The afternoon attack

[nikon5241]

My son recently began identifying himself as gay and I am fine with that as long as he continues to be truthful with himself. He is nearly fourteen and may still be trying to work out the details. Either way, his mother, stepfather, and I are here for him regardless of what he chooses. Four days ago he was across the street with a small group of his friends when another group of older boys approached them which ultimately led to my son being attacked by one of them. He suffered only minor injuries and is well on the mend by now. However, he has come to us with a strong desire to skip grades in High School, where he is currently enrolled, and attempt to graduate years ahead of when he actually should.

Here lies the predicament and opposing opinions between his mother and I. She wants him to continue along in order to gain the "High School experience" but I am advocating his advancement at whatever pace he feels he is capable of. He is extremely advanced, almost scary smart, and I am sure he can graduate from College by the time he is 21 with no trouble at all. He has returned to school with no further incidents from the attack so I am now left with his request for advancement.

I understand the benefits of continuing through and gaining the experience, friendships, and bonds that will last for years to come but I also feel his frustration with going to school every day being bored for hours on end. What do you think? Should I encourage his educational advancement, maintain his current scheduling in order to go through the motions of being in school, or maybe I am overlooking something altogether? He has always been gifted and knows exactly what he wants but I am afraid of holding him back just to gain experience that may or may not be beneficial in the following years. Any advice for this parent at odds? Thanks everyone!!

 

[bigsal]

Hello nikon5241 and thank you for sharing with us this thing.

I'm not the right person to give advice on this subject, also because I have no experience in this regard.

However you have already made an important step, posing the problem to other people (in this case the forum), where there may be someone who has gone through this difficult path, such as paternity.

Continue on this road and compared with other people, in the hope that you find the right answers and good advice.

 

[bluefish22]

You and the other members of your family are really the only ones who can make this decision though I'm partial to letting people advance at their own paces whether that be a bit behind or a bit ahead of most other people. I'm in my mid-twenties now and didn't enjoy high school all that much. Part of why I didn't get much out of it (socially) was because I'm gay but part of it was due to other things as well. I never got picked on or beaten up or anything like that. Only my close friends and my (also very supportive/loving) family and a teacher knew I was gay and everyone else assumed I was straight (though if anyone had asked directly, I wouldn't have lied.) I didn't go to prom like my straight friends. I had mostly male friends but wasn't really as involved with them as I probably would have been if I were straight (again, nothing serious, there was a lot of talk/activity centered on girls at that age that I just wasn't interested in) and I pretty much stuck to my books and class. I ended up taking the academia route and it's been very rewarding for me. All in all, I found the college culture much more open and inviting (and intellectually stimulating.)

I understand the notion that the typical high school experience can be a valuable experience though high school can be a very different (not necessarily better or worse, just different) experience for gay youth and/or advanced students in a lot of places. This world is full of opportunity. There are amazing experiences to be had wherever you are. Your son will, especially with his academic talent and loving family, have the chance to enjoy a lot of great things in his life. I see no reason why the high school experience should take precedence over any other type of experience that could be equally valuable and personally fulfilling (or maybe even more so considering your gifted son's wants and needs.)

 

[cacc]

He should do what is right for him, the "highschool experience" is an overrated thing anyways.

 

[brmstn69]

Have you considered a compromise? Instead of skipping grades, find a school that is more challenging to him. There are a number of "Charter Schools" throughout the country that have more advanced curriculum's, are small in size, and generally more open minded. Many are also part of the public school system and low cost compared to private schools and many are among the top ranked schools in the country. Here in Evansville, In. we have the "Signature School" that focuses on arts and sciences.

http://anon.projectarchive.net/?http://www.signature.edu/

Not only is it the #1 rated high school in the mid-west and #7 in the entire nation, it also provides a unique school experience. The school is housed in an old hotel on the downtown walkway, there is no cafeteria, instead the students get vouchers to eat at nearby restaurants. I drive by there often and see students outside playing guitars, violins, etc. and even one kid juggling while riding a unicycle...

You may find similar schools in your area.

 

[lhardwick69]

whether it is in school or in the future when he is an adult--we as gay men have to put up with the assholes that think being gay is wrong--he is 14 so I am sure his buddies were near his age..

options to do for him is relating to school--if he goes to school and isn't happy and doesn't feel safe going to school then how is he to get his education--but then again staying in school will create a better mind for himself--the person that attacked him needs to be warned by teachers and other parents that his behavior will not be tolerated and if he does it again to him or others kids that other actions will be followed and done..


he needs to be strong--for him to skip classes this yr to move ahead to another yr--doesn't erase the hate--as hate is everywhere all ages--he needs to cope with it sooner or later in his life--the older guy that ganged up on him report to police and tell your son not everyone is accepting of us gay men and gay teens



but due to his age-if he were my son--I would do whatever he wanted to do but tell him doing it wont make it go away

 

[ritsuka]

You should let him do what he wants to do. Personally I made a similar decision in my own life, I wasn't getting the "high school experience" or intellectual stimulation I wanted, so I took an option to advance more quickly. There's a much better experience to have in college, imo. And I take it that he can always stop half-way if he changes his mind. If he isn't interested in being there, he won't have a great experience anyway.