My story......

[asderbrx]

So I knew I am gay since I am 15.....
But I havent told anyone because I am afraid that people will reject me.
When I was 16, I went to another boarding school. I started to meet new people and friends. Living in a boarding school means that u need to be cautious about wt u do or else others might think that u are a weird guy...
Anyway I think I did fit in well in the school and made a few good friends, I quite enjoyed it. I am quite good in sports so I got into the school team. (dont want to mention what sport it is) After that I need to go to practise bascially everyday. I also get to know more people in the team and most of them like me as I am good and not that kind of an arrogant person.
I got a crush on one of the boys in the team. He is 1 year older than me and got the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I didnt know him much at first, then he start to chat with me, I think he quite like me as he always said I am cute or something... That makes me even like him more...to a stage that I cant pull myself out. I am always thinkinh about him and is very happy whenever I talk to him. I guess I am a bit crazy, but thats wt u feel when u fall in love, even very little things, like a touch on the hair from him, a hug, would drive u insane. But deep inside me, I know he is not gay and will never be with me. It is such a pain as homosexuality is consider as 'non-natural' and u can tell no one about it..... Its worse when u love someone who is straight.....
So I got this secret with me... As I didn't mention it, he keep treat me as a good friend. We talk about random stuff like girls, sex...etc. I am actually fine with it, as long as we are still friends, I am happy enough. You just can't wish too much when your crush is not a gay. There are a few girls who like me in the team, so he kind of encourage me to go out with them. That depressed moment when ur crush says you should go out with someother people...God I wish I had told him I don't like girls....
Once there was an away match so we had to stay overnight in a hotel. He sort of want to share room with me. Of coz i won't mind, actually i would love it... You can see how crazy I went because of this guy. When you are in love you simply cannot control yourself. You stop, after a while you think about him again, and the stupid cycle repeats. Anyway we got in that hotel, had dinner and everyone went back to their room. I had already took a shower, so I got changed and watch TV while he was texting someone. Then he show me the picture of the girl he was texting, 'Cute, isn't she?' He was quite proud of it.
'Yea, sure, new girlfriend?' I smiled.
'No not really, but I quite like her. I am takin a shower.' he touch my hair again and went in.
Sometimes I just hate him doing that, I mean touching my hair, it just make u filled with sweetness and sadness at the same time and I hate it so much. I couldn't hold it anymore and I was about to confess. When he finished his shower I was still watching TV. He suddenly hugged me. He was quite naked that time just with his towel on him and he said 'You look like a child, so cute.' I pushed him away. The feeling is so complex I dont even know how to explain. And that hug stopped me from confessing... When I was sleeping that night, I feel like crying...
(Thank you very much for all the great replies. I don't have much time to update the post but I will do it as soon as I am free. )

 

[Urban]

I think almost everyone, gay or straight, develops a crush on someone unattainable at some point; some of us do it fairly regularly...

My best advice is to let it play out, but be careful that it doesn't become an overriding obsession. In my own experience, there's really no way to stop it, but you will find in time that it will pass, when you become interested in other things (or other people).

Eventually it also may reach the point where you realize he's occupying too much of your thoughts and time, and you realize that you will need to move on just for the sake of your own peace of mind. I confess that's happened to me several times.

 

[Casanova]

^
You've hit the nail on the head. As a teenager I had developed an unhealthy crush on a straight friend of mine to the point where it became an obsession. Strange he never noticed the signs though.

I think I've even mentioned once on the forum the things I tried doing so as to be close to this guy. I look back at it now and I wonder what madness possessed me then, but still I know the feeling of being gay and craving a guy who is just out of your reach and feeling heart-broken and torn.

