Lover's family, important or not?

[rant17]

This has been on my mind for quite a while, i've never had a relationship before and just entered my 20s (sad i know, never had a sexual relationship, interested but never enough to try) so i'm kind of inexperienced in this area.

this question is to all of you. say if you were seeing someone. would you like to know where he works?, meet his family and friends? what if that someone is in the closet? what would you do? What if this person is widely known, not a celebrity, more like a known writer.

my real question is, would you pursue to meet his family and friends even though he's generally a private but loving :heart: person? X_X

 

[rant17]

That makes sense, no one wants to be second place. Thanks for your honesty mate. Did you ever get into this situation before?

 

[BJinKY]

Hold on guys. A sexual relationship is, well... let's define relationship. Just meeting or getting together with someone for sex does not require anything other than good hygiene. When you start to move beyond just sex, spending time together out of bed, going on dates for dinner, movies, dancing... then you are developing a relationship. And it is then that you can start to meet their other friends and family. If they are in the closet (and you are not), I feel it important for you to help them define and accept their homosexuality (and hopefully emerge into the open).

 

[BJinKY]

Well 1st I think everybody here knows what a relationship is. And 2nd, you really think one who is not accepting of his sexuality can possibly be in a healthy relationship? I don't know anybody who was both closeted and in a lasting relationship. Do you?

I'm 60 and you're 21. Ah youth! First, the poster says he's never had a sexual relationship (never had gay sex?, don't know), and has never pursued a "relationship." I only meant to say that a "relationship" is much more than just sex. And second, when I was growing up, things were VERY different - especially in the mid-west - sex was just not talked about. And I knew from listening to my parents that gay people were pariahs. I knew I was gay at a very young age, and kept my mouth shut. Later, when I was in the military, I met a man that I fell in love with. We lived together off base, as a couple to the few other gay people we knew, and as just good friends to everyone else. In the closet? Definitely! A good relationship? Definitely! Alas, lasting was not to be, but for two and a half years or so, it was heaven on earth. Have patience on people who are still trying to find their way in this world, and help them out when you can.

This probably isn't any better than my original post, but I'm trying! LOL

 

[BJinKY]

This has been a great conversation - and I hope it helps all who read it. Since I retired from the military, and my parents passed away, I live openly with many great friends who love me and are loved in return. And I completely agree with your point about unhealthy relationships. Thank you for your posts.

 

[rant17]

Thank you bjinKY, age certainly does come with experience. yes, its not easy to come out in the open, it is perhaps one of the most difficult of trials i know. Most people believe that with someone on their side, they'll eventually do it. but they don't understand the great sacrifice that comes with. my relatives are an old fashioned bunch, if they were to find out all hell would break lose, i'd be an outcast, shunned by friends and everyone i know and love....i wonder, is it really worth it?

I apologise for the late reply, i usually log in outside of work and when im alone home

 

[rant17]

That must have been hard, but its an experience nonetheless. im sorry you had to go through that

 

[john7611]

It depends if his family is accepting. It's a dream to be able to have a gay relationship feel like a normal relationship, to be able to openly love and interact as lovers in front of his family without discomfort, but dreams are a product of the anti-reality. If my lover's family was homophobic or uncomfortable with it, I would honestly never even want to meet it, as I'd never let him meet mine.

 

[rant17]

Wow, i understand completely, living your life to the fullest and all that but, it's not easy, there are other underlying cirstances however thanks for your advice, should be something to think about

 

[john7611]

Why do wou say it's a dream to have a gay relationship feel like a normal relationship? Haven't we witnessed many changes to our situations in the last 40 years? Many gay couples live in open minded environments where they a viewed as equals by their peers and close ones. It's already there, even though some subcultures still hang out to the Fifties, but the world is wider than these little subcultural cubicles and it's far from being a majority of people who are uncomfortable with homosexuality, must it be indirectly or when faced with a gay couple. You say you wouldn't want your boyfriend meet your parents, so my guess is that your family is quite conservative or at the very least homophobic. Am I close to the truth?

There have been many changes, yes, but we still have a long, long way to go. I doubt I'll see significant differences in my lifetime, aside from the anti-marriage laws being overturned. You'd be surprised at how archaic and antiquated the general population still is. And yes, somewhat -- my parents are fairweather Christians, they always treated gays as they would anyone else until I became one of them. Coming out was an experience and a half.

Question, to anyone: is anti-homosexuality as prevalent in Europe as it is in America?

 

[john7611]

General population? You've tried them all? When I hear that, I can't help but ask myself where is the limit to where they've been? It depends on the cultural backgrounds, and in this case, the area one lives in, and I mean the area in the world, the earth doesn't come to an end at the end of the US of A... People are archaic where conservatism and especially religions rule the medias and the people, of course, but that's not the case everywhere. So it might be a dream, as I said, for microcultures (conservative and/or religious) but it is not for many others. Just go make a quick tour in Eastern Canada for instance. You'll be surprized at how accepted gay people and gay couples are. The world doesn't revolve around what little of it you have seen. There are areas in Europe where religion takes all the place that yes, are anti-gay, though I've never seen a place in Europe as homophobic as the USA is, but I've never seen a place where even politics were made into a stupid reality show either. Most place are following the current. France has been accepting for many years even though the government is from the right and won't allow same sex marriage.

