Ridiculous questions after your Coming Out

[Shelter]

This is a report from a young german gay man (22) about his experiences after his Coming Out.
I've just read it in a paper and I'll try to translate it for you. I hope you will understand it.

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Ridiculous questions - what all you have to listen for after your Coming Out.

Many of you surely know how hard such an Outing can be! Yourselves are undertaken from your Outing to live more free and open - and that you will not anymore disguise yourself. I've been in the strong conviction that the most things will be much easier after it, but I've never thought that it will be so exhausting.

Since I've outed myself, constantly people are approaching me and want to talk with me only about my sexual intercourse. In the first moment it seems very nice, but it shouldn't be the main talking point. Especially if I would talk about it, most of them hastily would leave the room.

If I'm going to a party meanwhile they are turning to me and asking crude: "You are gay - how do you do it is it ok for you?" What shall I answer in that moment? "Yes it is really ok, I'll see admittedly everything through a pink veil, drinking only Hugo, but the sex is great!"

Honestly what shall such ridiculous questions? After all I don't ask heterosexual couples which one of them is the man and which one the women in their relationship and I know many where is some need for clarification. Why the most people believe that a human being is defined only through his sexual bias? It will be the values like honesty, persistence, fortitude and courage. Anyway these values you need to avow for.

On birthday parties whre I mostly know only the birthday boy, I'm known over the town and conversations everytime starts with the introduction: " You are the homo, aren't you?"

As well it wasn't very easy with the sports. In the locker room they mostly waited until I was ready and out of the locker room. Dear straight-boys, if one is gay it doesn't mean that he will jump on every guy who srews anything with a heartbeat. In the contrary - we too have a good taste.

It is clear to me that people will condemn things they don't understand, but nothing is with me what is not understandable.- On my side only there will be forever a man - and that is all.

So I haven't suggested my open and free life. I'm not at first a Homo - I'm at first and foremost a human being. Surely I lost some friends and I must swallow some precipitations, but nevertheless I'll never hide my homosexuality.

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This was the report of that 22 years old german gay-boy. Didn't you recognize some of that of your own story?

 

[gb2000ie]

I'll take it a step further - why even assume there is anal sex involved at all. Maybe there is no top nor bottom. Many gay couples don't practice anal sex at all.

B.

 

[jw4833]

I can relate to your post because I receive a lot of ridiculous questions/assumptions from some of the people who knows about my sexuality...I can't say all of them do this..but there are some who do bring this forth to me and a lot of their reasoning is the fact that I do not come across as the stereotypical gay person that they are accustomed to or heard about. I can recall when I received a large bouquet of roses from a guy while I was sharing a condo with my oldest sister and I still remember the look on her face when the delivery man had informed her that the flowers were for me. She sat there in silence, staring at me as if she was looking at disgust. Finally, she asked me how do I feel accepting a gesture from another male which is something that is looked upon as a gracious approach for a woman. This is when I had to "school" her on the fact that although I am not a "flower" person, I accepted graciously as she would and not because of her stupid assumption of this being applied to women because I don't think about this in that manner. Honestly, I tend to believe that when people ask these ridiculous questions or make idiotic assumptions, I come to the conclusion that many times these individuals have issues with accepting or embracing the gay culture. Like my sister, to this day, she still have huge issues with me and although I was her financial provider for a few years when her husband abandoned her and their children, she accepted and loved the fact that I stood by her during those years ...however, she did not accept me as a gay man.

When I was diagnosed with kidney disease and when I was raped ....my sister first of all with the health issue came to the conclusion that I had AIDS instead of kidney disease as well as other members of my immediate family. And when I was raped...she and others came to conclude that I deserved it and this was God's way of punishing me for being a gay man. To conclude, unfortunately, this kind of behavior will happen from time to time. However, with me...I do not try to be cordial or nice to these individuals if I'm approached with this ridiculousness...I come across forthright and blunt because I tend to believe that if you approach me with this behavior/actions, then be ready to accept the backlash.

