Online Relationships: Can They Progress?

[JonnyFantastico]

So, after dealing with a bit of craziness this week; I've actually been wanting to pose this question to you guys (and no disrespect to the person who misconstrued a lot of what I was saying and what have you; it's just a really good question):

A lot of people meet online every single day. We chat, we learn about each other, we flirt... and most of the time, it never really progresses past that point. And if it does, it usually just becomes a good online friendship and possible phone talk.

But what happens if there is something more under the surface? What happens if feelings grow between the two people in question? What happens if those feelings grow to "love"?

Can something as meaningful as a true and happy relationship happen if the two decide to meet up? Or is it all doomed to Hell before it even gets to that point?

I've known a few people who have met online and it's either completely disastrous, turns into a good friendship and in very small cases; progresses to all full blown happy relationships, which does make me believe in something I've told myself over and over again: love really CAN conquer all. :x

So, what's your take on this, guys? Can online relationships become actual long-term relationships? If so, how is it possible? Is it mostly about being truthful and knowing one's faults before the two of you decide to meet and actually explore your feelings and thoughts? Or is something more needed to make it go... or should it not "go" at all?

Share your thoughts here. I'm pretty sure I know how one person will react (don't worry, guy in question; I'll keep you anonymous); but I think this is a great way to explain and explore what love really is and if it can be achieved in quite the different way.

Hugs,
Jonny Fantastico

 

[greekhot]

Hmmm...That's a tough one...Love is really difficult to be developed through online communication but sometimes it happens...A friendship is possible...A crush is also possible..

For a relationship to be developed, people have to meet in person...But after they meet its just considered to be a date and as long as they meet in person, anything that might happen after that is due to that meeting and not due to the online communication these persons used to have...

That's my opinion of course

PS: That's why I believe that meeting someone in person is better than online communication....But sometimes this is not possible, for several reasons...

 

[JonnyFantastico]

I understand what you're saying, Greekhot; it would be hard to have something with someone without meeting (which I should've added in the original post; thanks for that! ) and once the two people meet; it would sort of be a date of sorts... but wouldn't be a little different? I mean, it's not necessarily too awkward considering the two of you would DEFINITELY know each other beforehand. I mean, there is that light sense of oddity, but it would pass eventually.

I've known people who have met other people online and have had damn near week-long dates! LOL Some of it is due to distance; others are just because they have longed to be near this person for so long. Sometimes, it doesn't become anything more; but in quite the few occurrences, I've known of it becoming way more and these people actually stay together and work it out. So, I know it is somewhat possible to happen...

Thanks for your thoughts, Greek and no worries; opinions are ALWAYS welcome... I'd love to see how everyone else replies.

 

[Jamie]

I guess you already know my opinion about these subject

I`m not against it but I can`t really say I approve it 100%. BUT! There are some exceptions and I know people fell in love online and met after months of talking on the net and big love stories started via internet. Like you and greekhot said... if it`s not possible for the 2 persons to meet in the near future, for me it`s not OK...it`s not OK because I`m a person who wants human contact, human touch...I need to see facial expressions when I talk with someone, I need to see gestures so I understand where everything is going. People lie online. They say something and when you actually meet them, they`re different. Maybe not much but it`s always less than you expected or thought it will be like. Been there, done that...When you talk online and the person tells you: I`m lazy, I don`t do laundry, I don`t cook, I don`t do that and that and I don`t know what else, you`re OK with it because it`s online, the crush is big and the feelings are on fire but when you actually meet and you start to think about the things you talked online ...those things are not that "I don`t care" anymore. You start thinking something like: hmmm..what if I`m gonna live with him/her? He/she doesn`t do laundry, no cooking...is lazy...what will I do? Work for both of us and when coming back I have to cook, do the laundry, wash the floors, wipe the dust ...but LOVE is big? Nah...That`s why somehow I think it`s better ...the actual "meet" first and only after that the feelings and all

And I know I talk rubbish but that`s me...and what I wrote is something that happened to me with some one I met online and we did meet eventually and things were different ...

 

[ritsuka]

Sure it can; I actually think it might in some cases be very convenient, if not ideal to meet online first, via text, and get to know each other that way. But more than just it being an 'internet' relationship, I think distance matters, and can be fatal. When I was sixteen I had a full on internet relationship with someone who lived across the country (but who was nearbye in the summers) and the first year was nice, the second terrible, and then when it came time for me to move out there so we could live together, I found out someone else was in the relationship, and he was the one they moved in with (a former friend of mine, to.)

