JonnyFantastico
Super Vip
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2008
- Messages
- 2,539
- Reaction score
- 229
- Points
- 63
First off, know that this is not a bashing post. After a while, those get really tired and forgotten about and at the end of it, you're just seen as something you're not.
Consider this... an explanation post. The reasons being that I've been far too quiet here and I feel like I should express my feelings as to why I've been that way. There are quite a few reasons that I realize don't really have much to do with "Gay Heaven" as a whole... but more or less the person I am now, partially in part to it.
When I first came here... it was amazing and an entirely new experience. Here I was, this early 20-something who had pretty much never had access to so much porn in my life. Mind you, I was still sort of new to the downloading thing when it came to any sort of videos, so that was new territory and it was just so wonderous in a perverse, but fun way. :rofl:
But it was more than that: I actually met Radix (remember that name? LOL) on the original inception of this forum, the "Gay Boy Porn" blog. That introduction and subsequent friendship would in a weird sense, change my life.
Because of that, I got to be a moderator of GH in it's very early days. Not only could I have access to loads of videos, but I could actually sort of step in to help people out. Of course, being a moderator brought me under the guise and fellowship of the man known here as Lord-Vader, but I don't want to weave that tale anymore than it already has been. It's been told and in some cases, mistold, but whatever the case, it's been over for years; as was the moderator position here... to which I had no regrets.
Fast forward a few years: there have been many different changes at this place and even if I wasn't in the mix or midst of it all, I've always been here. I've made friends, had chances at romance, participated in some interesting (sometimes intense) conversations and fell in love with this place for more than just the free porn it offered.
Truth be told, I still love this place and it still holds a very special place in my heart for many reasons...
However, over time... there are certain sections here that I feel have sort of changed people; people I considered friendly or were friends with. There have been certain moments where I feel like I may have been misunderstood and have had to defend myself. Rules have been been born in the blinks of an eye and punishments have been handed out without warning... and sometimes, they're given out to those who don't deserve it. I've seen "favorites" being played here, the off-handed commentary been bashed and everything this place once stood for do a complete 180 in some cases.
Some of it was light. Some of it managed to break my heart. But in a weird way, I don't hold any negativity toward those things. It's not my place to and it helped me to see things in a different light; take it in a much more meaningful way.
It is because of those reasons in itself that I maintain a bit of silence around these parts nowadays. I click the odd "thank you" or add a comment or two... but it's never as it once was ages ago. And I realize that as time goes on, my voice here gets a lot more silent due to my own accord and continues to get louder elsewhere... and that's OK.
I'm still around; don't misunderstand that... but it's a very different age not only for GH, but for myself and I hope that is taken in the utmost respect, because this place still has mine, regardless of the changes it has gone through or the people who may go through it.
To the friends I've been able to make here, you know who you are and you will always be something I treasure... and that is a label that will never get taken away, no matter the silence I may maintain here. There are some of you that I keep in contact with outside of the GH walls, so you know I'm always there.
To the ones who I've lost as friends or even more: I don't hate you. I never did and never would. People change and they grow apart. I thank you for coming into my life and allowing me not only to learn from you, but learn from myself. There are certain things more important to you and that's fine... but they aren't so important to me. I hold no malice. Open your eyes and see what you're doing... do you really like the person you've become because of the attention you receive?
Take that as you will... I wish you peace.
To this amazing place; one that seemed to twinkle and shine more brightly than it does now to me: you taught me so much. Yes, I know people mainly come here for the porn... but I was one of the lucky ones that stayed for so much more and I will forever be grateful for all of the times; whether good or bad, that I had here.
Now, I've said my piece... allow me to zip these thoughts shut once more and just... be.
With love and respect,
Jonny Fantastico
Consider this... an explanation post. The reasons being that I've been far too quiet here and I feel like I should express my feelings as to why I've been that way. There are quite a few reasons that I realize don't really have much to do with "Gay Heaven" as a whole... but more or less the person I am now, partially in part to it.
When I first came here... it was amazing and an entirely new experience. Here I was, this early 20-something who had pretty much never had access to so much porn in my life. Mind you, I was still sort of new to the downloading thing when it came to any sort of videos, so that was new territory and it was just so wonderous in a perverse, but fun way. :rofl:
But it was more than that: I actually met Radix (remember that name? LOL) on the original inception of this forum, the "Gay Boy Porn" blog. That introduction and subsequent friendship would in a weird sense, change my life.
Because of that, I got to be a moderator of GH in it's very early days. Not only could I have access to loads of videos, but I could actually sort of step in to help people out. Of course, being a moderator brought me under the guise and fellowship of the man known here as Lord-Vader, but I don't want to weave that tale anymore than it already has been. It's been told and in some cases, mistold, but whatever the case, it's been over for years; as was the moderator position here... to which I had no regrets.
Fast forward a few years: there have been many different changes at this place and even if I wasn't in the mix or midst of it all, I've always been here. I've made friends, had chances at romance, participated in some interesting (sometimes intense) conversations and fell in love with this place for more than just the free porn it offered.
Truth be told, I still love this place and it still holds a very special place in my heart for many reasons...
However, over time... there are certain sections here that I feel have sort of changed people; people I considered friendly or were friends with. There have been certain moments where I feel like I may have been misunderstood and have had to defend myself. Rules have been been born in the blinks of an eye and punishments have been handed out without warning... and sometimes, they're given out to those who don't deserve it. I've seen "favorites" being played here, the off-handed commentary been bashed and everything this place once stood for do a complete 180 in some cases.
Some of it was light. Some of it managed to break my heart. But in a weird way, I don't hold any negativity toward those things. It's not my place to and it helped me to see things in a different light; take it in a much more meaningful way.
It is because of those reasons in itself that I maintain a bit of silence around these parts nowadays. I click the odd "thank you" or add a comment or two... but it's never as it once was ages ago. And I realize that as time goes on, my voice here gets a lot more silent due to my own accord and continues to get louder elsewhere... and that's OK.
I'm still around; don't misunderstand that... but it's a very different age not only for GH, but for myself and I hope that is taken in the utmost respect, because this place still has mine, regardless of the changes it has gone through or the people who may go through it.
To the friends I've been able to make here, you know who you are and you will always be something I treasure... and that is a label that will never get taken away, no matter the silence I may maintain here. There are some of you that I keep in contact with outside of the GH walls, so you know I'm always there.
To the ones who I've lost as friends or even more: I don't hate you. I never did and never would. People change and they grow apart. I thank you for coming into my life and allowing me not only to learn from you, but learn from myself. There are certain things more important to you and that's fine... but they aren't so important to me. I hold no malice. Open your eyes and see what you're doing... do you really like the person you've become because of the attention you receive?
Take that as you will... I wish you peace.
To this amazing place; one that seemed to twinkle and shine more brightly than it does now to me: you taught me so much. Yes, I know people mainly come here for the porn... but I was one of the lucky ones that stayed for so much more and I will forever be grateful for all of the times; whether good or bad, that I had here.
Now, I've said my piece... allow me to zip these thoughts shut once more and just... be.
With love and respect,
Jonny Fantastico
