What Can You Do....

[Squallmuzza]

When you've just come out of a 2 year relationship, and in under a week find yourself in bed with another guy. Ok you think, just a little rebound, a little slutty.

But no....

What if you fall utterly head over heels for this guy in the space of a week.

Day 1: Meet for a pint, which turns to dinner, which turns to drinks back at mine, which progresses much further. This is the first time this has happened with him in about a year... so it's pretty damn special.

Day 2: You wake up, realise you're in bed with a god... Go out for lunch... which turns into a movie... which turns into a wonderful series of cuddling and smooching. Young love you think! Hell yes!

Day 3: Meet up again, go round his to watch a movie at home, snuggle up on the sofa, lovely stuff. Notice he's a bit more closed off when we got upstairs though....

Day 4: He colours my hair and pampers me a bit, awesome methinks! I go home with a hug...

Day 5: We talk... and it becomes apparent that he's not looking for anything for right now.... He just doesn't want any commitments. I die a little inside...

Day 6: We met up for a drink, a chat... I hardly know what to say to him all day as I'm still a bit crestfallen knowing that he doesn't want to be more than friends....

However... he still acts coupley... using words like babe, hun, sweety etc... Noone else gets that treatment. We talk constantly, always texting back and forth with a bundle of kisses on every text... For anyone looking in from the outside, you'd swear we were a couple...

But... I really want this. He's a stand out kinda guy, really enjoy spending time with him and well... he's quite the stud... I truly just want to look after him (cause the shit he gets off people in the street is unreal) and to... be there for him tbh. But... in that way only a partner can be.

Bah, seems like a long ramble, but anyone had a similar hot & cold experience? What did you try? What worked?

Thanks guys =)

 

[glamfunk84]

I ain't experienced it yet personally but I think for my brothers and sisters and such, some would often try not to get close at first because they've been burned by relationships but slowly starts to fall in love with the person because they were kind to them. So I'm thinking this is the same situation you're in.

 

[iSlut]

he's quite the stud...

Sometimes guys like this just aren't looking for relationships. They can get sex pretty much wherever they want with whomever they want, so until they find someone as hot as or hotter than themselves, they keep playing the field and bounding from bed to bed. They're good to have for "friends with benefits" situations but they're not good relationship material. My $0.02.

 

[glamfunk84]

^^ Hmm I hope he ain't one of those love 'em, leave 'em types @ Squall...

 

[Squallmuzza]

I'm sure he's not that sorta guy. I went back and met his mum and stuff. Seems like that wouldn't happen in that situation.

I refuse to believe he's a player.... really doesn't strike me as that kinda guy, and I doubt he would have done my hair and stuff if I was just disposable to him. But hell... I wouldn't mind even a friends with benefits sitch right now. Would be quite nice even if the attachment isn't there. Just being able to have that level with him would be pretty enjoyable.

It just seems to be fizzling away and disappearing because he's not really interested in me in that way now.... and I'm just sitting here thinking 'if only'. DAMNED FRUSTRATING >_<

Thanks for the responses guys <3

 

[iSlut]

if I was just disposable to him.

No, that's not what I was suggesting. There are just some guys who like sex but not commitments. He might stop having sex with you but he'll still be a friend, and then like in six months, he'll suddenly want to shag you again out of the blue. Guys like this are not monogamous. Fucking is like going out to dinner. They'll do it on a whim.

 

[XMan101]

Enjoy the moment Squall. If something longer lasting happens it'll happen, but you can't force it, so just enjoy the nice times and the company.

Easy to say I know, but let your head rule and not your heart - at least not at first

 

[Squallmuzza]

Ahhhh I see what you mean now God. I don't think he's like that either, due to my being his first in a year.... So yeah...

And I'm gonna try to let my head rule me a little... but.. you just don't understand haha! I physically melt when I catch his eye! Most beautiful guy I've ever come across tbh. And that's saying something!!