You're trying too hard, you've contradicted yourself and lost your point.

Anyway, I never said it was the case everywhere, neither one of us knows anything about what goes on outside of where we have lived. What I did say obviously doesn't apply to EVERY place in the world, but homophobia is strongest and most predominate in America, that's where the majority of the struggle comes from. Put the pieces together and what I was describing as common is true.

 

[jw4833]

Well..every serious relationship that I've had, my partners have always wanted me to meet their family members as well as their friends. I have gotten along with all of my bfs families and friends that I have still have a connection with them although we aren't together anymore. However, I have to say that my first bf who was much older than me had took me around his family, and some of the members were non-chalante, except for his sister and some of his cousins, and nephews, neices, etc. His mom had a huge problem with me and she had even approached me privately to let me know how she felt about us being together. She did eventually came around when I was invited to their family reunion and her family members who was visiting embraced me in a very positive manner. I would like to say that if I was in your situation, or the situation that you speak of in your post. I would want to meet his friends, however, I would not push the issue of meeting his family because he could be in the closet and may feel uncomfortable bringing you around them. I tend to let that be a decision of my bf to when he is ready to make the move towards that direction, not with my encouragement.

 

[rant17]

Wow, i haven't even uttered the word yet, i somehow can't really acknowledge it, let alone meet someone else, the thought of someone knowing is beyond terrifying. im not quite sure what im feeling yet, i have zero experiences so maybe time can tell. Baby steps i suppose thanks for your wisdom mate

 

[john7611]

Nilstreet, I think you've lost what's important. So what if you're right? Neither one of us truly knows. Point blank: whether every region of the world is homophobic or not, there are still several, namely America, that are. There are people dying, committing suicide, being silenced and suffocated. If that covers 1% of the population, or even less, what is your point? It is still happening, and just because we've come a distance doesn't mean that all's well now. We still have a long way to go. Remember that.

 

[john7611]

What my point is? You said in your first post that for a gay couple, it is a dream to be treated as a normal couple, as in a "product of the anti-reality", to quote you right, to which I have responded that it was a reality for many people, not just the product of their own imagination. Yes, there are hate crimes against gay people, and I never said that it was all well now. So don't put words I didn't say into my mouth. If you want to intervene on my posts, know your facts right and please learn how to read. That way you won't need to backpeddle so much and go down the slippery slope that was that last post of yours just so you can try and have the last word in a conversation. I have lost what's important? No my friend, you have lost the line of this conversation.

I foremost am trying to understand why you're insulting me, but to rebut:

You are arguing with me about numbers, about majority, but the fact is that you have as much of a clue as I do about "numbers" in this argument: next to none. But according to statistics, to the numbers that we do have and the fact that one of the largest countries in the world is widely and publicly against homosexuality, we can say (or infer, see below) that the majority of homosexuals are still stuck in the closet in one way or another. Thus your point is irrelevant. My point is that I do not give a flying baboon's ass if it is a reality for all but .000000000001% of the gay population, that .000000000001% still remains and is still suffering. That is what is most relevant, most important.

As for putting words in your mouth, a little tiddybit of information since English obviously does not come natural to you: INFERENCE. 1: to derive as a conclusion from facts or premises. When you completely elude the fact that so many gays are not accepted to make your point that so many are, and so rudely I might add, you imply exactly what I said, one can INFER (keyword!) it. Look up back-pedaling as well, because I did no such thing. And find a hobby; picking moot arguments online obviously does not work for you.

 

[etilit]

This has been on my mind for quite a while, i've never had a relationship before and just entered my 20s (sad i know, never had a sexual relationship, interested but never enough to try) so i'm kind of inexperienced in this area.

this question is to all of you. say if you were seeing someone. would you like to know where he works?, meet his family and friends? what if that someone is in the closet? what would you do? What if this person is widely known, not a celebrity, more like a known writer.

my real question is, would you pursue to meet his family and friends even though he's generally a private but loving :heart: person? X_X

I would ask him what he wants me to do

 

[rant17]

ahaha what makes you think there's someone? i'm just wondering if there ever was, what you guys would do in this situation? I have zero experience so i'm polishing my game :?

 

[bubbleswallower]

I would first look through his eyes & find out what would happen around him if he was exposed (deep thoughts), & then discover if their will be a future with him (out wise) anytime soon (also deep thoughts).

I hope the best
:-* for luck

 

[etilit]

ahaha what makes you think there's someone? i'm just wondering if there ever was, what you guys would do in this situation? I have zero experience so i'm polishing my game :?

i was hoping babe lol

and dont polish your game...its NOT a game!! JUST BE YOURSELF lol

 

[rant17]

i was hoping babe lol

and dont polish your game...its NOT a game!! JUST BE YOURSELF lol

am i that obvious :worried: X-D true, i guess you'll never know what'll happen in this day and age, which is why im worried. thanks i will be myself, my foolish, silly self