Porn-addiction destroys you!

[caesar]

Hey guys,
I'd just like to briefly introduce myself to you as I have not posted anything here so far (at least I think so). I am one of the oldest members of this Forum, I already joined in 2008. I was 17 back then. Before I joined here I had various other gay porn sites that I visited daily since my age of 13.
My whole sexual development was accompanied and influenced by an excessive consumption of gay porn of all genres.
Although I had a lot of good sex in real life as well and enough offers for relationships I was never really satisfied and kept searching for more. Of course I blame it on my porn-addiction. I regret many decisions I made due to my constant unsatisfiedness, because I hurted a lot of people with that. I was a superficial asshole.
Today I chose to break with my habits as I do not want to live like that anymore. It's taking too much time of my life and affects the way I'm thinking about other people in a bad way (just talking to guys with potential sixpacks and big dicks instead of friendly guys and so on ...).
I deleted my whole porn archive today, which was ... I don't want to lie ... really really hard. I didn't want to let go of all the good memories. But in fact they are not good memories. They are witnesses of many lonely times and the destruction of my ability to feel joy. So I think it was the best thing I could do, and I hope in the future I will be able to resist the temptation. I even had backups. I deleted everything and now I will delete my profile here as the final step, but didn't want to go without telling you my story and maybe make you think a little bit.
Additional I'd like to recommend you this web page: http://anon.projectarchive.net/?http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/
It shows the effects of porn consumption on your brain.

Wish me luck to not fall back!
Lots of love to all of you

caesar

 

[warp9]

Funny thing is, I've deleted my whole porn archive yesterday - but I will not delete my profile here.

With porn it is the same thing like all the others : do not exaggerate.

GH is not for porn only, as you might know. We have a lot areas for talking, sharing youtube-vids, discussing, etc. So maybe there's no need for deleting your profile ?

Give it a thought. Maybe just sometimes allow to rest - But it is of course your decision

 

[Machor]

I'm not here for porn! I love to check out Celebs section, games, entertainment and funny stuff, general talks and many more!
If u believe me I don't have even 1 Kb of porn in my computer! When I need porn I'm watching streaming videos! Tnxxx to our streamers!
This site is not all about porn, more important are the great people here who are same as you!

 

[Shelter]

Sorry - but are you sure that you are not writing from a "christian" re-education bootcamp?
I'll understand deeply the statement of your post - so that too much from this or that or whatever may be dangerous - but......but for me your post sounds a little bit as if you have not written it freely; as if someone has compelled you!

 

[skinjo9]

Hi ceasar, I find your post extremely interesting.
I too have been a member of this forum for a long time, since 2009 in fact. I have chatted over the years with some very articulate, clever, sincere and really nice people on here. I too think that porn does indeed get addictive. it has for me certainly. my partner of 16 years still cant understand why i keep such a huge collection of porn and want to add to it every day as i do.

The answer is the excitement of what your eyes are going to see new next. its a bit like Christmas morning opening your pressies when a child. hehe.
But seriously, it is not good to constantly search for porn, you lose valuable time with your partner, who drifts away from you, as you are not paying any attention to him.
Then the fear of being able to satisfy him comes along with ED problems running behind that, and the whole situation breaks down.
This week I have considered my life as it was, is, and want it to be in the future,and have decided to destroy 90% of my collection as i am bored with it. only keeping the very best favorites of mine that always make me bust in 10 mins. that way I intend to devote 75% of my time to my partner and once a week treat myself on the computer.
It will be like eating a cream cake, enjoy but be careful or you get fat syndrome.
I really think, however, ceasar that destroying your profile here is a bit like throwing the baby out with the bath water. stop searching porn by all means, but keep a valuable link with like minded and very caring people who can often offer a few gems of wisdom that have been gained sometimes at a great loss to themselves, but still share with all.