Hmmm we should be meeting up tomorrow afternoon some time to sort out some legal bits that he needs to do working self-employed... So maybe we shall see if anything... happens there... Had a dream last night that he fell for me a bit, so let's hope it carries across into the real world haha XD

 

[goejavin]

Hey Squall...my 2 cents/euros would more focus on you then him. Having just come come off a significantly lengthy relationship, one that was pretty upsetting at the time you split up, you may wish to step back, keep perspective on all thats happened as of late and make sure your mind isn't muddied by ulterior motives. It may be too early to have truly reconciled your feelings and emotions sure have a way of leading us astray.

I'm by no means trying to burst your bubble, and its very possible this guy's da bomb and "the one" but I think it would be best that you try to maintain your composure, reign in your emotions and try not to let your feelings be dictated by physical attraction. It is, after all, a two way street, and everyone has their own idiosynchrisies and needs and while its so easy to fall for someone based on initial interaction, especially when you're most vulnerable, its also easy to have a very hard fall should things not become what they seemed.

Beleive me, having been in a very long relationship and being the type that hates being alone, if I found a sheep with a personality at this point, I'd marry it but its been years now and no sheep to be found. I guess my point being that you should tread carefully and allow yourself the time to heal and the time to truly understand this guy and your feelings for this guy.

It's hard to type this stuff and explain exactly what you mean, so I hope at least it makes sense somehow. Of course the bottom line is I hope your relationship flourishes and you are happy ever after...you're a fine and wonderful guy and you deserve the best.

 

[Squallmuzza]

Hey goejavin... there is a decent sized field just up the road from me. I can give you the number of a few sheep if you like haha.

I do get what you mean though. It's a tricky balance to strike and tricky one to pin down (although not the other ni.... no won't go there XD).

I think maybe I got a little carried away, being as I was feeling awful before, and he picked me up SO much. Don't get me wrong, he'd be a lovely guy to get into a relationship with, but it's not... entirely imperative. I think I can take a bit more of a step back and play it by ear...

But hot damn I wish that had carried on for a little bit longer... Rohyponol anyone? =P

 

[glamfunk84]

Aww @ Squall, well whatever happens I hope and wish the best for you in this new relationship.

 

[Squallmuzza]

Mmm after tonight... I would to announce that the previous firework of romance is now certainly a damp squib. He seemed almost visably uncomfortable in my presence... Blah

 

[goejavin]

Well baby...just go with the flow...you are the special one....and dont forget that....what happens will happen but you need to be taken care of...the whole damp squib is hilarious..sorry...but you have such a way with words...just know we love you and you dont deserve a squib...lol

 

[Squallmuzza]

UPDATE: haha.

APPARENTLY, he DOES like me in that way BUT he's scared that he'll lose a great friend (-blush-) if we get together and it fucks up.

We shall be having dinner tomorrow evening, and I shall be convincing him very much otherwise (hopefully, and if I can work up the balls to do it!).

Thought I'd give an update for those that are interested

 

[Jamie]

Good luck squall! If you really like the guy don`t push too much Let him feel comfortable about everything!
I wish you all the best!

 

[XMan101]

That's understandable , it's not always easy to remain friends after you've been intimate

I know from experience !! I was lucky though, and many years later we're still very good close friends and always will be, but anyway good luck, and I'll be keen to hear how it goes

 

[Squallmuzza]

Haha thanks for the words of support guys! Even as we've been talking the past day or 2, dare I say it, he seems to be warming a bit more towards me. Maybe it's because everything is a little more out in the open, bit idk! It's enough to make a guy hopeful I tell you!

I have never known a relationship to go SO backwards though haha. From sex to closeness to awkward mateishness to general mateishness to rare chatting! So weird! But we seem to be floating between the general and awkward mateishness now, so that's a positive sign XD

 

[Squallmuzza]

Update time again!

The best evening ever. Just perfect, everything clicked, we laughed all night and it was
just SO right. Don't think I've had a better night out in quite some time.

In the end, I ended up spilling my guts to him when we chatted later on in the evening. He is just really scared that a relationship would fuck up our friendship. That's it. I'm sure he even wavered at one point on his choice.

So now.... I think it's just a matter of time, just building up his trust before he'll take the plunge. Good day today

 

[XMan101]

Hey good news, Squall The best relationships start from slow & shaky beginnings