Are you sure you are not having a spring depression? At least in northern countries most of the suicides happen in spring/summer, about 80%. If you haven't already, please get help. Just talking to someone may get you new perspective towards your life. You can chance things and if feeling suicidial, then what have you got to loose? Do somenthing that has given you pleasure before like maybe art, music, movies, friends etc. It's just life and sometimes it gets me(well, bropably everyone) down too, but then I realize I have taken it too seriously. "In the end, everything is a gag" - Charlie Chaplin