After that, I resolutely said no to internet relationships, and anyway I changed a lot, became much more serious, cynical. It didn't matter anymore whether I had "flirted" with someone online or any such thing; that loses interest quickly. But then, a few years ago I hurt myself a lot by falling in love with the most amazing match for myself that I know exists; a beautiful boy who I'm so in sync with, intellectually, artistically, and emotionally; someone who yet inspired me greatly, and we became really close. But, not being teenagers anymore...he lived on the other side of the country, and neither of us were willing to breach that territory, so I kept the fact that I loved him to myself, and then he got a really serious boyfriend, and I crumbled a bit; our friendship fractured rather heavily, and I'll probably never see him in person.

So I'm not necessarily against a relationship that involves some writing over the internet (actually that would be mandatory for me as I'm more inclined to writing than talking), but the person has to live very close by.

 

[goejavin]

Well, heres my deal...I met someone amazingly special through Ebay. How we connected, I no longer remember except we had antiques in common. I bought his shit and he and I slowly forged a relationship. I was so smitten with this guy that I sent him flowers and little did I know that he still lived with his parents and his mom questioned the fact that the card said "love ya". I didnt know at the time just how Christian he andhis family were...yet he was gay. And yes, much younger than I. But he loved that and so did I. I drove to Los Angeles from Sacramento (8 hours) each weekend to be with him and I spent such wonderful times with his family. We did so much together...he was amazing.
Without going into too much more, I decided I needed to leave CA and head east to NJ where my family was...my mom had had a heart attack. Bad decision...left us high and dry.
In the interim though, I met someone online who has since become not just a friend, not just a confidant, but someone I can drive to see much less closer and hold, cuddle, and enjoy so much I never enjoyed before in my life. He too is younger but when I met him he was a mess. I refused ever to see him in person till he pulled himself together and today he is in nursing school, at the same time working at CVS and truly has worked himself into a fine young man.
So, it is possible to meet, befriend and maybe enrapt someone online....but locality matters. The distance thing is a bit much.
I'm glad I met my one and only lover in person and not from some website...hell there were no websites back then...but love does exist online...you just need to make sure you have your own room in order, so to speak.

 

[JonnyFantastico]

I guess you already know my opinion about these subject

I`m not against it but I can`t really say I approve it 100%. BUT! There are some exceptions and I know people fell in love online and met after months of talking on the net and big love stories started via internet. Like you and greekhot said... if it`s not possible for the 2 persons to meet in the near future, for me it`s not OK...it`s not OK because I`m a person who wants human contact, human touch...I need to see facial expressions when I talk with someone, I need to see gestures so I understand where everything is going. People lie online. They say something and when you actually meet them, they`re different. Maybe not much but it`s always less than you expected or thought it will be like. Been there, done that...When you talk online and the person tells you: I`m lazy, I don`t do laundry, I don`t cook, I don`t do that and that and I don`t know what else, you`re OK with it because it`s online, the crush is big and the feelings are on fire but when you actually meet and you start to think about the things you talked online ...those things are not that "I don`t care" anymore. You start thinking something like: hmmm..what if I`m gonna live with him/her? He/she doesn`t do laundry, no cooking...is lazy...what will I do? Work for both of us and when coming back I have to cook, do the laundry, wash the floors, wipe the dust ...but LOVE is big? Nah...That`s why somehow I think it`s better ...the actual "meet" first and only after that the feelings and all

And I know I talk rubbish but that`s me...and what I wrote is something that happened to me with some one I met online and we did meet eventually and things were different ...

I never said you talked rubbish! I appreciate your comments.

But here's my argument against that: not EVERYONE is a liar or a bad person online.

Yes, a lot of people who have access to a computer have a tendency to deceive others when it comes to falling for them. There are those who say whatever the other person wants to hear in order to get to the heart of a truly good person. It can suck something fierce, but it does happen.

But then, there's that other side you seem to be overstepping quite a bit, even if you attempted to mention it: there are those who are not only looking for companionship and love online, but they are truly honest and forthcoming in everything they feel and want in another person. You can't always look to a negative point when it comes to matters of the heart, because in the end; you could possibly lose out on something great, but you believe what you believe and that's more than fine.

