Hey Guys:
I have to say that initially, I hesitated on posting this on the site, however, I decided to chance it and see where it leads me.
As I had mentioned from an earlier post, my family have had problems with accepting my sexuality for many years which resulted with me becoming "the black sheep" of the family. However, I have one sibling who kept in contact with me constantly and always spoke about how she supports and love me despite my being gay and how it does not matter whom I'm with, just as long as I am treated well and happy. Throughout the years, my sister has been subjected to much harassment and ridicule from the family for maintaining a relationship with me. In fact, there were times when situations between her and my family had gotten so intense that I had even suggested that we ended our relationship in order for her not to be subjected to their antics and she refused.
One of the things that I really loved about our relationship is that we talked and shared a lot with each other over the years and she knew that no matter what, she could come to me for anything and she always came to me for advice. However, over the past month, I've noticed some behavior from her that startled me initially, but everything that I had assumed from her behavior became pretty clear over the holiday weekend.
What I noticed is that when engaging in conversation with her on gay subject matters, if the topic is something that I can speak on from a personal perspective, she would get very uncomfortable and change the topic of conversation immediately. For instance, she would talk about her gay friend at work or a distant gay cousin in a positive manner, but if I put in my two-cents in regard to the conversation, she would have this annoyed look on her face and change the subject.
Over the weekend, she was telling me about one of her co-workers who was involved with a guy who would treat her really bad and at times, he would physically assault her. She also revealed to me that her friend's love for this guy was so deep that she had scheduled sessions with a counselor to get to the root of their problems in order to seek some kind of repair for their relationship. After numerous sessions, this guy revealed that he is very aware that he treats women really bad and that when he was a young child, his mom would physically and mentally abused him on a daily basis and one time she even demanded for him to take off his clothes and she preceded to beat him until he bled with a whip and then kicked him out of the house at the age of 12 which resulted in him being homeless and living on the streets for the majority of his teen and early adult years.
I told her that the guy who had raped me had a similar childhood as this guy because he too had been physically and mentally abused by his mom from the age of five until he turned 12 which ended because his father had found out about this and kicked her out of the house and in his adult years, this abuse has caused him to have difficulties in maintaining a relationship with women he had dated. All of a sudden, she became annoyed and wanted to know why I was so open and comfortable with sharing information in regard to that incident with her. I responded with that it took me a long time to be able to speak honestly and openly about being raped by one of my closest friends because I was very embarrassed and humiliated initially and did not want anyone to know that this had happened to me. It wasn't until I sought counseling that I was able to speak about it without breaking down or changing the subject altogether and the only reason why I shared that was because of the information she had shared about her friend's fiance.
Another time she was sharing funny stories about my distant gay cousin and the guys that she works with. However, when I had shared similar stories about either myself or some of my friends that were in relation to what she was talking about, she cut me off and started talking about something else. She keeps insisting that she is not homophobic and she loves gay people and support them 100 percent. Therefore, I can't understand why she shuts me down if I speak on a gay topic from my perspective that is in reference to her conversation.
Since my bf passed away, I was not that interested in another relationship, yet alone dating again. I focused a lot on school to take up my time. Whenever I would meet with guys upon the persistence of my friends, I would back away whenever things began to take a new turn. However, after deciding to take "baby steps", I decided to start dating again and when she would chat about her relationship, I would mention very platonic details about my dates and she would walk away or excuse herself.
What was really shocking was that my older brother stays across the street from her and her neighbor who is very macho has two sons who are in college and they both are gay. They are both very flamboyant and are male cheerleaders for the college that they attend. Despite this, their father loves them a lot and he is very supportive of them. My sister told me that from time to time, my homophobic brother would conduct positive conversations with each of them on various occasions. She also mentioned that he had told her that they were really cool guys and when she inquired that if he found them to be cool despite their sexuality, then why he can't accept me? He responded that it's not their fault that they are gay which startled her. For years, we did not have any communication or yet alone saw each other because he is very homophobic and did not want anyone to know that we were related and yet, he accept these guys and not me.
Usually when I go to stay a weekend or several days with her and her husband, I've always had a good time. However, after this weekend, I was really uncomfortable being in their home. I suspected that she began to realize later on that I was disappointed and surprised as well as confused with her actions and behavior that she surprised me with a gift of a couple of pictures that I saw that would look great in my home since I am redecorating it and she was really nice and sweet to me on my last day of staying with her. In fact, she has been calling me daily since.
I really love my sister but at the same time, I think it would be best for me if I go back to putting some distance between us and the remaining family members. After my mom passed away over the Christmas holidays, they had mentioned to her that they wanted to develop a relationship with me. Although I don't feel as comfortable around them as I do my sister, I did make an attempt to see if there could be a possibility of moving forward with our relationship.
Like I said, the conversations that I share with my sister are not sexual or have graphic details, it's very platonic. However, I have to say that I feel that if I have given her a platform to feel comfortable sharing her life and secrets with me, then why I can't do the same with her?
What do you guys think? and thank you all in advance who took time to read or respond to this. :?