Whatever you decide to do, take care and don't let people own,or coerce you in any way. your gay, proud and an individual xxx skinjo9

 

[W!nston]

The link you shared in the OP is interesting and the resource is valuable. Everyone is susceptible to addictions of one sort or another. The axiom 'All Things In Moderation' is a lesson learned through life experiences not academics. I think you learned that lesson before you came upon that site. You just didn't realize you had learned it

My obsession/addiction with porn isn't purely sexual. I don't masturbate to every pic or video. In fact I only do it once a day at the most but I view a lot more erotica than that. I enjoy the male body. Those male bodies I find attractive are the most beautiful things in the world to me. If I were to destroy all of the beauty I've found over the years it would not be a great loss because I would still have my eyes to see men everywhere. Beautiful men in public and in private would still be mentally undressed by my mind's eye.

Porn isn't only about sex. It's about seeing beautiful male bodies as nature's expression of artistic beauty.

So, good luck on your journey through life. I think you will find there are many lessons yet to learn. When looking for love listen to your heart first then your eyes.

Sniffit

ps - caesar... have a look at these vintage Bob Mizer videos that show no full nudity only beautiful bodies:

posts 146 & 147 specifically...

http://www.gayheaven.org/showthread.php?p=2110727#post2110727

 

[W!nston]

Sorry - but are you sure that you are not writing from a "christian" re-education bootcamp?
I'll understand deeply the statement of your post - so that too much from this or that or whatever may be dangerous - but......but for me your post sounds a little bit as if you have not written it freely; as if someone has compelled you!

Such an astute observation, Shelter! There may some truth to what you sensed.

:big hug:

 

[gb2000ie]

Folks - don't tell an alcoholic he is wrong to leave the bar!

If you have an addiction, you CAN'T do moderation, that's what it means to be addicted!

People get addicted to all kinds of things. That does not mean those things are inherently bad, or to be avoided. But addicts should avoid the thing they are addicted to.

I enjoy a glass of wine every now and then. I can go out for ONE drink. Alcoholics can't. If an alcoholic says "I'm leaving the bar", for goodness sake don't try to talk them out of it!!!

caesar - it sounds like your relationship with porn had gotten very negative, so you are 100% right to leave. I wish you the very best of luck.

Before getting too preachy though - do bear in mind that most of the people here have a very different relationship with porn than you do. We're not all victims in need of saving any more than every person who ever goes to a bar is an alcoholic in need of saving.

B.

 

[Dendood]

I'm three foot two.

My hands are hairy as fuck.

And I can't see a damned thing.

---Damn you, Connor McGuire (and your beautiful, seductive cock!)

 

[Otage]

Any addiction can destroy you. Consideration is the key, cause anything can become an addiction.

I'm glad you have faced and admitted yours, and are getting taking steps to free yourself from it. I wish you good luck! And when the hardest part is over, your quality of life will improve tremendesly. Enjoy your all ready begun freedom

 

[Dendood]

To be fair there are some serious points of discussion to be had in this thread. It is possible for a person to fall victim to all sorts of addictions. Porn being one. And the true measure of an addiction is generally seen to be the degree to which the activity compromises living a normal life. That I can live with.

However, I did not follow the link concerning the effect of porn on my brain. When I was younger, living in a society that felt comfortable and free to call me a fag, deny me rights, withhold opportunities in the work place, housing and worship. (Much of which remains the case.) The 'effect' of porn was it helped call all their perceptions of me -A LIE.

The whole notion of gay men as sad, effeminate sub humans doomed by a twisted, immoral life style was laid to lies by the visual truth of my watching gay MEN, physically strong, attractive gay men have sex. And not the sad, hidden in dark corners, closeted sex. But out, proud and realizing their potential as human beings worthy of happiness, love and physical intimacy that could not be reduced to a vice or perversion. That is the 'effect' porn had on my brain. It demonstrated to me that I could be me.

And even as I've come to realize dreams of love and commitment and equality in our community far beyond my wildest dreams as a youth -What? Me, married?!- porn has had another balancing, sobering affect to protect me from the vagaries of "normal" society: the endless portrayals of man on man violence that is rampant in every other form of 'entertainment' in this society.

One can watch men stab men, beat me, shot me, throw them off rooftops, into compactors, you name it. Day in, day out and no one gives the slightest glance or thought to what all that 'carnage porn' does to the brain.

So every now and then I like to balance out all that heterosexual man on man horror the world is so comfortable with, with a nice little clip of two men being passionate for each other.

