...When Someone Asks You to Stop Flaunting Your Homosexuality...

[W!nston]

How to Respond When Someone Asks You to Stop Flaunting Your Homosexuality Online
Huffington Post | Kevin Thornton | 01/12/2015 9:22 am EST
(Kevin Thornton Sings in the queer alt country band Indiana Queen.Stars in the web-series Three. Scorpio

"Why does everything with you have to be so gay?" the chat box bleeped in the lower right corner of my screen. It was someone I once knew from my conservative hometown, a place I've scarcely shown my face in two decades.

Social media has returned people to our lives that ought not be there. With our fancy phones, the past is lurking right there in your pocket. Everyone with whom you've ever crossed paths is somewhere behind a screen liking a picture of your salad or making passive aggressive hashtag judgements on your posts.

Of course these naysayers can blocked, but that often happens after you realize that you assembled the worst online party of all time. Your parents. Your old youth pastor. Drag queens. Porn stars. Clarence. (He may not be named Clarence in your world, but you know who I'm talking about. That friend.) So, like many of us, I went through a great Facebook purge. A Duck Dynasty meme? Unfriend. A pro-Sarah Palin reference? Delete. A cross-stiched, Bible verse jpeg about men lying with men? Actually, that's amazing and I want it on a T-shirt.

I then realized these people need my voice in their lives. Homophobic views thrive in the absence of actual homosexuals. And worse yet, I'll end up as the person they are referring to when they say, "I have tons of gay friends, but..."

So, I've been allowing some reconnections with my fundamentalist Christian past.

"I mean, I don't care about your sexuality, but does everything you talk about have to be gay?" this old friend typed. In all fairness, I do let it rip on Twitter and Facebook. I've always been somewhat of a button pusher; on my conservative friends' feeds, I probably seem a sort of "Richard Simmons After Dark," if you will.

This "stop flaunting it" sentiment really gets my big gay goat. Being gay isn't some weird hobby. It's not a penis fetish. (Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan.) It's who I am. My sexuality runs a thread through every part of my being, just as it does for all people both gay and straight.

Every straight-person-post about date night, engagements and babies is a display of heterosexuality. That weird selfie of the two of them peck kissing at Applebee's? Blatant display of straightness. A "Which Romantic Comedy Are You" quiz? They got The Notebook. I got Showgirls. My point is, we are all expressing our sexuality non-stop in sometimes bold, but more often subtle, ways.

I was taking a stroll with a seemingly progressive friend here in Nashville. There was a lesbian couple nearby holding hands -- a sight that's becoming fairly common in larger southern cities. My friend made an out-of-character comment that they were trying to "make a statement." I suggested they quite possibly might just be holding hands. Many straight people -- even allies -- are used to gays being shamed into discretion. If we behave with the same emotional freedom as they it could initially come off to them as an inappropriate display.

It might seem like flaunting, but it's simply humans acting like humans.

I'm tired of being an ambassador. I'm tired of being the understanding one, but it's the position I'm in. It's the position you are in. So next time it's suggested you tone it down, give our straight brothers and sisters an understanding pardon, then turn it up. They will never relax if we cater to uncomfortable sensibilities. As for me, my social media feed will continue to flame and sparkle, and if you don't like it, there's my backdoor. And I mean that in the gayest way possible.

SOURCE

 

[Otage]

Well some people bring their straightness and gayness forth more than others. Everybody doesn't do that 'I post pictures of babies, relationship status, gay prides etc' on social media. Maybe to some sexuality is a bigger deal than to others, all an all we're all different. To me being gay is only sexual orientation. When I was in closet, I hide it, but what came as a shock to me when I came out and I thought that wow my behaviour has changed so much, nobody noticed any difference I mean I too have wondered why some people seem to be like super gay, but does it really matter? It's only a matter of perspective. We are what we are. I don't have to understand or like everything, but then I can easily let it be

So if somebody would ask - Why are you so gay with everything you do?
I would ask brolly - Why are you so interested?

 

[Shelter]

Well some people bring their straightness and gayness forth more than others. Everybody doesn't do that 'I post pictures of babies, relationship status, gay prides etc' on social media. Maybe to some sexuality is a bigger deal than to others, all an all we're all different. To me being gay is only sexual orientation. When I was in closet, I hide it, but what came as a shock to me when I came out and I thought that wow my behaviour has changed so much, nobody noticed any difference I mean I too have wondered why some people seem to be like super gay, but does it really matter? It's only a matter of perspective. We are what we are. I don't have to understand or like everything, but then I can easily let it be

So if somebody would ask - Why are you so gay with everything you do?
I would ask brolly - Why are you so interested?

Otage a wonderful - no a magnificent clarification! :thumbs up::thumbs up:

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

I admit I have not read the OP right through. One thing strikes me however; when you get "rediscovered" on Facebook by someone you moved away from and lost touch with years ago, you are often reminded of WHY you didn't keep in touch.

I guess my response to a question like that would depend on how friendly I was first that person in the first place. We don't ask people "Why are you so black?", "Why are you so Jewish?", or even "Why are you so heterosexual?".

