Relationship and Anal Sex ??

[Jockuser24]

:?:?An EXERT from QC Blog:?:?
"A Situation Shared By Many"

Hi QC, :thinking::thinking:

I'm 26 and have been sexually active since 18, did the club scene for a few years and sexually tried most things during that period whilst I was "finding myself".

Now, after several long term relationships, I've settled down with my life partner (we've been together now for 2 years), we live together and everything is great apart from one part of our sex life.

I'm a Bottom but I hate anal sex! I've tried being a top, flex, etc but it doesn't work for me. I love cock, and I love my boyfriend - I worship his cock, his body, everything. And, he's definitely a Top only - he wants and needs anal sex but I just can't enjoy it.

Yes, I can do it - I'm ok with the mechanics of having anal sex, the douching, the preparations, etc and its not as though its even painful. I've practiced enough times with dildo's, etc and I've really tried to get into it when he's pounding me but for some reason I just can't stand it. It's not a case of not just enjoying it, I just really hate it for some reason but I don't know why.

I love being gay, I have no issues with that, I'm happy at work and out to family and friends, as far as I know I don't have any hang ups - apart from the anal sex thing. I can, of course, just "grin and bear it" for the sake of my boyfriend but I'm not sure even that's the right thing to do.

And I love having sex with my boyfriend too, we really do have a wonderful and regular sex life, its just this one aspect that I can't handle. It is, however, something that he really wants to do - and enjoys doing too. So even though I enjoy almost everything, I then start to tense up knowing what's coming and then have to go through with it.

I've discussed it with him, and even suggested we don't fuck at all - but he really didn't like the idea of that! Is there anyway that I can find a solution to this? I don't want to lose him over this (it's been one of the reasons of previous break ups), I know from talking with my other gay friends that not everyone is into anal sex, some couples don't do it at all (but some couples only do anal sex and nothing else).

It's such a shame as we are compatible on every other level and our relationship works so well together. We are a great "fit" in every aspect except this one thing and it's getting me down. Any way to resolve this? Will I ever learn to love and enjoy anal sex or is it something that I'm going to have to endure?

Thanks in advance!

QC Response:

Thanks for your question and concerns. You are right it saying that not everyone enjoys anal sex and that not every gay couple practice it too. The things is that we all enjoy and desire different things, so in that respect you are no different from anyone else. The key, of course, is finding a compatible partner with which to share your intimacy with, and I'm sure our readers here cover every spectrum of sex that can be imagined. It's very likely then that other readers have experienced the same issues as you and may well have found a solution or suitable compromise to this situation,..and if so....please share your wisdom and advice.

:heart::heart::heart:
​

 

[gb2000ie]

Is porn to blame for the myth that all gay couples engage in anal sex? My guess is that it probably is.

IMO, it's unhealthy if either partner is not enjoying sex, let alone one partner actively disliking sex! Couples have got to find what works for BOTH of them, and that may or may not include anal sex, and may or may not include toys of one sort or another.

B.

 

[tonka]

Porn has certainly enshrined the notion of the big dick top fucker, But it builds on simple genetics. That's what a cock evolved to do. To fuck.
There's a clear path with straits. The expected roles are clear. But gay men have two cocks in the bed...and endless possibilities.
If you try something and hate it, maybe you just have to practice. Gay sex is a skill that needs to be learned. But if you've done that and still hate it, don't do it. There's other ways to have fun in the bed.

 

[gb2000ie]

...
If you try something and hate it, maybe you just have to practice. Gay sex is a skill that needs to be learned....

Are you confusing gay sex with anal sex? Gay people have sex other than anal, and straight people have anal sex too. They are not synonymous!

B.

 

[topdog]

Also, it's simple physiology that for some guys getting fucked hits the spot and for others it's a miss. This has nothing to do with being gay or straight - it's just the way your insides are lined up.

Admittedly, when two tops who both like to fuck get paired together, some compromises have to be made. If the relationship is worth sustaining, then it's time to get creative. There are a whole lot of fun things on the gay sex menu besides fucking. (And, of course, there are also a lot of guys out there that would love to get fucked by two tops! So let your imagination run wild.)

 

[Urban]

IMO the letter writer has developed a psychological block to bottoming over time. This doesn't make his aversion any less real, but it could be a lesson for other guys; I believe it would have been possible to work this problem out earlier, but it might be too late now.

Yes, there are lots of other sexual activities, but the problem remains: there is one partner who loves anal sex and one who hates it. What if, no matter what they do, they can't find a way around this problem?

No one has mentioned one possible solution: allow the BF to fuck other guys; they could both agree on whatever ground rules are suitable to them both. Certainly this is not a great solution for most couples (I, for one, don't know if I could agree to it), but for the right people it could save the relationship. And in the long run it could help the letter writer overcome his aversion & possibly even learn to enjoy bottoming.

 

[charlietuna]

I can enjoy if my partner is very clean

 

[zeropolis79]

I've been bi for just over ten years and have had three boyfriends. The second of which was against anal sex (either fucking me or me fucking him). We tried it once but he disliked it that much, we never did it again but we didn't last long after that.

 

[michel21]

Hard to say anything about it, because you love him, and love and sex are very different things, but I think you two are not fully compatible.
Not saying you should break up, but it will be hard to find balance.
It's not about me, but , as it was mentioned, I am myself one that do not enjoy anal sex, but porn has made me believe I would like it, just to realize I dont.
Hope you can find your way to make it work.