To make you choose between friends and boyfriend?

[Otage]

So it's midsummer fest coming this weekend, and traditionally I would go to some cabin with group of old friends. I have usually been the only single there, and other people are straight couples.

Now this time I asked if I could bring my guy there (who I have now been seing over a month) and their reaction was pretty much "we want you there, without your boyfriend", even though they don't know him. And there have always been some quite random people too, so it's no excuse that they don't know him. And one of them also said, that he doesn't like us to be all over each other, adding that he doesn't wanna see that kinda syrappynes even in straight couples (which he has never ever asked any straight couple to avoid...) and that it has nothing to do with the fact that we are two guys.

Ofc we could go there, to prove them wrong, but I don't really wanna bring my guy to that kinda situation. I mean shouldn't it be, that my friends would wanna meet him and be happy for me? And we decided to spend the midsummer together, which I think is wonderfull.

But I just fear that am I choosing him over friends, distancing myself from them? Cause I wanna try with this guy, but I don't wanna loose my friends while trying. And they really care for me and are always there for me, and I was shocked about this. And now they are trying to guilt me into coming, and now they are saying that ofc my guy can come, just because they want me there. But I know that they truly want just me there. I mean I'm truly shocked at my friends. They can ask about my guys etc. but obviously they don't count them as the real deals...

So is this situation, that I'm choosing him over friends? I mean after all, I'm definetly gonna spend this midsummer with my guy. No chance of me going to the cabin after all this.

 

[W!nston]

I don't know your friends but I have a sense about who you are through reading your thoughts and ideas. I would be very proud to have you among my friends in the real world Otage.

If you count those people as friends I trust they are good people too. I think they are just being selfish and they fear the unknown like all of us. If it were me (and I know it's not me in the situation right this moment so I'm really just talking here so don't take it as the best advice) I would go and I would take your new beau. It will be fun for the two of you even if your friends might feel a little uncomfortable at first. After they see you two together and see what a good person he is (as you yourself have described him here on GH) I think the ice in your friends veins will thaw very quickly and they will see they had nothing to fear at all.

If on the other hand it is uncomfortable for you and your BF you can always make an excuse and leave early. But that won't happen (that's me being positive).

Good luck my friend!

Sniffit

 

[jw4833]

I remember going through something similar when my partner was alive with one of my favorite cousins at the time. She was very friendly with gay people and was known as a "fag hag". However, she invited me to dinner one evening and insist that I bring Michael because since she hasn't met him...she was dying to do so and therefore, arranged this little dinner for us. However, after arriving at her home and she saw us together and realized that he was very much in love with me because of the way he was talking and how affectionate he was towards me...she immediately got an attitude and her whole tone for the evening changed from bubbly to very subdued to say the least. It was so apparent that although I noticed it first hand...but Michael sensed it as well and whispered to me if everything was okay with her. I followed her into the kitchen and asked her if everything was okay and this is when she mentioned how uncomfortable she was with us being affectionate which was insane because all he did was grab my arm or put his arms around me...therefore, I was dumbfound. To make matters worst...she asked me to leave abruptly before serving dinner because she wanted me to choose over the two of them. I was so taken a back by her behavior that I was almost in tears all the way home because this was the person who introduced me to gay clubs and the gay culture. Nonetheless...I chose Michael and to this day...I never heard from her again and that's fine with me. However, I do think that if you cherish your friendships then perhaps you can take your man around them just for an appearance to "test the waters" so to speak and if you began to feel uncomfortable, then leave...Otherwise, I have to say that if your friends make you choose between them and you being happy with your guy then that says a lot to me...Sorry, I have to say it..but that doesn't mean you have to take my advice on this matter. I just feel that if you can deal with them by being the only single guy in their presence...I would think that they would be pleased to see that you have someone in your life and excited to meet him and support you as well...not have making you choose....honestly...real friends don't do that...I chose my partner over my cousin and her family whom I've adored and thought they loved me as well...and to this day...I know I made the right choice...but you have to follow your own path on this one...just giving my opinion....hope it all works out for you...you've come a long way and to let your friendships put a snag on your growth and happiness is a lot of nerve on their part in my opinion...there I go again...MY OPINION...LOL...take care...JW

 

[Otage]