It so helps me clear my head of all that 'junk.'

So to the issues of YOUR addiction, I'm more than happy to have a civil conversation. But as for that link, you're more than welcome to follow it to YOUR hearts content.

As a friend I had in college was want to say: "Knock yourself out."

I would sooner burn tapes of your average hetero TV show than burn or delete my porn.

Connor, you're safe with me. I might 'hit on you', but I would never hit you, dude. You're too beautiful for that shit.

 

[Shelter]

To be fair there are some serious points of discussion to be had in this thread. It is possible for a person to fall victim to all sorts of addictions. Porn being one. And the true measure of an addiction is generally seen to be the degree to which the activity compromises living a normal life. That I can live with.

However, I did not follow the link concerning the effect of porn on my brain. When I was younger, living in a society that felt comfortable and free to call me a fag, deny me rights, withhold opportunities in the work place, housing and worship. (Much of which remains the case.) The 'effect' of porn was it helped call all their perceptions of me -A LIE.

The whole notion of gay men as sad, effeminate sub humans doomed by a twisted, immoral life style was laid to lies by the visual truth of my watching gay MEN, physically strong, attractive gay men have sex. And not the sad, hidden in dark corners, closeted sex. But out, proud and realizing their potential as human beings worthy of happiness, love and physical intimacy that could not be reduced to a vice or perversion. That is the 'effect' porn had on my brain. It demonstrated to me that I could be me.

And even as I've come to realize dreams of love and commitment and equality in our community far beyond my wildest dreams as a youth -What? Me, married?!- porn has had another balancing, sobering affect to protect me from the vagaries of "normal" society: the endless portrayals of man on man violence that is rampant in every other form of 'entertainment' in this society.

One can watch men stab men, beat me, shot me, throw them off rooftops, into compactors, you name it. Day in, day out and no one gives the slightest glance or thought to what all that 'carnage porn' does to the brain.

So every now and then I like to balance out all that heterosexual man on man horror the world is so comfortable with, with a nice little clip of two men being passionate for each other.

It so helps me clear my head of all that 'junk.'

So to the issues of YOUR addiction, I'm more than happy to have a civil conversation. But as for that link, you're more than welcome to follow it to YOUR hearts content.

As a friend I had in college was want to say: "Knock yourself out."

I would sooner burn tapes of your average hetero TV show than burn or delete my porn.

Connor, you're safe with me. I might 'hit on you', but I would never hit you, dude. You're too beautiful for that shit.

Dendood - a really heartwarming appeal. I hope many here will read your post and most of all Ceasar! :thumbs up::thumbs up::thumbs up:

 

[ihno]

Yes, I guess that website is made by Crazy Christians!

The new version of "masturbating ruins your back". Now it's "masturbating/highspeedporn changes your brain!"

What's the definition of "change"? Isn't the brain changing constantly? There is no constant state in the brain, otherwise we would not be alive.

I have checked the first study of the "brain porn site".

You also read stuff like that: "Overstimulation of the reward circuitry—such as occurs with repeated dopamine spikes related to viewing pornography - creates desensitization"

Very impressive. Let me translate that into english: Porn gets boring after a while, guys.

I have no problem to believe that and I never thought otherwise.

They have also found out that people, who never watched porn and watch it, get stimulated more, than usual porn consumers. WOW! Also here: Where's the news?

It has been said before here: you can get addicted to a lot of different things, subtances etc.

In most cases it's not the "fault" of the things. There are often deeper problems that lead to the addiction and to get rid of the addiction you have to face those deeper problems, which even goes for many highly addictive drugs.

So I think that people who have a problem with "porn addiction" might confuse the source and the symptom, in a way that they use porn as a tool.

This I also found interesting:
http://anon.projectarchive.net/?htt...tray/201307/your-brain-porn-its-not-addictive

 

[haiducii]

GH is not for porn only, as you might know.

This site is not all about porn, more important are the great people here who are same as you!

I agree with you guys. GH is much more than a porn forum!

 

[topdog]

...Very impressive. Let me translate that into english: Porn gets boring after a while, guys...

I think your observation is true.

And most people will walk away when it gets boring, so the system is kind of self-regulating. You watch it when it is most stimulating, then you take a break for while.

