Hey guys. I really need help. Me and my friend Jeff have been bestfriends even brothers for about 7 or 8 years now. When i first met jeff i had a small crush on him but i put those feelings away because i knew he was straight.....and because he's a slut for girls -__- lol. When i told him i was gay he didn't care. We always joke around like it's nothing.
But last summer some things started to happen. One night i was at his house and we were getting ready to go to a party and he told me he had something to tell me. Then he changed his mind and said that he would tell me another time. Then right after that Jeff asked me "So if a straight guy ,who REALLY likes girls, likes this one guy does that make him gay?". I told him he could be curious or that guy is just an exception. I thought to myself why would he ask me that? But i just left it alone.
So at the party Jeff was flirting and kissing this girl and i was getting kind of jealous but of course i never said anything. While we were hanging out people were joking around saying they would go gay for this person and that person. Jeff would always say that if he were gay it would only be for me.Then after the party i slept over his house like i would normally do. The next morning when we woke up he asked me if we did anything last night and i said no. Then he told me he had this weird dream. He wouldn't tell me what it was.
A couple days later we went to another party and he got high....basically he kissed me twice that night.....he said that's what he wanted to tell me..that he wanted to kiss me. But then he felt bad because he was still talking to the girl from the last party.
Then a couple days later we were hanging out with some friends and they brought the kiss up and stuff. They were annoying him so he just said that he was high and that it didn't mean anything and how can he be gay....It didn't upset me as much but it still hurt. Jeff kept looking at me to see if i was alright. When we were going home he said he was sorry and that they were just getting on his nerves. He told me what he said was a lie and that the kiss did mean something. I think he just said this to make me feel better but i don't know. He asked me if i wanted to sleep over his house but i said no. IF something were to happen that night it would most likely be because he felt guilty or out of pity and i definitely didn't want that.
Later that week i asked him why did he kissed me. He said just because he wanted to, then he asked me do i have feelings for him. I told him i did a long time ago and that the kiss brought some of them back but he didn't have to worry. He said he wasn't sure how he felt.
I asked my friend Chris for some advice and Chris told me that the dream Jeff had was of us cuddling. Jeff had talked to chris about it before and that he's had the dream more than once.
Chris decided to try and talk to him. He told chris that I'm his bestfriend and like his brother and that he felt bad for leading me on.....
The next night he said to come to his house because some friends were coming over. So when i get there i see my other best friend Crystal already here. She told me she was spending the night. I already knew what was going to happen and i got a little upset but didn't say anything.... The next morning when i woke up crystal and kind of sort of jeff called me and told me that they had sex....usually this wouldn't bother me because me and Jeff would always tell each other when or if we have sex....but this time after i told him how i felt and me knowing how he felt....it killed me inside. That whole day i was depressed. I didn't do any thing or eat anything, just laid in bed. It felt like my head was torn apart and i felt like it was my fault for having feelings for him. It was horrible.....but toward the end of the day i felt a little better. I knew i could never tell jeff that i got depressed because he would never forgive himself, so i just kept everything to myself.
About a week later we were hanging out together joking around normally. And then we started to talk about everything. He said no matter how much i get on his nerves and no matter how much he hates most guys, I'm the only exception. But he said could never be with a guy. He said he was raised and brought up by women and that's why he loves them so much. I told him that i was a little upset about him and crystal. And he said he knew and that he was sorry.(i still haven't told him about the depression part but whatever).
After that summer things went back to normal for the most part. But i still have feelings for him.....and sometimes it seems like he still has feelings for me. For example, i made out with this guy at a halloween party and jeff told me he was jealous (in a non-serious way). Then he went on in this rant about him being the slut at parties and no intimacy. His exact words were, "I'm the one that's supposed to be making out with people at parties! You and me have a non-intimate relationship. No sex but were still in a relationship! lol" -____- and other times when i talk to a guy on the phone or i tell him I'm bout to go see a guy, Jeff always ask "who's he?" in this certain way, like he's kinda sort of jealous. And we still joke around about sexual stuff like we normally would but sometimes he teases me and i'm not sure if he's being serious about it or not.
