Should I talk to him?

[Z.C.]

There's this guy at my high school who, in my opinon, is my future husband. Like everything about this guy matches everything I'm looking for in a guy. We had a class together last year and I let him use my only pencil, in a sense I gave him wood lol, although he has a model girlfriend. And I've heard some negative things about him, anger issues, and since he's a football player most just thinks it's roid rage. But even though I don't know him I always stick up for him. Everytime I see him walking in the hallway I melt. Basically if he'd ask me to suck his dick in the hallway right then and there, I'd do it without a second guess. A-anyway, he's going out of state to play college football, we only have 2 weeks left for school, and I just want to chat with him ONCE to get to know him more, and hopefully be a close friend. With him I don't know what to say without saying I want to jump on his dick. Should I just be chill and see what happens? Or not and have a regret in my heart for the rest of my life?
PS: Here's some pics of him from his fb

 

[rj9teen]

I think you should...SLIP SLEEPING PILLS IN HIS DRINK, TIE HIM UP, THEN DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH HIM! :devil: Okay, on a serious note; You should do what you feel is right. There was a straight guy I thought was hot as hell, and the next school year he was in my drama class. We became friends, hung out, I saw his dick, we cuddled (after asking him nonstop) and even kissed him(of course, he was open minded, and that's the type of person I was 4 years ago). I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but you never know what will happen.

 

[topdog]

Well, that is definitely one hot guy, so I really understand why he makes your temperature rise.

But let me ask some questions here:

• Are you out? I know you have dreams of "happily ever after", but you can't start any kind of real relationship until you are confident enough to let him and the folks around him know that you are gay. You can't even really hit on him until you are out to him. If he doesn't yet know that you are gay, then that is bridge you have to cross first.
• Is he out? You mention that he has a girlfriend and that would imply that either he is straight, or he's still deep in the closet. Since I don't know anything about him, based purely on statistics there's an 80% chance that he is straight. (And that's being generous.) If he's in the closet then the first question above applies to him as well.
• What do you have in common? You know, there's probably a reason that the two of you haven't crossed paths during the school year. You weren't in the same clubs, activities, etc. You tend to make friends by doing things together. It sounds like his interests are not in the same area as yours. In that case, it will be hard to strike up a bond - especially in the last weeks of school.

There's no harm in striking up a conversation. Except for the fact that you melt every time you see him, which will make casual contact a struggle for you.

Did you ever see Finding Nemo? High school is like an aquarium. It seems like it's the whole world while you're there. This guy has captured your heart and there's no one else you want. I get that. But the fish tank is about to break wide open. The fact that this guy may be floating off somewhere else is no where near as significant as the fact that a whole ocean full of interesting people of all ages is about to flood around you in college or career.

Talk to him; don't talk to him - whatever feels right. Enjoy / suffer through the incredible attraction and dreams of what a life together might be. But know that you are about to be released into the big wide world where people like the same things you do and think you are really hot. Doesn't that sound like even better husband material?

 

[Haplo]

[*]Are you out? I know you have dreams of "happily ever after", but you can't start any kind of real relationship until you are confident enough to let him and the folks around him know that you are gay. You can't even really hit on him until you are out to him. If he doesn't yet know that you are gay, then that is bridge you have to cross first.

[*]Is he out? You mention that he has a girlfriend and that would imply that either he is straight, or he's still deep in the closet. Since I don't know anything about him, based purely on statistics there's an 80% chance that he is straight. (And that's being generous.) If he's in the closet then the first question above applies to him as well.

topdog already said everything about being out or not...
Yes, you can talk to him, nothing stopping you from that, even if you melt everytime you see him, it's still manageable, I'm talking from experience...
But honestly, would it be worth it? Also considering being out or not: even if you get him to be your friend, it's the last weeks of lessons and he's going to go out of state and you'll still be hot for him. Something happens with him but he'd still be going out of state, so...
You don't talk, or you talk but nothing happens, not even friendship, you may regret it but there will be many more hot guys around... (I'm an exception because I'm a gay guy in a 90% female faculty, but still there are some hot guys...)
Hope it helps...

 

[Z.C.]

Well, that is definitely one hot guy, so I really understand why he makes your temperature rise.

But let me ask some questions here:

• Are you out? I know you have dreams of "happily ever after", but you can't start any kind of real relationship until you are confident enough to let him and the folks around him know that you are gay. You can't even really hit on him until you are out to him. If he doesn't yet know that you are gay, then that is bridge you have to cross first.
• Is he out? You mention that he has a girlfriend and that would imply that either he is straight, or he's still deep in the closet. Since I don't know anything about him, based purely on statistics there's an 80% chance that he is straight. (And that's being generous.) If he's in the closet then the first question above applies to him as well.
• What do you have in common? You know, there's probably a reason that the two of you haven't crossed paths during the school year. You weren't in the same clubs, activities, etc. You tend to make friends by doing things together. It sounds like his interests are not in the same area as yours. In that case, it will be hard to strike up a bond - especially in the last weeks of school.