Also, re: your point on people saying things they don't do: there's a popular quote by poet Maya Angelou: "If someone tells you who they are... believe them." Why would you readily fall for someone who would bring more stress and pain into your life than you already have. There's a difference between listening to your heart and being a complete fool and letting thoughts of "love" (because in this case, it isn't love) override everything your heart AND head is screaming out at you.

And trust me; everyone wants touch, eye contact, actual feelings... that would eventually be the reward of meeting a truly genuine person and having something special with them. You make it sound like it would NEVER happen and yet, in the same stroke; you mention that it is possible that it could happen to others... that aren't you. You can't let one bad apple spoil the box, Jamie or you could possibly end up alone... and I'm not just referring to online love, either. But I'm sure you knew that.

 

[JonnyFantastico]

Ritsuka, I have to agree with you on a LOT of what you've said (like the brain on you!). I totally agree that it is really good meeting online because words can speak more than that first meeting can ever do. You can learn so much about a person (if they're hopefully being truthful) with what they say. Also, considering the fact that I love to write, it does help with getting my thoughts and feelings so much clearer out there than the common gab (although, I'm good at that, too :thumbs up: LOL).

I'm sorry you went through that a-hole at first and the other guy not wanting to change his ways for the second time; it does happen that way (not always online, of course). It really can hurt a lot when you get to know someone by expressing these words through internet lines (sometimes, they can be as strong or even stronger than a face-to-face conversation because of all of the emotion and wanting they involve), but there is always that "what if" and the hope of something a bit more happening... and in some cases, actually meeting and giving it a go.

 

[ERICOOL85]

it does ive met some of my bestest friends online, and i even had a romance with one ^^, sadly nothing is forever but i really like having friends, and boyfriend online, its very fun, and i know many people lie, but i think it can also be really honest and neat

 

[ritsuka]

Ritsuka, I have to agree with you on a LOT of what you've said (like the brain on you!). I totally agree that it is really good meeting online because words can speak more than that first meeting can ever do. You can learn so much about a person (if they're hopefully being truthful) with what they say. Also, considering the fact that I love to write, it does help with getting my thoughts and feelings so much clearer out there than the common gab (although, I'm good at that, too :thumbs up: LOL).

I'm sorry you went through that a-hole at first and the other guy not wanting to change his ways for the second time; it does happen that way (not always online, of course). It really can hurt a lot when you get to know someone by expressing these words through internet lines (sometimes, they can be as strong or even stronger than a face-to-face conversation because of all of the emotion and wanting they involve), but there is always that "what if" and the hope of something a bit more happening... and in some cases, actually meeting and giving it a go.

Johnny, yeah, sharing words about your feelings, your life with someone else online can equate a very high level of intimacy and connection--whatever the outcome otherwise. I really like the Maya Angelou quote you cited above--listening to someone when they tell me who they are is definitely something I practice. And thanks, those were very frustrating experiences, but I'm over that now.

 

[iFairylicious]

I have some good online friends but never have gotten a boyfriend out of everything have tried it in the past and hasn't gone over all that well. Actually have tried some online dating sites and might bring something yes i know i need to be careful haha.

 

[Squallmuzza]

I've never actually done the whole 'get together online' thing. I've tended to spark the interest off there, and then bring it into the real world. But some of them have been long-distance, so therefore involved some amount of online to them. It can be pretty hard, but overall, pretty rewarding if you find the right one.

My last ex Laurence in fact started with us being 100 miles away. It just so happened that I was commuting to work in the same-ish area that he lived at the time, and I'd already been talking to him for years (but we never had a chance to hook up as 1 or the other of us was always with someone at the time). And well, as I've widely doented, that was by far and large the best relationship, the best thing of my entire life. Only shitty cirstance has come in the way of it now.

In fact, most of my relationships have been spurred by something online, I really don't have the confidence usually to just stroll upto a guy and be like 'hey good looking, fancy a drink some time'. Only done that... maybe 3-4 times. I'd always pick it over a complete blind date (which I've been on to horrifying effect, seriously, the guy was obscenely... just no!) as you have a fair measure of what they look like and who they are.

Now, I've kinda gotten into the habit of it, and I've sorta picked up a little stock of guys I've flirted with over the years, sorta a vague online friendship circle with a view for promotion XD. But I guess I look for the same qualities in a friend as I do in a boyfriend, so therefore it's some kind of online relationship again right there. Just with a view to move into the real world when/if we hit it off.