And now it seems like his feelings are gone....like he just forgot everything that happened last summer....even the kiss. Like everything never happened. And recently he's gone away to college. I was supposed to go with him but i had financial trouble. I feel like those feelings are definitely going to go away now that we're away from eachother. I'm not sure what to do. Please help me. And thanks for taking the time to read this whole thing i appreciate it lol =)
But last summer some things started to happen. One night i was at his house and we were getting ready to go to a party and he told me he had something to tell me. Then he changed his mind and said that he would tell me another time. Then right after that Jeff asked me "So if a straight guy ,who REALLY likes girls, likes this one guy does that make him gay?". I told him he could be curious or that guy is just an exception. I thought to myself why would he ask me that? But i just left it alone.
So at the party Jeff was flirting and kissing this girl and i was getting kind of jealous but of course i never said anything. While we were hanging out people were joking around saying they would go gay for this person and that person. Jeff would always say that if he were gay it would only be for me.Then after the party i slept over his house like i would normally do. The next morning when we woke up he asked me if we did anything last night and i said no. Then he told me he had this weird dream. He wouldn't tell me what it was.
A couple days later we went to another party and he got high....basically he kissed me twice that night.....he said that's what he wanted to tell me..that he wanted to kiss me. But then he felt bad because he was still talking to the girl from the last party.
Then a couple days later we were hanging out with some friends and they brought the kiss up and stuff. They were annoying him so he just said that he was high and that it didn't mean anything and how can he be gay....It didn't upset me as much but it still hurt. Jeff kept looking at me to see if i was alright. When we were going home he said he was sorry and that they were just getting on his nerves. He told me what he said was a lie and that the kiss did mean something. I think he just said this to make me feel better but i don't know. He asked me if i wanted to sleep over his house but i said no. IF something were to happen that night it would most likely be because he felt guilty or out of pity and i definitely didn't want that.
Later that week i asked him why did he kissed me. He said just because he wanted to, then he asked me do i have feelings for him. I told him i did a long time ago and that the kiss brought some of them back but he didn't have to worry. He said he wasn't sure how he felt.
I asked my friend Chris for some advice and Chris told me that the dream Jeff had was of us cuddling. Jeff had talked to chris about it before and that he's had the dream more than once.
Chris decided to try and talk to him. He told chris that I'm his bestfriend and like his brother and that he felt bad for leading me on.....
The next night he said to come to his house because some friends were coming over. So when i get there i see my other best friend Crystal already here. She told me she was spending the night. I already knew what was going to happen and i got a little upset but didn't say anything.... The next morning when i woke up crystal and kind of sort of jeff called me and told me that they had sex....usually this wouldn't bother me because me and Jeff would always tell each other when or if we have sex....but this time after i told him how i felt and me knowing how he felt....it killed me inside. That whole day i was depressed. I didn't do any thing or eat anything, just laid in bed. It felt like my head was torn apart and i felt like it was my fault for having feelings for him. It was horrible.....but toward the end of the day i felt a little better. I knew i could never tell jeff that i got depressed because he would never forgive himself, so i just kept everything to myself.
About a week later we were hanging out together joking around normally. And then we started to talk about everything. He said no matter how much i get on his nerves and no matter how much he hates most guys, I'm the only exception. But he said could never be with a guy. He said he was raised and brought up by women and that's why he loves them so much. I told him that i was a little upset about him and crystal. And he said he knew and that he was sorry.(i still haven't told him about the depression part but whatever).
After that summer things went back to normal for the most part. But i still have feelings for him.....and sometimes it seems like he still has feelings for me. For example, i made out with this guy at a halloween party and jeff told me he was jealous (in a non-serious way). Then he went on in this rant about him being the slut at parties and no intimacy. His exact words were, "I'm the one that's supposed to be making out with people at parties! You and me have a non-intimate relationship. No sex but were still in a relationship! lol" -____- and other times when i talk to a guy on the phone or i tell him I'm bout to go see a guy, Jeff always ask "who's he?" in this certain way, like he's kinda sort of jealous. And we still joke around about sexual stuff like we normally would but sometimes he teases me and i'm not sure if he's being serious about it or not.
And now it seems like his feelings are gone....like he just forgot everything that happened last summer....even the kiss. Like everything never happened. And recently he's gone away to college. I was supposed to go with him but i had financial trouble. I feel like those feelings are definitely going to go away now that we're away from eachother. I'm not sure what to do. Please help me. And thanks for taking the time to read this whole thing i appreciate it lol =)
Last edited:
stances never seem to line up quite right so they are both available at the same time - and you just want to yell back at the screen "For god's sakes, just TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL!!"