 

[james1981]

Good discussion topic. I really think that it goes back to the idea that we are all very different people first and foremost. Sure, there are some gay people who like to post photos and status updates and whatnot on the Facebook. Just like the are straight people who like to post their latest photos and annoying updates and the like.

There are people who get all up in your face about their sexuality. "Look at her ass" or "Check out those boobs" or "He is really hot" or "I would like to get in his/her pants." Honestly, I've heard more comments from heterosexuals than homosexuals regarding sexual things. Of course this study is not scientific nor does it have the requisite sample size.

Do I have problems with any of these people? Honestly, no. I do think that sometimes people over-share their thoughts and experiences on social media, but then that is just my personality and I try to realize that we are all different and enjoy different things.

For me, every time I tell someone I am gay there is a shocked reaction, which is amusing and also makes things difficult. So I guess this is where it ties back in to the original post. Being gay is one part of who I am. I haven't decided if it's a big or small part yet, but either way, I am so many other things. Just like everyone else.

If someone were to criticize someone else for flaunting something, I would like to think I would ask why they are so insecure about the flaunting of that thing. Forget gay, think about flaunting family, good picture taking, yummy food, neat travels, and so on. Sure, it might be annoying to see those things, but maybe the solution is to not log into those social media platforms, like Facebook, if that's the case. There are actually studies showing how frequent Facebook users tend to experience more depression.

Anyway..... this was a bit more rambling than I set out to be.... also.... my 100th post... yah and thank you for being such an awesome forum!

 

[lhardwick69]

ask them why should you stop doing it if they are going to flaunt their straightness online--we have rights to flaunt whatever we want if they don't like it they can always leave the place where u r flaunting

 

[theseeker]

And I suppose the answer should be "Why does everything with you have to be so straight?"

What I don't get is the double standards that the article talks about. If you think we're "flaunting" with all that talk about gay marriage and relationships, that's fine.............so long that you stop talking about marriages and relationships as well! Why is it that a straight couple holding hands, hugging it out, or even having a light kiss out in public considered normal and even sweet (not saying they're not), but when a gay couple does the SAME EXACT THINGS, it's considered "making a statement" and "shoving it in everyone else's faces"? We're not asking you to allow us to have massive gay orgies out in public, to literally rub our dongs in everyone's faces....... All we're asking is that we get the same treatment and freedom to do stuff that straight couples can do without a second thought. Things like talk about the people we love, show little expressions of love to our loved ones........ Are those things too much to ask for??!

And for those "conservative" people: If those ARE too much to ask for in your opinion, then you've got to reexamine the reason why you're against them. Stop using pseudoscience and/or religion to explain your disdain, look deep into your heart and ask yourself this, is it really true that you find these actions inappropriate? Or is it just because you don't like seeing two guys (or two girls for that matter) having an intimate relationship, and that it disgusts you? If that's the case, then own up to it. Look in the mirror and look yourself in the eye and say "I don't like queers for no reason whatsoever, they just disgust me." Then ask yourself if that's who you really want to be. If yes, you'll be an asshole now, but at least you're being honest about who you are.

 

[Shelter]

And I suppose the answer should be "Why does everything with you have to be so straight?"

What I don't get is the double standards that the article talks about. If you think we're "flaunting" with all that talk about gay marriage and relationships, that's fine.............so long that you stop talking about marriages and relationships as well! Why is it that a straight couple holding hands, hugging it out, or even having a light kiss out in public considered normal and even sweet (not saying they're not), but when a gay couple does the SAME EXACT THINGS, it's considered "making a statement" and "shoving it in everyone else's faces"? We're not asking you to allow us to have massive gay orgies out in public, to literally rub our dongs in everyone's faces....... All we're asking is that we get the same treatment and freedom to do stuff that straight couples can do without a second thought. Things like talk about the people we love, show little expressions of love to our loved ones........ Are those things too much to ask for??!

And for those "conservative" people: If those ARE too much to ask for in your opinion, then you've got to reexamine the reason why you're against them. Stop using pseudoscience and/or religion to explain your disdain, look deep into your heart and ask yourself this, is it really true that you find these actions inappropriate? Or is it just because you don't like seeing two guys (or two girls for that matter) having an intimate relationship, and that it disgusts you? If that's the case, then own up to it. Look in the mirror and look yourself in the eye and say "I don't like queers for no reason whatsoever, they just disgust me." Then ask yourself if that's who you really want to be. If yes, you'll be an asshole now, but at least you're being honest about who you are.

:agree::agree::agree::agree:

Thank you THESEEKER for this magnificent analysis. You are totally right - but I'll be afraid that all these straight people, who hate us or hate it if we are doing in the open that what they do as well, care a little about our wishes.

 

[theseeker]

Thank you THESEEKER for this magnificent analysis. You are totally right - but I'll be afraid that all these straight people, who hate us or hate it if we are doing in the open that what they do as well, care a little about our wishes.

I guess at this point there's nothing that can change their minds if they're so adamant about hating us, so I'd rather they be honest about it rather than pretending to be PC and going "oh no, i don't actually hate them, but..." It's kinda like people going "i'm not racist and all, but most criminals are blacks....", then pull out some half-assed statistic to confirm their statement, when in fact deep down they're just racist as fuck.