There's no harm in striking up a conversation. Except for the fact that you melt every time you see him, which will make casual contact a struggle for you.

Did you ever see Finding Nemo? High school is like an aquarium. It seems like it's the whole world while you're there. This guy has captured your heart and there's no one else you want. I get that. But the fish tank is about to break wide open. The fact that this guy may be floating off somewhere else is no where near as significant as the fact that a whole ocean full of interesting people of all ages is about to flood around you in college or career.

Talk to him; don't talk to him - whatever feels right. Enjoy / suffer through the incredible attraction and dreams of what a life together might be. But know that you are about to be released into the big wide world where people like the same things you do and think you are really hot. Doesn't that sound like even better husband material?

You do have some good points there, but i have a few good answers for that.

A- I am, but I don't say at the beginning of every conversation with a new person "I'm Bi." If they find out from me, or from someone else I don't have an obligation to tell them, I'm not a sex offender going door to door in a new neighborhood. I act pretty normal, dress normal, don't really act "gay". Besides I told the same kids I had in freshmen classes (now in senior) I was bi, whether or not they forget it, aint my problem.
B- Who knows, he could be. My friend who's got quite potent gaydar tells me he could be gay/bi. Now only if I can get her mom in there, she has super gaydar! She knew I was bi right when I walked through the door without me saying anything and all I wore was a black shirt with jeans. lol I'm not saying I could turn him but I could tempt him pretty fierce! haha
C- We do have similar interests, we both like sports, the same kinda music, and other stuff along the lines of that. We probably would be best friends if I did join the football team freshmen year so we could both be on the senior team, though due to some personal family issues I couldn't have the time. And the fact that our graduating class is literally the biggest one the school has seen, overcrowded in our classes. If we had more classes I'm sure we could've built a mutual friendship.

High school IS like an aquarium. I'm so ready to be done and get over with it ~X(. I know there's a high probability that this won't turn out to be anything but I want to atleast say I gave it my all. Whenever I think of him, the song Undisclosed Desires by Muse comes to my head all the time. But tbh most of the footballers on the team are homophobes. Fear in my heart thinks he's one of them...

 

[topdog]

You do have some good points there, but i have a few good answers for that...

Well, you are in the best position to judge, so plot your course and go for it.

On the subject of coming out - I'll just throw out my point of view here. (This is not advice, just my experience.)

I have found that coming out is not a one-time event, but an everyday process. I find myself constantly dropping the information that I am gay into conversations with new people. I am not "advertising". It just naturally comes up.

The problem is that everyone assumes that we are straight. We live in a hetero-centric culture and it just doesn't even enter into most people's heads that a person would be anything other than straight.

So here's how it goes: I am introduced to someone. They ask me if I am married - a normal small-talk getting-to-know-you safe social question. I know that they are assuming that I am straight. If I remain vague and say "No, but I'm living with someone", they are very likely to follow up with "What's her name?" or "How did you meet her?", or some other variation, that is going to take us down the heterosexual assumption path.

How awkward is it going to be if they learn later from a friend that I am actually gay? They will be embarrassed that they kept asking about "her", and probably a bit miffed that I let them blather on and never corrected them.

My goal is to save them from that social faux pas, and drop in the gay information as soon as the subject comes up, so they can chat with me using the correct pronouns and not be cringing later. So, I chime in with something like "No, I'm not married, but my boyfriend and I have been together for seven years." Just like that - no big deal. They brought up the subject of spouses, and I got them off the wrong track and on to the right one without putting them on the spot in any way. I take responsibility for the fact that they have made an incorrect assumption; I don't put the responsibility on them to just know, or find out on their own.

Every single time I have found that people take their comfort cues from me. If I am confident with myself and matter-of-fact about it, then they know that they can be comfortable with it. Some may choose not to pursue that line of questioning any more, but that's OK, too. I'm not shoving anything in their face. I let them decide where to go with the information.

This has the positive political side effect that they now know one more person who is gay. Polls show that the single biggest factor in whether someone is favorable to gay issues is whether or not they know someone who is gay.

But as I said - this is not advice, just food for thought for the future. You are young and just getting your footing in the world. You will find the way that works for you, and you will get there one step at a time.

All the best - and congratulations on your upcoming graduation!