Am I being asked out on a date?

[dickie]

There's a guy who is a member of a club that I belong to. We've connected many times over the past year in the course of doing club business. We've always been friendly, but there's never been a sense of anything more than that between us. He's just a nice guy, plain and simple.

Today I got home from work and there was a message from him about some club business that we're both involved with. Then at the very end of the message he said "I was also wondering if you wanted to get together sometime for a cup of coffee some evening after work, or maybe over the weekend. If you do, let me know, that would be great. Talk to you soon".

We've never really connected outside the club, so I'm not sure what to think. I haven't dated anyone for a while. I don't want to make a fool of myself by assuming this is something that it's not. Does this sound like a simple get-together between friends, or do you think he's asking me out?

Thanks for the feedback.

 

[slimjim]

He might be, then again maybe it's just for a social chat over a cup of coffee. Is it possible that he might have some business proposition to put to you? Why not say yes to the coffee, and go assuming that's all it is.... and see what happens? :thinking:

 

[ihno]

That's really hard to tell and we can only guess.

Why don't you let things happen? Go, have coffee with him and then look, if he gives you any signs. If he wants to date you and it's his idea, he'll has to do or say something.

 

[jw4833]

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on this until you actually sit down with him and talk in order to see where he's really coming from. Therefore, just to kill your curiosity, I would meet with him for coffee and see how the conversation goes.

 

[AleXXX UK]

This is an easy one. Just go out with him and see how it goes. Don't waste the opportunity by not at least dropping into the conversation that you're single and looking. See if he reciprocates anything. Basically leave a nice trail of crumbs for him. If you do that you're creating opportunities for him to drop bigger hints and maybe then one of you could make a move.

 

[dickie]

Thanks for the advice guys. I called him and said "yes" to meeting for coffee, but by the end of the conversation the coffee idea had somehow changed into him offering to cook me dinner at his place. I don't know if that changes anything. The last time a guy invited me to his place for a meal we ended up making out for hours. Meeting at a coffee place seems pretty neutral, but there's something about being invited to dinner at someone's home for the first time that feels a bit like entering a lion's den. It still could just be a friendly thing though, so I guess I'll have to play it by ear.

 

[AleXXX UK]

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach

 

[ihno]

Don't say things like "Where's the bedroom?", "I've brought a condom" right at the beginning and wear something decent. Not too decent but not too slutty.

 

[AleXXX UK]

You might also accidentally spill that red wine bottle all over your trousers at the end of the evening and need to go to his bedroom to take em off and....do it.

 

[bigsal]

Slowly! Slowly! Do not put fast.

Too many expectations can sometimes disappoint.

 

[ihno]

You might also accidentally spill that red wine bottle all over your trousers at the end of the evening and need to go to his bedroom to take em off and....do it.

and over him, too. :rofl:

That's really great.

@dickie: Sorry, we're kidding.

 

[slimjim]

It could still be that he just has a pitch to put to you... maybe he's looking for a new business partner and thinks it's better to discuss over a meal rather than a quick coffee, so play it cool.

 

[yoyo888]

Wish this sort of thing would happen to me.

Does this other guy you know that you are gay? If not maybe he is just subtly trying to find out

 

[dickie]

Wish this sort of thing would happen to me.

Does this other guy you know that you are gay? If not maybe he is just subtly trying to find out

He is aware that I'm gay because the club we both belong to is a queer civic organization. Each of us also knows that the other is available because it has come up in group discussions, etc. He knows that I was in a long term relationship, that I've been single for a few years, and that I'm looking to meet someone new.

I realize he still might be looking for nothing more than a friendship. It's a little hard to tell at this point. Although I sensed a hint of nervousness in his voice when he first asked me if I'd be interested in meeting him for coffee, it can be hard to read those things sometimes.

 

[dickie]

It could still be that he just has a pitch to put to you... maybe he's looking for a new business partner and thinks it's better to discuss over a meal rather than a quick coffee, so play it cool.

I appreciate the cautionary note. Even if his interest ends up not being business-related, he may just be interested in getting to know me better as a possible friend or social acquaintance. It's helpful for me remember to just be present and remain open to whatever comes up, as you and others have suggested.

 

[jw4833]

Thanks for the advice guys. I called him and said "yes" to meeting for coffee, but by the end of the conversation the coffee idea had somehow changed into him offering to cook me dinner at his place. I don't know if that changes anything. The last time a guy invited me to his place for a meal we ended up making out for hours. Meeting at a coffee place seems pretty neutral, but there's something about being invited to dinner at someone's home for the first time that feels a bit like entering a lion's den. It still could just be a friendly thing though, so I guess I'll have to play it by ear.

Actually, it changes a lot of things...being asked for dinner is a whole lot different than being asked for coffee in a public setting. I would suggest that once you get to his place for dinner, let him take the lead and see where it goes and if you want to follow, then by all means, go for it, if that's what you want to do at that time. Good luck..:thinking:

 

[AleXXX UK]

Dude if you want it to happen you got to make it happen! Forget whether he likes you or not, do YOU like him? Yes? ok then, go get him. Have your dinner but drop in to the conversation, 'by the way, I think you're hot and I think I have a crush on you '.

Worst case scenario would be you've both fallen for each other but neither has the balls to make the first move.

If YOU want him, YOU gotta make it happen. If its just dinner you want it's dinner you get. If you want more then go for him before somebody else does.

 

[bigsal]

I realize he still might be looking for nothing more than a friendship.

If would so, it is not something to be discarded.

 

[Stoic]

Do you want him to ask you out?

 

[AleXXX UK]

Am I right in thinking this dinner may be tonight?