different department if you feel you must help him. Do not jeopardize your job.

 

[havocs]

As boss your obligation is to your business and your employees, how does he benefit them? What does he have to offer other than having the same parents (which wasnt either of your doing)? Have a talk with him and if he acts up one sec then tell him no. As boss you he will have to respect your authority and if he cant even respect your decision to hire him then he wont respect your decisions at work. He needs you, not the other way around. You could also employee him on a temp basis and help him look for another job. If he turns out to be great then keep him, if not thankfully he was still looking and hopefully he would have found something else.

 

[gb2000ie]

My advice would be to be VERY careful about mixing up family and work.

No matter how fair you are, people will grumble that your brother is treated better than they are. You could treat him worse in an attempt to avoid that perception, and it wouldn't help one bit - he will always be seen as being given special treatment.

My brother worked for a company my Dad part-owned, and he said it was hell - the assumption was always that he was only there because of who he was. It drove him nuts.

B.

 

[brmstn69]

Is it the type of business that can benefit from the image of being a "Family Business"

Sometimes the "family tradition of service" is a great image booster for a company...

 

[gb2000ie]

Is it the type of business that can benefit from the image of being a "Family Business"

Sometimes the "family tradition of service" is a great image booster for a company...

Oh - great point - I hadn't though of it that way around!

Are you sure one of your many careers was not in PR?

B.

 

[name_1]

I find it peculiar that no one has championed the idea of 'family first', but constantly 'business first'.

I agree with the views expressed earlier by others, but perhaps, we should entertain the thought of putting relationships as the priority; the company can be rebuilt, but a brother lost might be for all eternity.

 

[Shelter]

Once more: I'm not the owner of a million Euro company with some thousand employees. -
I've got my qualification in a big property management. In the age of 25 I founded my own little property management. Some of my old clients followed me. In the meantime I'm managing for the owners a stock of 1.800 living quarters. I'm searching the tenants, if something is going wrong I'll instruct the responsible craftsmen, I'll have to do the annual settlements and, yes too, from time to time I have to go with a tenant to law.

In the beginning I've done all these work alone. But very soon it was too much for me. So I rented an office and got my first employees. In the meantime we are 7 (me and 6 employees). Now my employees are doing the daily work and I'm working to find more clients which means more living quarters. My most important employee is my bookkeeping clerk. He is really very good and a very great help now in the tax inspection which I have had this week (it's over today - without deficiencies!!!)

So this was a very long preface. And you can see this is not a "family business". And Name_1 you are totally right that a company can be rebuilt but the loss of a brother will last for the eternity. It is not that I don't want to help my brother. And my BF has the same opinion like you and many others here: FAMILY FIRST. But ............... I hope you will understand.

Tomorrow I'll meet my brother. And I'll speak with him and show him the rules. He can have a 3 months probation. Do you think that will be fair?

 

[name_1]

Once more: I'm not the owner of a million Euro company with some thousand employees. -
I've got my qualification in a big property management. In the age of 25 I founded my own little property management. Some of my old clients followed me. In the meantime I'm managing for the owners a stock of 1.800 living quarters. I'm searching the tenants, if something is going wrong I'll instruct the responsible craftsmen, I'll have to do the annual settlements and, yes too, from time to time I have to go with a tenant to law.

In the beginning I've done all these work alone. But very soon it was too much for me. So I rented an office and got my first employees. In the meantime we are 7 (me and 6 employees). Now my employees are doing the daily work and I'm working to find more clients which means more living quarters. My most important employee is my bookkeeping clerk. He is really very good and a very great help now in the tax inspection which I have had this week (it's over today - without deficiencies!!!)

So this was a very long preface. And you can see this is not a "family business". And Name_1 you are totally right that a company can be rebuilt but the loss of a brother will last for the eternity. It is not that I don't want to help my brother. And my BF has the same opinion like you and many others here: FAMILY FIRST. But ............... I hope you will understand.

Tomorrow I'll meet my brother. And I'll speak with him and show him the rules. He can have a 3 months probation. Do you think that will be fair?

Yikes! I don't think 'family first', I think 'business first'. :thinking:
(If I have a BF, I will think 'BF first'. Maybe because I do not really love my family, but I will love my BF so much that I can forgo my 'business'.)

I think the rules and the probation are fair and I hope your brother understands and appreciates your intentions. :thinking:
:cheers:

 

[gb2000ie]

I find it peculiar that no one has championed the idea of 'family first', but constantly 'business first'.

I agree with the views expressed earlier by others, but perhaps, we should entertain the thought of putting relationships as the priority; the company can be rebuilt, but a brother lost might be for all eternity.

If you employ others, that is a horribly cruel attitude - as an employer, you are responsible for people's livelihoods - you can't play fast and loose with that!

Also, if you run a publicly traded company, you have a legal DUTY to do your best for your share holders, and if you don't, they can sue you!

B.

 

[Shelter]

Well - I've done it. The pressure from my parents and my BF have been too strong for me.
But I've got an agreement with him.
He starts today this morning. He will be an assistant to one of my employees. There he can learn. And he will have the freedom to cancel this job to the end of this month if he want and if he don't like the work. If he does - he has a 1/2 year probation and he has to show that he is willing and ready to work. And most of all he has to be always in time, what is a little bit a problem for him.
The family is happy, my BF is happy and I - hmmmm I will see.

But nontheless I hope it was a fair deal.

 

[Shelter]

I think you did the right thing in the end, if things get worse under pressure you can always say 'I tried'

good luck

Thank you RockNLol - all of us we hope it will be ok. So let's start!

 

[slimjim]

Well - I've done it. The pressure from my parents...... been too strong for me.

Ouch, as if deciding wasn't tricky enough there was pressure from parents too!