I have to say that initially, I hesitated on posting this on the site, however, I decided to chance it and see where it leads me.
As I had mentioned from an earlier post, my family have had problems with accepting my sexuality for many years which resulted with me becoming "the black sheep" of the family. However, I have one sibling who kept in contact with me constantly and always spoke about how she supports and love me despite my being gay and how it does not matter whom I'm with, just as long as I am treated well and happy. Throughout the years, my sister has been subjected to much harassment and ridicule from the family for maintaining a relationship with me. In fact, there were times when situations between her and my family had gotten so intense that I had even suggested that we ended our relationship in order for her not to be subjected to their antics and she refused.
One of the things that I really loved about our relationship is that we talked and shared a lot with each other over the years and she knew that no matter what, she could come to me for anything and she always came to me for advice. However, over the past month, I've noticed some behavior from her that startled me initially, but everything that I had assumed from her behavior became pretty clear over the holiday weekend.
What I noticed is that when engaging in conversation with her on gay subject matters, if the topic is something that I can speak on from a personal perspective, she would get very uncomfortable and change the topic of conversation immediately. For instance, she would talk about her gay friend at work or a distant gay cousin in a positive manner, but if I put in my two-cents in regard to the conversation, she would have this annoyed look on her face and change the subject.
Over the weekend, she was telling me about one of her co-workers who was involved with a guy who would treat her really bad and at times, he would physically assault her. She also revealed to me that her friend's love for this guy was so deep that she had scheduled sessions with a counselor to get to the root of their problems in order to seek some kind of repair for their relationship. After numerous sessions, this guy revealed that he is very aware that he treats women really bad and that when he was a young child, his mom would physically and mentally abused him on a daily basis and one time she even demanded for him to take off his clothes and she preceded to beat him until he bled with a whip and then kicked him out of the house at the age of 12 which resulted in him being homeless and living on the streets for the majority of his teen and early adult years.
I told her that the guy who had raped me had a similar childhood as this guy because he too had been physically and mentally abused by his mom from the age of five until he turned 12 which ended because his father had found out about this and kicked her out of the house and in his adult years, this abuse has caused him to have difficulties in maintaining a relationship with women he had dated. All of a sudden, she became annoyed and wanted to know why I was so open and comfortable with sharing information in regard to that incident with her. I responded with that it took me a long time to be able to speak honestly and openly about being raped by one of my closest friends because I was very embarrassed and humiliated initially and did not want anyone to know that this had happened to me. It wasn't until I sought counseling that I was able to speak about it without breaking down or changing the subject altogether and the only reason why I shared that was because of the information she had shared about her friend's fiance.
Another time she was sharing funny stories about my distant gay cousin and the guys that she works with. However, when I had shared similar stories about either myself or some of my friends that were in relation to what she was talking about, she cut me off and started talking about something else. She keeps insisting that she is not homophobic and she loves gay people and support them 100 percent. Therefore, I can't understand why she shuts me down if I speak on a gay topic from my perspective that is in reference to her conversation.
Since my bf passed away, I was not that interested in another relationship, yet alone dating again. I focused a lot on school to take up my time. Whenever I would meet with guys upon the persistence of my friends, I would back away whenever things began to take a new turn. However, after deciding to take "baby steps", I decided to start dating again and when she would chat about her relationship, I would mention very platonic details about my dates and she would walk away or excuse herself.
What was really shocking was that my older brother stays across the street from her and her neighbor who is very macho has two sons who are in college and they both are gay. They are both very flamboyant and are male cheerleaders for the college that they attend. Despite this, their father loves them a lot and he is very supportive of them. My sister told me that from time to time, my homophobic brother would conduct positive conversations with each of them on various occasions. She also mentioned that he had told her that they were really cool guys and when she inquired that if he found them to be cool despite their sexuality, then why he can't accept me? He responded that it's not their fault that they are gay which startled her. For years, we did not have any communication or yet alone saw each other because he is very homophobic and did not want anyone to know that we were related and yet, he accept these guys and not me.
Usually when I go to stay a weekend or several days with her and her husband, I've always had a good time. However, after this weekend, I was really uncomfortable being in their home. I suspected that she began to realize later on that I was disappointed and surprised as well as confused with her actions and behavior that she surprised me with a gift of a couple of pictures that I saw that would look great in my home since I am redecorating it and she was really nice and sweet to me on my last day of staying with her. In fact, she has been calling me daily since.
I really love my sister but at the same time, I think it would be best for me if I go back to putting some distance between us and the remaining family members. After my mom passed away over the Christmas holidays, they had mentioned to her that they wanted to develop a relationship with me. Although I don't feel as comfortable around them as I do my sister, I did make an attempt to see if there could be a possibility of moving forward with our relationship.
Like I said, the conversations that I share with my sister are not sexual or have graphic details, it's very platonic. However, I have to say that I feel that if I have given her a platform to feel comfortable sharing her life and secrets with me, then why I can't do the same with her?
What do you guys think? and thank you all in advance who took time to read or respond to this. :?
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