Re-entering the dating world: My life so far....

[jw4833]

Hey Guys:

First of all before I get into my discussion post, I just want to take a moment to thank you guys who have taken the time to respond to my previous posts. I am truly appreciative and grateful. This weekend will be a difficult one for me because it is the fifth year anniversary of my partner's untimely death. I have to say though that within the last couple of years, I've been able to deal with this a lot better than the previous years which I am so thankful for the growth I've achieved in this area although I do miss Michael so much. Getting back into the dating world has had a lot of high and low areas to say the least but I guess that's to be expected. I have to admit that when I reflect back on some of these dates or guys that I've met...I have to laugh so therefore...they do provide a lot of comic relief.

I was talking to my cousin last night and we were discussing the dates/guys that I've met over the past few months and how the majority of them came off as being very arrogant, conceited which I found surprising since I do not come off in that manner at all. This one guy in particular swore that because he was so attractive that he was God's gift to the world and guys should be grateful that he approaches or show them any interest. He got really pissed at me because I was not like the previous guys that he has met. In other words..I did not pursue him the way he is accustomed to. The thing is that he was so annoyed with me that he stopped speaking to me altogether.

However, over the past few weeks whenever I run into him...I can tell that he would like to start a conversation with me but is not man enough to do so due to his ego and therefore...he is waiting for me to break the ice because this is what guys have done and what he is so used to. One guy in particular is very nice, very cute and somewhat shy. He is in his middle 40's which is not a problem and initially...I was willing to take some interest in him until he had a guy that I do not know approach me at the local gym in regard to him having a crush on me and wanted him to find out if I had any interest in him. I was somewhat turned off by this because for him to be of a certain age...I expected him to do his own talking instead....also...I thought the approach was really juvenile for someone his age as well. In other words..I like a man to be a man and speak for himself.

Nonetheless...I did meet someone late last year whom I do have a connection with and enjoy being around. Unfortunately, he is going through something of a personal nature at this time, and since he has been very open and honest in regard to communicating with me...I decided to give him space to take care of his matter and although we still get together from time to time...I did open myself to date other guys just in case things do not work well with us to move our relationship or possible relationship to another level.

To be honest, once I decided to start dating again, I compared every guy to my late partner which was not fair to do. Although, I am still not comfortable with being in the dating world again, the up side of it is that I am very flattered that guys do find me appealing or interesting to pursue me whether its a good thing or bad. To conclude, I know I am rambling and I apologize for those who find this post to be of such...but the thing is that I will still move forward and just take each day one step at a time. I am not the type that goes out looking for someone...I go out for fun and to dance...if someone comes along out of the blue..then I take that as a good thing. Also, I feel that Michael is looking over me and making sure that the right guy comes into my life at the right time...just my belief. Thanks again guys...JW

 

[Otage]

Definetly know those 'god's gift to world guys'... Seems always like they have nothing else to give to world than their ass:rofl: And that's the only reason I ever wanna have anything to do with them, if I do, depends always on cirstances.

Dating can be hard, brolly even more if you compare them to someone whom you really loved, and your love ended too soon. But you are not looking for replacement, but getting to know totally new people, have fun, and maybe if someone turns out to be something more Or at least that's how I personally try to go. Don't wanna blindly fall in love, give trust that isn't earned, and then see my heart fall. I wish us both good luck

 

[jw4833]

Definetly know those 'god's gift to world guys'... Seems always like they have nothing else to give to world than their ass:rofl: And that's the only reason I ever wanna have anything to do with them, if I do, depends always on cirstances.

Dating can be hard, brolly even more if you compare them to someone whom you really loved, and your love ended too soon. But you are not looking for replacement, but getting to know totally new people, have fun, and maybe if someone turns out to be something more Or at least that's how I personally try to go. Don't wanna blindly fall in love, give trust that isn't earned, and then see my heart fall. I wish us both good luck

Thank you so much Otage...and I do truly wish you the best of luck...I got your back!!!!!!:big hug:

 

[Dendood]

I cannot speak for anyone other than myself, so the observations and feelings I have are simply my own. Mileage varies for each unique individual....

My 'experience' has taught me there are men to whom I am attracted. But that is not enough. A smaller few who have been attracted to me, but that is not enough. A smaller subset still where attraction was there but not quite equal, or not quite 'right' for whatever reasons on either side. The number of men "I" could be with, true 'partners' is small. I dare believe in a lifetime, it will only happen once or twice in life. Maybe even a third time... but a true partner is, will be, rarer than gold.

That means, including myself, my world comes down to maybe 3, or at best 5. So what does one do with or about the other 6,000,000,000 souls? Why so many when I only need one? Why so many who make my heart jump, swoon at their many traits? Why so many when it only leaves one sitting in a room of 20, or 100, or 1,000... where their presence makes one feel MORE alone just by being in the company of so many, who somehow don't fit, frack the reason 'why.'

Even as you slog the stream to find that other one, you still have to interact with the stream of thousands of others who pass through your life. And the art of it, I think, is to find an understand within one's self.... and figure out a way to make those other contacts, or at least some of those other contacts meaningful, valuable, pleasurable despite the fact they aren't mean to be the one.

Not easy work. I'm reminded of the Joni Mitchell on the topic...."I'm looking for affection, some respect, a little passion and you want stimulation, nothing more -that's what I think, but you know I'll try to be there for you when your spirit starts to sink."

The many are not our partners. But they are an opportunity to share, intimately share in our common experience of being alive, in a body that desires, in this stream of billions doing the same. It's the same game as 'partnering', but a different game all the same.

It is very possible to meet someone and know straight up nothing is there.... and still have a pocket of interaction that makes you laugh, forget the time and worries, enjoy the brief bond. Be it sex, or a long walk, or a shared experience. It doesn't have to be garbage time just because they aren't 'the one.' One can have a pocket of finding love without ever being someone's partner. Without even having sex. -It gets confused with sex. Gets confused with attraction, attractiveness, likes, dislikes....

The trouble is we're complex. They are complex. We worry. Have fears, insecurities. We try for a partner then punish each other when it isn't something that was never meant to be.

And I write this KNOWING I'm really bad at it. I bolt and run at the first sign of trouble. And I generally assume the worst. I am imperfect. But that doesn't mean I don't try.
I've grown better at knowing there's no need to blow up the relationship simply because 'you and I' aren't meant to be.

It seems a tragic waste to be at war with 8,000,000,000 people simply because they aren't one of the 4.


Side bar,

Someone once wrote that in the early formation of gay communities, before AIDS, before the outrageous notion of marriage equality, that gay men felt they were "in a relationship" with a community of men. Not just one. And that was the driving dynamic for gay men having so many partners.

There was truth in that. The memory of it seems like much simpler times compared to now.

 

[fatty]

Hey,

I empathize with you because I haven't found anyone since my guy died also and while he is and always will be irreplaceable I have come to realize that others have their own good qualities. I'm fussy to - not so much in the looks sense but he has to have certain qualities and has to be patient and not want to rush things. A major turnoff is when they go on about looks. I'm not interested if they are fatter and uglier than I am just be yourself, have a laugh and don't moan all the time as if life is an orgasm.