 

[Shelter]

At first JW4833 I was shocked to read you have been raped. It never happened to me and I hope so very much it will never ever happen to me or to any other person. How you could overcome such a crime without any mental damage?! How you will be able to laugh?! - If you would be now in front of me I would hug you, please forgive me, but that's something I would do now!

As well I couldn't understand your family or most of all your sister. You have a kidney disease and your family is pointing with fingers to you and says you have AIDS as a punishment of God????? How often in this world the name of GOD will be misused!

And we are not living in the dark age but in the 21-Century. But this issue is today as well as evil as in the dark age. From time to time some little steps will happen to make the life easier for gays/lesbians. But in the heads of the ordinary people the dark age will live on and on right up to the own family. It's really horrible.

Some time ago I was asked by a man how I could fuck another man's ass or be fucked into my ass and I asked him back, do you have never fucked a girl into her ass. He looked at me and said - that's another kettle of fish altogether! Whow so simple!

 

[W!nston]

Most people speak without any thought given to what they are about to say. The most crude and vulgar things come out of their disgusting little mouths sometimes. I've been on the receiving end of vulgar questions about my sex life. Most often I asked the same or similar question in reply. That usually ends the conversation. I try not to cause a confrontation but sometimes I can't help myself. I regret arguing with idiots... most of the time... but sometimes I take pleasure in it, lol.

If a guy I find attractive asked me such a question I would probably blush and then tell him some titillating tidbit just for fun. Of course I would tease him about how hot he is and offer to show him rather than just talk about it. That would end the converstation usually, lol.

It's annoying when people assume all of us have sex lives so much more interesting than their own when the fact is the sex lives of Gay partners is about the same as that of str8 couples. So just tell them that.

My brother is funny. He thinks we have more fun than he has with his wife (wives over the years). He says it would be great to have sex with his best friend rather than a woman. He thinks it's all fun and games. And it is for the most part, lol.

jw4833... I know what you mean about helping sisters financially only to end up feeling taken advantage of later on. But I love them and their children. I always think how my parents must have felt raising all of us only to end up feeling taken advantage of in their later years when they needed us the most. I did what I could to help them but I cannot say the same is true for the others.

You mentioned how your sister thought your illness was due to AIDS. That is not surprising. Many people make the same connection. It's a horrible assumption to make. I was also appalled that she thought your rape was punishment that you deserved. That is a monstrous thing to say. You're a good man jw

 

[Shelter]

Most people speak without any thought given to what they are about to say. The most crude and vulgar things come out of their disgusting little mouths sometimes. I've been on the receiving end of vulgar questions about my sex life. Most often I asked the same or similar question in reply. That usually ends the conversation. I try not to cause a confrontation but sometimes I can't help myself. I regret arguing with idiots... most of the time... but sometimes I take pleasure in it, lol.

If a guy I find attractive asked me such a question I would probably blush and then tell him some titillating tidbit just for fun. Of course I would tease him about how hot he is and offer to show him rather than just talk about it. That would end the converstation usually, lol.

Sniffit, this behave I totally agree. I'll try it for myself as well. And you are right, very quickly such a redundant and stupid so called "conversation" ends at once! And sometimes I have to be rude as well to end that. :angry:

 

[jw4833]

At first JW4833 I was shocked to read you have been raped. It never happened to me and I hope so very much it will never ever happen to me or to any other person. How you could overcome such a crime without any mental damage?! How you will be able to laugh?! - If you would be now in front of me I would hug you, please forgive me, but that's something I would do now!

As well I couldn't understand your family or most of all your sister. You have a kidney disease and your family is pointing with fingers to you and says you have AIDS as a punishment of God????? How often in this world the name of GOD will be misused!

And we are not living in the dark age but in the 21-Century. But this issue is today as well as evil as in the dark age. From time to time some little steps will happen to make the life easier for gays/lesbians. But in the heads of the ordinary people the dark age will live on and on right up to the own family. It's really horrible.

Some time ago I was asked by a man how I could fuck another man's ass or be fucked into my ass and I asked him back, do you have never fucked a girl into her ass. He looked at me and said - that's another kettle of fish altogether! Whow so simple!

