Online Hook Up With Someone from another State

[jw4833]

Hey Guys:

I want to discuss something with you all. I have a very close friend who have had a lot of challenges in his life and yet, he has prevailed thru them all and and even a horrible relationship to say the least. He is very handsome, intelligent, down to earth and a great personality. Over the weekend, he told me about this guy he met on one of the social networks about two weeks ago. He showed me this guy's profile which he is too a very handsome guy although somewhat narcissistic with the selfies...

The thing is my friend is a very positive and supportive individual and this guy had posted on his page an issue that he was going thru and my friend offered some pretty profound advice to help him through. Needless to say, this guy contacted my friend to thank him. From that point on, they would have these little 2-4 minute chats on the site and a couple of days later...this guy had requested that the both of them should meet in person. This information took my friend for a loop considering the fact that they really don't know each other and yet alone, this guy was willing to come to town to visit him and from what I've gathered from the conversations that my friend shared with me...this guy wants SEX. This guy has bought this topic up to my friend several times already and he has even posted on his page for all of his friends to read that he thinks he has fallen in love with a guy and yet, he wonders if this guy is aware that he has feelings for him. I even read one the other day where he posted ...OK...I am confused with whether I am deeply in love ..but I do love him a little but I wonder if he knows. Yes, this is pretty creepy to me considering they really haven't had a full fledged conversation and knows very little about each other that would take things to that level. Also, I have an issue with him sharing his thoughts/feelings with his online friends instead of having a one-on-one conversation with the guy he's interested in. To me, this is how grown men handle their business...not with that public display b.s. in order to be more effective.

My buddy told me last night that this guy seemed to be really frustrated with him lately because I assumed he has not consent to the situation they way he would like him to. I told my buddy to leave it be ....and a red flag. If he is displaying this kind of behavior this early in the game...just imagine how many others he has done this with. Then too, I also believe that this guy has become somewhat intimated with my buddy because he goes to church every Sunday and is active in supporting and helping out a lot of local charities...you know...just an all around good guy.

Now, I had another friend who got involved with a online guy from out of town and when the guy came to town for a weekend. This guy robbed and killed my friend. I believe I spoke more in depth about this in a previous post. Therefore, I passed this on to my buddy to consider. Do any of you agree with this? or do any of you think I am being overly cautious? Thanks so much for your participation to this topic :cheers: JW

 

[Otage]

The internet fella sounds like hi's a douche looking for hit and run. It can go both ways, and what's wrong with little fun But honesty in my opinnion can always go further, and usually pressuring guys don't take other peoples thoughts in consideration, usually because they focus on them self.

I've had few guys like that, and have traveled some distance to be with them for a week. And those have usually been good and fun weeks, but I have made clear that it is just fun, and if smth grows of it, then it will. I would never lie to get sex, it's very hurtfull.

But you can never know for sure, and I usually consider, that which choice will I regret more:1. Not to look promising(or even semi-good) cards 2. Trying and failing. I usually regret the first one, second one really rarely.

But can't really say what's the case here. You have given your version of his version to us, I don't feel comfortable showing either light, but caution is always wise, and one should trust his guts a bit. But if he hesitates, and the other guy is still pressuring and they can't talk things clear, I wouldn't bother going.

 

[orixa]

I will barely go across town, let alone to another state, for almost anybody or anything (including sex, even if it seems safe and assured). Always be cautious online. ALWAYS.

 

[jw4833]

Well...this guy posted again on the social network site that he is sees something he likes in each of these guys and this makes it difficult for him to decide which guy is the one. Therefore, my buddy was over my house and we went on the site and my buddy had responded with whether any of these guys are aware that he has these feelings? and perhaps it would be considerate to contact each of them one on one and see if they feel anywhere near what he feels. This guy responded again with the fact he does not know these guys that well and none of them are aware of his feelings...WTF??..and yet...he claims he doesn't like displaying his emotions and yet...you posted this on a social network for all to read about....I told my buddy to not even bother...

 

[Smokey]

Personally, I had a co-worker go through this same thing a few years back and it proved to be the biggest disaster that ever happened in his life, it has been 9 years now and his life still is messed up with no signs of repair. I told him not to meet this guy, the same exact situation, which is eerie, but he did not listen, I dropped him off at the bus station, my friend went and met him, things seemed okay, or so he said at first and them wham, all these things started happening and now my friend is a shell of his former self and there is nothing anyone can do, we have tried everything, got him the best help, the best attorneys, counseling, nothing, is helping and repairing the damage is out of the question. Luckily, they finally caught the guy, but, not before he ruined a few other guys as well, so he sits in a cell rotting right now. My advice, let it go

 

[Otage]

Yeah seems that best he can get out of this guy is sex, but in my experience with these inconsiderate-selfish-dick-types that is, well at best not satisfying. And lot worse can happen. Mildest being that the guys act is well trained, and he seems nice, he knows exactly what to say etc. and when dumping your friend, he might actually feel sad about it. In my opinnion, these cards I would fold.

 

[HustleMe15]

To be honest, I have met quite a few guys that I first chatted to online. People say that meeting guys from online is dangerous. That you could get hurt, or even killed. But honestly that can happen if you first meet the guy in person too. It's the guys that get a little too clingy when all I've seen in a pic online that get me worried the most, and the ones that I wont meet.

I do have friends that I've never met that are online. Mostly that is through Tumblr, and a couple from here. And though I may have feelings for them, or understand their situation if we get to talking about personal issues, if someone were to say to me that they love me, or are falling in love with me without knowing me in person is a bit creepy.

For the guys that I do meet in person, since most of them are older than I am, I am careful not to reveal to accurately where I work or live. Once I get to know someone, and I like them, and they reveal the same to me is when I will open up to them. Two weeks is a few short amount of time to get to know someone, and I am not one that believes in love at first sight. Even Nick and I didn't fall in love like that.

I don't fault guys who just want sex in a friendship. However, if that is not what your friend is after then I'd go with Otage and fold the cards. Back in the day, I had friends that just wanted me over for sex, and that was fine. But we knew what that relationship was about. And I've had some that started out as a sexual friendship turn into a real friendship without sex. But both people have to be at the same level for it to work. One who wants sex, and one that doesn't in my experience is a recipe for disaster.