However, the addicted person won't walk away. Just like the gambler feeding coins in to a slot machine, they will keep going chasing that little burst of euphoria that they are sure will come with the next play... or the next... or the next. They won't be put off by a negative result; they will "double down" and keep at it until they find good feeling that they need.

Another component of addiction that hasn't been mentioned yet is that chasing the next high is only the symptom. Addictions are all employed to avoid feeling bad. They allow a person to push away the pain of depression, failure, guilt, mourning, or low self-esteem and ignore all those feelings.

Which is why ultimately it is those issues that have to be faced, once the "drug of choice" is under control.

 

[ihno]

Another component of addiction (...)

Yes, I agree to what you write.

And yet another thing...

Some of those christian sites give their readers the impressen as if they were talking about physical addiction, but it's not physical, it's pychological. I think they do that on purpose.

 

[Shelter]

Yes, I agree to what you write.

And yet another thing...

Some of those christian sites give their readers the impressen as if they were talking about physical addiction, but it's not physical, it's pychological. I think they do that on purpose.

I totally agree with these words! It is my deep conviction that Ceasars words are not written by himself and by his free will. I think too that behind his words you can feel a deep loneliness and sadness.

I hope so much I'll be wrong! :worried:

 

[W!nston]

After re-reading Caeser's original post I realize how young he is. If he joined in 2008 at a young age (which I will not repeat, lol) and this is 2015 he would be in his mid 20's today.

I have to remind myself how different things were during my teens and early adulthood. There was no easy access to porn or even nude male photos for that matter. My first trip to an Adult bookstore 25¢ arcade was when I was 18. Before that the only dick pics I saw were in Playgirl magazine or similar.

Other than that I had to rely on group showers, skinny-dipping, sleep-overs with friends and the like. My imagination filled in the rest, lol.

This led to me taking a lot of chances with guys in real life. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't. I developed a certain 'gaydar' sense of who might be interested and who definitely would kick my as if I tried, lol. A lot of interpersonal skills were required. I had to make friends with people to get to know them BEFORE any fooling around could be possible. Even then I ran the risk of losing new friends if I misjudged their interests. I had to be very social and very careful.

If I had access to all the porn now during those early years of development I think I would see things similar to how Caesar describes his own difficulties finding someone to love.

I think he is trying to make changes to better his social skills. I have no doubt he is being influenced by people with motives other than his best interests. But he is trying and he did post this thread. I think he is asking for help. He needs some reassurance and some guidance. He's such a young man. I'm glad he turned to us for help.

Caesar, if you read this, I hope you will not stop visiting us here. Yes there are temptations here but there is also a lot of good men and women here who will listen and give you words of wisdom they have earned through hard knocks in real life.

When you feel an itch you can come here to scratch it. Some of us old timers don't want anything from you other than friendship and to offer tales of our own mistakes and successes.

Don't pull the plug on a valuable resource such as this forum

Sniffit

 

[Otage]

I agree with you Sniffit, but I also agree with gb2000ies comment about not stopping the alcoholic from leaving the bar. There are lot of temptations, but it could come handy to keep the account if some questions arise. But brolly not the place to come, especially if feeling bored... Masturbating to porn is so easy freetime activity And yes, Gheaven is much more than porn, but it has so huge amount of easy accessing and good porn for any mood and likes.

 

[gorgik9]

If caesar is fed up with porn, I don't have any problem with that, and of course I fully agree with haiducii, machor and warp9 that GH is so much more than just a gay porn forum.

But it IS a gay porn forum, and downloading juicy gay porn was the reason why I became a member. I really don't have any problem with gay porn imagery and the worst problem with much gay porn is, that it's so damn boring now and again.

What I have problems and pretty big problems with is all the addictive rhetoric of addiction and all the pseudo-scientific rhetoric of brain damage, which - as ihno writes about in this thread - isn't much more than updated and modernized versions of good old christian fear and hatred of desire and the "nice" 18th century discourse of the extreme health dangers of masturbation.

I found ihno's link to a science blog post on porn not being addictive very worthwile, and I also very much agree with Dendood's brilliant post in this thread!