Thank you Shelter for your response....I'm not going to lie to you but initially...this behavior that I received not only from my older sister but my other siblings as well...and my mother (ten siblings in total) made me extremely bitter due to the fact that I was referred by my doctors to sign up for disability which took some time to get it started for me due to the fact that at that time..the state I live in was very backed up with their cases which caused a huge delay in approval. Therefore, during this time, I saw what I really meant to my family as a sibling/son and they were very vocal about their feelings towards me and decided not to help me in my time of need. In fact, after their true feelings were revealed, I did not hear from them during my two year wait. I was abandoned by "so-called friends" and a potential boyfriend at that time prior to all of this because once I shared with them that I had kidney disease, they all came to me and told me that they felt it would benefit them to end our friendship because they would not be able to deal with my sickness, yet alone if my death was near. Not to go into greater detail, I am a very private person and survived the best way I could as well as having a lot of faith in God and a lot of prayer. To conclude, sometimes now, I do wonder back to that time and I am still amazed at how I've made it through and I am still standing. I am a very strong individual because of this "dark time" in my life and the bitterness is gone due to extreme therapy that I've endured because I did become a manic depressive individual. I have forgiven my siblings and I did forgive my mom before she passed away. Now...just because I forgave them does not mean that I have dinner with them or attend any family events with them. My outreach of forgiveness towards them was for my benefit/closure on the situation...not theirs. I even made the attempt to reach out to the guy who raped me to forgive him...unfortunately, the person at that time that had a connection to him since he had moved away after that incident..refused to contact him on my behalf. So I sought closure in prayer on that situation. To conclude, these horrible situations have made me more aware of my situations and the people that I bring into my environment/surroundings and also what I find really astounding is that those individuals and doctors that are aware of my "dark period" are very dumbfounded when I'm in their presence because you cannot sense or tell from my outer appearance that I've endured that kind of pain. Nonetheless, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. One more thing...I have been approached by several straight guys who knows that I'm gay and they have proposed that anal question towards me. However, under the influence of alcohol...every one of them had revealed to me how they thought a lot about engaging in anal sex with me and wouldn't mind trying it out with me because they know I would keep it between us....Go Figure!!!!:rofl:

 

[Shelter]

JW4833 you must be a very strong character to endure such an ordeal without any mental damage. When I read your last post I must cry really and as well my boyfriend, and he isn't a man who is weeping very often.

My God what a family - you are a son, a brother you are from the same blood! It is the most horrible story I've ever heard.

I hope so very much you will have a boyfriend at your side who is protecting you and your soul. My honestly prayers are with you!

I love you so very much for your courage to tell this tragic story. Please be strong and try to live your live as a free GAY man and hopefully with a good partner on your side!

My very deep love to you!!!!!

 

[jw4833]

JW4833 you must be a very strong character to endure such an ordeal without any mental damage. When I read your last post I must cry really and as well my boyfriend, and he isn't a man who is weeping very often.

My God what a family - you are a son, a brother you are from the same blood! It is the most horrible story I've ever heard.

I hope so very much you will have a boyfriend at your side who is protecting you and your soul. My honestly prayers are with you!

I love you so very much for your courage to tell this tragic story. Please be strong and try to live your live as a free GAY man and hopefully with a good partner on your side!

My very deep love to you!!!!!

Thank you so much Shelter....I really appreciate your very kind and thoughtful response to my post. Yes...I have become a very strong individual. There is not much that bothers or annoys me anymore...Pain and troubled times have taught me to not sweat the small stuff anymore. Since the passing of my partner four years ago...I have started dating over the past year. Of course, I have ran across some pieces of work to say the least...but I have not given up on opening myself up to find love again despite those setbacks. I am dating someone now whom I've met last year but did not pursue at the time because I was giving one of those "idiots" a chance who came at me so strong and so smooth that I almost fell for his game until I prayed to God one night to show me guidance if this is the guy for me...needless to say...things were revealed within a matter of a couple of days...haha..but this new guy and I have been going pretty strong but I am moving slow which he is fine with ...and I am really enjoying his company...thanks again Shelter...I hope by sharing my stories that someone who reads them become encouraged or inspired by them with the motivation for them to move forward with whatever they are going through....JW :cheers: