Well I have a problem (I'm not sure if it is a problem) but yea here goes.
So I'm 18 and I always knew I was gay (and for some reason, interested in older men), but never really worried about it until a few months ago. I'm not sure what direction I'm going with my life (career-wise) but I decided to take this year off and work maybe travel etc. Having kind of a sheltered life I only didn't know of any other gay people as of a month ago. I told a few of my friends and they were all very supportive (Haven't told my family saving that till I move out haha)
I started to feel a bit lonely and wanted to see what the community was like and all of that so I asked him to take me out. All this occurred 5 days ago. I had a great time and decided to drink (for the first time! haha). And yeah before you know it, 2 guys (22 y.o and a 44 y.o) Came up to me and stared dancing/talking and all of that. Bought me a few drinks, then decided to take me to another club.
One thing which did occur before this was that we kissed. He knew that I've had never been with another guy, and I'm not sure if I would have done it if I haven't been drinking.
Night grew older and I was getting a bit tipsy but I remember before leaving I was with the older one dancing (he was grinding on me). And they took me to this other club and we eventually get in at around 2 in the morning. The 3 of us danced and had a good time and then they decided to take their shirts of (This is the right kinda bar for it) and they took mine off aswell. I'm still having a great time. He begins to touch me up a bit and he takes my hand and places it on his chest. We dance more as I'm having a great time, then he asks me to come upstairs. I told him that I'm enjoying this a lot, hes just like okay then. We stay on the dance floor a bit longer and then a period of time later he takes my hand and brings me upstairs.
I wont go into too much detail but I remember that I had a great time at this point. He asked me if I wanted to go "around the corner" and I hesitated. He told me that he knew it was going to be my first and that he hated his first time, so it was entirely up to me. I'm not sure how I answered it but we continued to fool around on the couch for a bit longer. And before I knew it he was asking me again if i would like to, this time though I checked my watch, it was 4am. I asked if he had work and just completely shifted the subject until we decided to leave. As we parted our separate ways we shared another kiss before he left.
I ended up at my friends house because I didn't want to return home so late (this was organized beforehand). I had an amazing evening and enjoyed it tremendously. Heres the issue. The way I saw it at the time (whilst still being under the influence of alcohol) it was a one-night-stand. Understandable nonetheless the only problem is that lately he is all I can think about. I've been keeping myself busy lately to keep him off my mind but it's getting harder. So last night I was with one of my friends and I told him about what happened, and I would like to see him again, just to know what kind of person hes like. He told me not to bother and that hes just a slut.
At the moment the only way I can get in contact with him is through facebook, I did send him a message last night/this morning but nothing regarding my feelings towards him.
Feeling lost and confused I wasn't sure were to go as I don't know anyone else which has been through this. So do you think I should see him or make an effort to? Or just live my life without knowing who he is. (remember he is the first guy I have been with)
And I apologize if this (the post) is in the wrong area or something I always seem to do it wrong haha.
So I'm 18 and I always knew I was gay (and for some reason, interested in older men), but never really worried about it until a few months ago. I'm not sure what direction I'm going with my life (career-wise) but I decided to take this year off and work maybe travel etc. Having kind of a sheltered life I only didn't know of any other gay people as of a month ago. I told a few of my friends and they were all very supportive (Haven't told my family saving that till I move out haha)
I started to feel a bit lonely and wanted to see what the community was like and all of that so I asked him to take me out. All this occurred 5 days ago. I had a great time and decided to drink (for the first time! haha). And yeah before you know it, 2 guys (22 y.o and a 44 y.o) Came up to me and stared dancing/talking and all of that. Bought me a few drinks, then decided to take me to another club.
One thing which did occur before this was that we kissed. He knew that I've had never been with another guy, and I'm not sure if I would have done it if I haven't been drinking.
Night grew older and I was getting a bit tipsy but I remember before leaving I was with the older one dancing (he was grinding on me). And they took me to this other club and we eventually get in at around 2 in the morning. The 3 of us danced and had a good time and then they decided to take their shirts of (This is the right kinda bar for it) and they took mine off aswell. I'm still having a great time. He begins to touch me up a bit and he takes my hand and places it on his chest. We dance more as I'm having a great time, then he asks me to come upstairs. I told him that I'm enjoying this a lot, hes just like okay then. We stay on the dance floor a bit longer and then a period of time later he takes my hand and brings me upstairs.
I wont go into too much detail but I remember that I had a great time at this point. He asked me if I wanted to go "around the corner" and I hesitated. He told me that he knew it was going to be my first and that he hated his first time, so it was entirely up to me. I'm not sure how I answered it but we continued to fool around on the couch for a bit longer. And before I knew it he was asking me again if i would like to, this time though I checked my watch, it was 4am. I asked if he had work and just completely shifted the subject until we decided to leave. As we parted our separate ways we shared another kiss before he left.
I ended up at my friends house because I didn't want to return home so late (this was organized beforehand). I had an amazing evening and enjoyed it tremendously. Heres the issue. The way I saw it at the time (whilst still being under the influence of alcohol) it was a one-night-stand. Understandable nonetheless the only problem is that lately he is all I can think about. I've been keeping myself busy lately to keep him off my mind but it's getting harder. So last night I was with one of my friends and I told him about what happened, and I would like to see him again, just to know what kind of person hes like. He told me not to bother and that hes just a slut.
At the moment the only way I can get in contact with him is through facebook, I did send him a message last night/this morning but nothing regarding my feelings towards him.
Feeling lost and confused I wasn't sure were to go as I don't know anyone else which has been through this. So do you think I should see him or make an effort to? Or just live my life without knowing who he is. (remember he is the first guy I have been with)
And I apologize if this (the post) is in the wrong area or something I always seem to do it wrong haha.
Just don't lose your heart to the first one, easy to say, but you will only get yourself hurt dwelling on someone who may be only interested in the moment.
