JonnyFantastico
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Out of all of the blogs I've ever done, this one might be the most personal one to ever come to pass. But in truth comes the oddity: it all stems from this morning's airing of "The Jerry Springer Show".
Yes. Jerry Springer; Mr. Class-less, has had a topic on his show that actually caused such annoyance in me, I had to blog about it.
Let that simmer for a moment... all right. Let's do this.
On today's show, there was a man named Jimbo (I couldn't make that up). Jimbo was engaged to a woman named Miranda. They were together for nine years, had a seven-year-old son and we're finally ready to tie the knot. Except... Jimbo had a secret.
Of course he did.
Jimbo's news: while Miranda was incarcerated a year ago (of course she was), Jimbo got closer to a friend he had for years. One night, the friend and Jimbo had a couple of beers. One thing led to another... you know how the story goes on "Jerry".
Of course, we hear this kind of thing everyday. So, there had to be a twist.
Jimbo's friend... was another man.
Now, after watching a show on and off for almost 18 years (by Jerry's own admission), we've all heard the stories of how "real" the guests actually are. Some say they are actors and actresses; others claim that they are somewhat real, just pushed to a point to have that anger brought to a simmering level before it boils over on the stage. I really am not sure which is true (although the realist in me tends to go with the first notion). But, the story goes on...
Jerry asks Jimbo straight out, "Are you gay?" Jimbo vehemently denies this (insert "buzzer" sound effect here) and says that it was just an "experiment". Jerry asks if this was the only time it ever happened.
Jimbo says "no".
In fact, Jimbo; while still sleeping with his fiance, has thought about his friend... often. If you actually paid attention, you could tell that Jimbo was confused as all hell over this. It was almost as if he was forcing himself to believe that it was just a fling; nothing relevant to stray him from the "promising life" that he had with Miranda.
Cue Miranda's entry in a wedding gown (Jimbo had a tuxedo on). The secret comes out; she's upset. Cue Jimbo's friend (who we will call "Eric"; considering I don't remember his name)... in a wedding gown all his own.
I know... the absurdity of it all.
Anyway, Miranda is crying; Eric is raving and trying to fight Miranda and Jimbo is telling Eric to keep quiet; that it meant nothing and is begging Miranda to marry him. Cue Reverend Schnorr (a frequent guest on "Springer"; a bumbling alcoholic who spouts out random (and usually inaccurate) quotes from the Bible) and Miranda and Jimbo end up man and wife... while Eric is all alone in his gown without a man to love.
OK... throw the crazy parts of that out. The reason why I actually felt the need to blog has to do with the main character of this story: the "straight" man who is so confused and yet, brings in the unwilling gay man who falls for him and in the end; gets burned and tossed aside while the "straight" man maintains the heterosexual glory and the gay man is seen as the monster who tried to sully his "true" nature.
I'm probably going to be severely hated for what I'm about to do here... like I care, but I'm going to hopefully help all gay men; young and old, who come across this situation. We've all been there and if you haven't, trust me when I say you will. We're all blind to it, but it always seems to happen. It's probably even happened to a couple of lesbians here and there, so if this helps them as well; then, that's great.
The main thing here that bothers me is the word, "experiment". It's used so much in situations like this. "I was just experimenting." "Oh, I just wanted to see how it was."
Let me break it down for you. When scientists experiment on things; something usually changes. Whether is a bit more or less of a particular element, drug, etc.; the variable is always different. I'll even go as far as to give you five set definitions for the word, "experiment":
- the act of conducting a controlled test or investigation
- to conduct a test or investigation; "We are experimenting with the new drug in order to fight this disease"
- the testing of an idea; "it was an experiment in living"; "not all experimentation is done in laboratories"
- try something new, as in order to gain experience; "Students experiment sexually"; "The composer experimented with a new style"
- a venture at something new or different; "as an experiment he decided to grow a beard"
Now, for the sake of NOT bringing forth an argument; let's say that there is a young man who truly isn't sure of their sexuality. It happens. So, they decide to open up a bit and "experiment" with their one-sided nature and try something new. And to make it short, let's say this man goes all out (I won't go into details, you can figure what "all out" means) on this quest of his sexuality.
Here's where my thoughts become a bit controversial. After that one "experiment", that should be it. Why? Because, if you repeat the same actions; nothing has changed. Going back to what I previously stated; even in scientific experiments, a variant always changes. In the case of sexuality, it doesn't. Even if you try things with another man, it does not change because...
That's right. It is still a man. You have already experienced this. You have already tested this theory. Any more repeats of this action is solely based on your enjoyment of this practice. Taking it to that scientific level, the experiment was a success and you have proven to yourself that this "theory" of your sexuality is now a proven fact.
Now, I do understand that it can be very difficult to come to terms with this realization. This is one of the biggest things to handle in this life. Even as proud as I consider myself of being an open gay man, I also had that nagging fear and questioning thoughts in my brain. I even called myself "bisexual" at one point in my life to give others (and in truth, myself) that level of normal that we all crave.
But it wasn't normal. I knew I wasn't truly attacted to females. Yes, I think women are a beautiful species. I came from a woman. I consider myself a "feminist" (not "feminine"). I support their rights and strengths in this life. But, I am not sexually or even romantically attracted to them (although the old episode of "Boy Meets World" where Shawn (Rider Strong) dresses up as a girl still gives me a tingly feeling... I've equated that underneath the skirt was still Rider Strong and he was sexy in just about anything). I am comfortable in my sexuality. I am sure that this is who I was meant to be and that one day, I will live the life I was meant to live... with another man by my side.
I have nothing against experimenting with your sexuality; it helped me to get to where I am now as a gay man (as it has with other gays and lesbians). But, when that experiment had passed after my first male sexual companion, I knew I could no longer consider myself "straight". I had kissed girls. I had kissed boys (or at that point, "a boy").... and I liked it.
If you're having problems with your sexuality, it's a normal part of life and a question we all ask ourselves. Feel free to experiment. But take this into mind: once is an experiment. Twice is pushing it. More than that and you need to open your mind to the fact that things may be a bit "brighter" in your world. Leave those boys and girls that are sure of what they are alone until you figure out where you're going with this. You'll nip a lot of future pain in the bud... and we won't be the angry ones at the altar knowing you're more than likely heading into a sham of a marriage.
Being gay is OK. Being straight is OK. Being bisexual is... well, as long as it's real and not a "Tila Tequila" thing; I root for you as well.
I think the best way to end this is a quote from a movie starring Antonio Banderas and Woody Harrelson entitled, "Play It to the Bone". In it, Antonio's character says something to the effect of, "I thought I might be gay. I tried it once. I didn't like it." Seems silly and it garnered a lot of laughs, but in truth; it's a very good way to think about it.
You try something; you don't like it, you know not to do it again. You try it more than once...
That's all I'm saying. Do us a favor and figure it out on your own before someone gets hurt. You might come across the catty gay dude or butchy lesbian who might "out" you... and you don't want that.
Keep it in your pants until you fully understand.
-Jonny Fantastico
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