We decided to spent time together, and I had dinner with few of those friends today, and said that we might pop in there some day during weekend. Now they seemed interested to meet him. Maybe their first reaction was bit too hasty. Thx for the input guys, it was nice to get some support from my friends here on the forum

 

[Shelter]

We decided to spent time together, and I had dinner with few of those friends today, and said that we might pop in there some day during weekend. Now they seemed interested to meet him. Maybe their first reaction was bit too hasty. Thx for the input guys, it was nice to get some support from my friends here on the forum

I'm happy for you Otage as well as for your new boyfriend. And I'm happy that your straight friends have changed their minds. I think nobody would have said anything if you would arrive with a new girlfriend - but a boyfriend they are not used to and perhaps they have had to sleep over a night. And now they have detected that they have offended you with their harsh "no".
I hope you will have a beautiful midsommer celebration together with all of your good friends AND YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND. :cheers:

 

[topdog]

We decided to spent time together, and I had dinner with few of those friends today, and said that we might pop in there some day during weekend. Now they seemed interested to meet him. Maybe their first reaction was bit too hasty. Thx for the input guys, it was nice to get some support from my friends here on the forum

That sounds like a good outcome. Give your friends the benefit of the doubt. You were asking them to spend a week with someone they have never met - but they did end up agreeing for him to come. I would just chalk that up to the process they had to go through when challenged to be better people - and they came through.

I remember going through something similar when my partner was alive with one of my favorite cousins at the time....she immediately got an attitude and her whole tone for the evening changed from bubbly to very subdued to say the least. ...

She was in love with you.

 

[Whisper]

Well, as usual I'm little late but sounds like everything might work out...
Hauskaa myöhästynyttä juhannusta!!! (Happy belated midsummer's night festival or something like that....)

 

[Otage]

Well, as usual I'm little late but sounds like everything might work out...
Hauskaa myöhästynyttä juhannusta!!! (Happy belated midsummer's night festival or something like that....)

And same back to you!:big hug: And in my opinnion, it did work out well. We had nice time together, and we visited the cabin. After a while we had powered threw the noticable akward athmosphere that there was at the beginning, and when we we're leaving, they didn't want us to go. But we decided to leave the audience bit hungry

 

[HustleMe15]

Friends Over Boyfriends

I would say that if it is tradition that you go to this cabin with your friends, then that should remain the tradition. A good boyfriend to me would understand that you were doing this long before you met him, and understand that you want to continue. But it also comes down to the even too. I don't know what midsummer fest is, but like around here we have the Rose Parade. If I had used to go to the parade with friends, and then I met a boyfriend who wanted to go to it with just me, then because that is a huge event I would pick my boyfriend over my friends. But if it was something like a monthly night out with the guys, then it's friends over boyfriend. Hope that makes sense.

 

[man2manfun]

First of all. You never really say what type of person you are when it comes to dealing with a relationship? I mean if it is as you say that your friends have always been there. Maybe they know some thing about you when it comes to relationships that you are not telling us. And they do not want to see you bring what in their minds is the wrong type of person. Hey, don't hate. I am just asking questions. It is hard to give any meaningful advise when all you have to go on, is a snippet of ones life. But if they are just jealous of your new found relationship then are they really that good of friends. You, my friend are the only one who can answer that. My advise to you would be to ask your friends "straight" (can we use that word on here, LOL) up why they do not want your boy friend to come along. If you do not like the answer, which my guess is you won't. We never do in those situations, than you have a hard choice to make. Friends for life or potential relationship? The ball is in your court. Good Luck.

 

[Otage]

man2manfun, I have chosen both. It's quite easy to have it all, if one just does some work for it And like I said, it all went fine. And I usually am not a dating type, and that maybe the case here. My friends can't imagine me with dating someone. I'm always been more into the hook up scene and it's been quite common that every time we meet, I have some other guy going on. They need to get used to the idea that I now have had someone for bit longer

And Hustleme15, I understand what you mean. But the thing here was, that my guy was willing to go, but my friends were bit sceptical. And wich I found bit insulting, was the fact that there has been couples before, new people to some, gay couples etc. but they just wanted me to come there just for them. No matter the fact that they all have their partner with them. But like I said, I chosed both: Spent wonderfull time together with my guy, and we also visited the cabin, and have been seeing friends after it too. I have a right to be with someone, but I will also show my friends that they are as important to me as they have been before