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

So I knew I am gay since I am 15.....
But I havent told anyone because I am afraid that people will reject me.
When I was 16, I went to another boarding school. I started to meet new people and friends. Living in a boarding school means that u need to be cautious about wt u do or else others might think that u are a weird guy...
Anyway I think I did fit in well in the school and made a few good friends, I quite enjoyed it. I am quite good in sports so I got into the school team. (dont want to mention what sport it is) After that I need to go to practise bascially everyday. I also get to know more people in the team and most of them like me as I am good and not that kind of an arrogant person.
I got a crush on one of the boys in the team. He is 1 year older than me and got the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I didnt know him much at first, then he start to chat with me, I think he quite like me as he always said I am cute or something... That makes me even like him more...to a stage that I cant pull myself out. I am always thinkinh about him and is very happy whenever I talk to him. I guess I am a bit crazy, but thats wt u feel when u fall in love, even very little things, like a touch on the hair from him, a hug, would drive u insane. But deep inside me, I know he is not gay and will never be with me. It is such a pain as homosexuality is consider as 'non-natural' and u can tell no one about it..... Its worse when u love someone who is straight.....

That feeling of yours isn't only for gay people... in the straight side of the world it's becoming as difficult too. Sure one would believe that it's easier, but you would be surprised how sometimes it is much easier to find somebody in the gay world than in the straight world. Love is love and the feeling or fear of being rejected is at both level strong and destructive. We believe it to be worst for gays, because of the self or socially inflected silence. But it's not always the case. As a guy who have been roaming in both camp, I have to tell you that I had much less difficulty to find gay partners than hetero partners. Even when I don't know if the other dude have gay feelings or not...

So many time I had crushes on dudes and/or girls that I always tent to believe that they were out of my league. Funny enough few of them later on, much much later on admit to have had a crush on me. Sometimes I know and it's very difficult... you got to trust your instinct... but don't go crazy... somebody may smile... it doesn't mean there's a invitation to jump his bone

 

[XMan101]

Oh hell, did I too, and when our knees touched on the bus it sent electronic shocks to my brain! And other places

It happens , and it can happen again after school, but any crush is painful. We all have them, you're not alone

Thanks for a good post and some good replies too

 

[bafm]

If I can add my two cents..

we need to have some awareness and consideration of what others may be thinking of us whilst not caring so much that it prevents us being effective and original human beings.
Don't worry too much about what others may think of you (I did this mistake too many times trying to hide myself!), be yourself and enjoy your life

 

[Fredric13]

Cherish this person and develop your friendship. Eventually you can share with him who you are. If you can't have a romantic relationship, at the very least, if he becomes a true friend, you will have someone in your life to support your journey of self-discovery.

 

[asderbrx]

Thank you very much for all the replies! I will keep update my story as soon as possible

 

[topdog]

It sounds to me like your friend is flirting and you are rejecting every advance. Flirt back; what can it hurt?

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

It sounds to me like your friend is flirting and you are rejecting every advance. Flirt back; what can it hurt?

I had that impression too reading his story

 

[R_ver]

he hugged you? omg you should hug back then push him on the bed and do something XDD

 

[whatthef__k]

Reading your story a certain question came to my mind over and over again: Is that enough?

I get that whole "I'm afraid to tell him" thing. I really do. I've been there myself a few times (with both guys and girls). I loved being near that person. Just enjoying his company. Getting his attention. Just doing stuff together. Loving that he or she liked me back. But what happened to me was that my fear somehow paralyzed me piece by piece. The more time we spent together, the more I had the feeling that I must behave "normal" so that he doesn't notice my crush. With all that fear in me, I somehow started to ask myself what behavior would be considered appropriate in a certain situation. So more and more, I said and did what I thought a "normal" friend would do. And that worked out pretty well.
Here's the thing: I liked that he liked me. But actually, he didn't like me. He liked the part of me that I wanted him to see and like, but he didn't like me. So I asked myself: Is that enough? Is it enough for me that he likes the 'appropriate' me instead of the real me? It wasn't. So I told him that my feelings are somewhat stronger than in a "normal" friendship.
He didn't feel the same way, but he reacted quite good. We talked it through which helped me to get over it, and from that point on I was sure he liked me for being the person I truly am.

About two years before that happened, I had been in the same situation. But I didn't tell her how I really felt because I had the impression she didn't feel the same way although I wasn't sure. That time was extremely hard for me.

So ask yourself: Is it enough?

 

[bigsal]

The question is fair and lawful.

Rationally the spontaneous response is, "no".

But what is rational in us, when unconsciously we throw ourselves in these situations?

Unfortunately, stories like these, there were many and, I think, there will be others.